Breakdown 5-27-20

May 4, 2020 – Santa Monica

I woke up early, still reeling from the after effects of the stupid weekend fun I’d had with Asher and my new “friend” Rose. Fun, heh, that was a funny way of putting it. Was anything about that really fun? I sat in bed for a moment and found a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt and tossed them on. I strutted my way toward the kitchen as light shone in and filled Kathryn’s beautiful home. By the time I made it to the kitchen, Kath was already there enjoying a cup of coffee. She didn’t look as bubbly as she usually did. Her hair was down, still messy from bed, and she was wearing shorts and a fairly tight t-shirt. Although I’m not sure if they make shirts to fit bodies like hers any other way. I went for a mug in the cabinet and she cleared her throat and I noticed another mug across from her, already made. I walked over to sit down and reached for the cream, but she just smirked.

Kathryn: Already did that. Two pours. Two spoons of sugar. You always have it the same way.

Jordan: I suppose that’s right.

I sat down and brought the mug to my lips and took a sip. Somehow it was better than when I usually made it. I looked up to see Kath looking like she was searching for her words. I tilted my head slightly.

Jordan: Hey… what’s up?

Kathryn: Well, we need to talk about this past weekend.

Fuck. It dawned on me that she clearly wouldn’t be happy about the mess that was left in her home. I had helped her clean it up, but she was suspiciously quiet at the time.

Jordan: Yeah… I was thinking about that while laying in bed last night and I’m really sorry about that. It was just a huge mistake on my part to allow Asher to come hang out. That all could have gone so much worse and I feel terrible about all of it. If you need me to move out and get my own place, I totally understand.

Kathryn: Ok, hold on. You’re getting ahead of yourself here. No one is asking you to leave.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me for the moment, but then the nervousness crept right back in. I hadn’t really been in this position before. Living with someone and fucking something up. God, that makes me feel like my mother.

Kathryn: I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but you should try to be careful about people like him and that girl he brought with him.

Jordan: Who? Kristen?

Kathryn: No, no. Kristen was amazing. The other one.

Jordan: Oh…

Kathryn looked at me suspiciously. I shrugged and bit my lip.

Jordan: So about that girl. Her name is Rose. And she came over here because of me. I maybe thought there was a chance for, I don’t know, like a little bit of different kind of fun.

Kathryn: Different how?

Jordan: You know… like…

I began to make gestures with my hand as Kath stared at me. I realized quickly that nothing I was doing made any sense. My face started to burn slightly red as I blushed before I even said the words.

Kathryn: Like?

Jordan: SEX!

I said the word too loud. It practically echoed off the high ceilings of her home. Kath looked back at me in a way that her nose crinkled up. She couldn’t even maintain a straight face as she started to softly laugh. Her laughing started to drag on without saying a word.

Jordan: What?

Kathryn: I’m not sure I really expected that Rose girl to be your type.

I shrugged and took a drink of coffee from my mug, steam fogging up my glasses as I sighed into the cup before setting it down.

Jordan: Maybe she wasn’t. But I get this feeling since becoming suddenly single that I’m supposed to be out trying to rebound. I think I always do this shit wrong.

I laughed at myself. It was almost like I was just talking to myself about my clear relationship issues.

Jordan: I haven’t had very many long relationships. Like, maybe something is wrong with me. Jaina was my third real relationship and we got engaged after a few months like a couple idiots.

Kathryn: It’s fine. You’re young. Plenty people do the exact same.

Jordan: My love life has always just been needlessly complicated, you know? Like, I used to give the girls I hooked up with a gift basket based on performance in bed so trying to figure out how to rebound from a failed engagement doesn’t exactly come natural to me.

Kath raised a brow at some point while I was talking and it was still there, hanging high in reaction to something I said.

Kathryn: Ok, one, who naturally knows how to rebound from anything? It takes time and different things work for everyone. And two… gift baskets? Seriously?

Jordan: I know… I know how it sounds. I read this thing on my phone about a baseball player that did it. I had all this money and I had my assistant always prepared for —

Kathryn: Your assistant gave them the baskets?

I went quiet and Kathryn did, too. Neither of us said anything. I looked like, I imagine, a crazy person trying to explain something as ridiculous as time travel. She had the look of someone who had just learned her hero had some terrible secrets and might actually be the villain.

Jordan: I don’t know what to say. It was a weird time for me…

Kath nodded at my words and lifted her mug for a drink. I watched as a smile formed around her cup.

Kathryn: So, what kind of basket would I get?

Jordan: What!?

Kathryn: Nothing, just wondered.

Jordan: I told you it was performance based.

It got quiet between us again. What I had just done was a few words shy of saying “I don’t know, let’s go find out.” But I wasn’t that type of smooth. And I wasn’t about to complicate things with the woman who was letting me stay with her out of the pure goodness of her heart. I couldn’t give her anything. She just wouldn’t take it. Even after seeing my bank account. That had been fool proof! She broke the silence first.

Kathryn: Anyway, I know you have to get out on the road soon for Breakdown, but I just wanted to say you have to make your own decisions, and I probably wouldn’t find yourself regularly spending nights out with Asher or Rose. I admit I’m still getting to know you, really, but that doesn’t seem like YOUR scene. You know what I mean?

Jordan: Yeah, I sort of do. He’s just kind of been one of the only people there for me since it happened. It’s just easy to forget that he’s kind of crazy.

Kathryn laughs at me.

Kathryn: That’s pretty much all I know about him. But, hey, like I said. You have to make the best decision for you. And just take it easy on yourself with the rebound thing. Maybe you’re trying to hard.

She smiled at me and I let out a little giggle. She tapped her palm on the countertop and stood up from her chair with her cup.

Kathryn: I’ve got to get myself down to the shop and open up for the day. So I’ll see you back here in a few days, right?

I smiled and nodded to her before she got to her feet, walking over to me and for one crazy out there insane moment, my mind flashed to how I’d very nearly told her that we should go upstairs and evaluate what size gift basket she’d get. She didn’t of course, because that was fucking insane and the kind of thing that only happens inside of Asher’s head I imagine… but then she kissed me on the top of my head before giving me a wink as she turned to saunter out of the room, leaving me watch her take every single step. Was that some weird motherly thing? A product of being a mom maybe? Or was it more. I shook my head as she disappeared from view, shaking the thoughts from my mind in the hope of finding some clarity or normality but of course, the thought of Asher and the hot mess from last weekend flooded in there instead. I liked Asher, and I appreciated his support and his friendship… but Kath may have been right. And I’m not sure I should be spending any late nights with him and any mystery girls again.

May 13, 2020 – Albuquerque

I missed out on the fun of Fatal Fortunes Night 1, watching from backstage as the wild stuff unfolded. Then a week later I got my chance. It could have been anything. A match with Bree for her world title. The TV title was up for grabs. The tag belts switched. My match had a familiar feel. I was back in lube for something only my friend Cookie and her husband Derek’s kinky-ass minds could come up with. The night was insane though. It ended with the crowd chanting my name after I took out Chris Cannon. It seemed like wherever I went, I was running into the Beauty Factory. I’d been having some fun text conversations with Kathryn while I was in New Mexico. One of those conversations led to me getting a first-class ticket on the Helms Express back to LA after Breakdown. My hair was still wet when I boarded the private plane from the tarmac and sat down in an empty seat. The lube was clearly not water based and felt sticky in my hair, even after a shower. Dave Helms walked onto the plane with a pilot and the door closed behind him. The two spoke for a while as I played on my phone. I knew Jason better, for all the wrong reasons. Dave and I had only really spoken when he was introducing me to AnteUp. Eventually, the pilot went into the cockpit and Dave came and sat down in a chair across from me.

Jordan: Thanks for letting me tag along. Is it just us?

Dave: Well, Kath sort of insisted and again she was vouching for you, so I agreed. And yeah, everyone else is staying behind for the house shows. You need a towel or anything?

I grabbed my wet hair and pulled it to the front, letting it hang down my shoulder so I wasn’t sitting against it. I shook my head no to his question and smiled.

Jordan: Thanks for the offer. I think I’m going to have to walk through a car wash to get this off of me. I think Cookie called it KABLAM Labs formula or something… I think that means Derek cooked this shit up in his kitchen and put in a big tub or something. Actually, I need to quit thinking about that because it brings up these insane images of Derek and Cookie and why they need that much lube.

Dave smirked as he crossed a leg over the other and leaned back into his seat.

Dave: So why aren’t you staying behind then? House shows seem mandatory for most of the roster these days.

Jordan: I, uhh… I told Sasha I needed a few weeks off of that because I moved across the country. Because of the breakup. She was kind of hesitant, but she gave me a few weeks off of the loop. I’m sure they’ll have me back on the full slate after Taking Hold of the Flame or something.

Dave: Ah, I see. Hasn’t seemed to be holding you back so far at least. I mean, not many of us could have probably done half of what you did while covered in lube.

I managed to laugh a little and shrugged.

Jordan: I guess you could say it wasn’t exactly new to me. I went on this boat trip with Asher and Ace and they–

Dave: I’m going to stop you right there. I don’t know what you’re going to say, but it’s probably more information than I need to know if it deals with Ace and his sidekick. The last time I saw Ace Marshall, he broke into my house to cook me breakfast, stalked me on a run through the canyon and then got me kidnapped during dinner… I know exactly how that douche canoe thinks, trust me.

Sidekick? I sort of raised a brow at that, but then laughed as Dave described his last interactions with Ace. None of it frankly surprised me at all. I crossed a leg over my own and leaned back into the seat and let out a deep sigh.

Jordan: Douchecanoe is one I haven’t heard of before. But it’s probably not wrong.

A silence fell between us and Dave folded his hands together with his elbow leaning on the arm rests.

Dave: So tell me, what’s the deal with you and Kath?

I looked at him quizzically as the plane started down the runway headed for takeoff.

Jordan: What do you mean?

Dave: You know, how did this happen? What’s going on between you two?

I was deeply confused by his questions and I opened my mouth to speak, but the plane lifted off the ground and caught me by surprise. Dave laughed.

Dave: You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. You can tell me to mind my own business or get fucked if you like. I just don’t remember the last time she asked me to make sure someone came back with me after a show.

Jordan: She’s just a good friend. Around the time the breakup happened I was supposed to go out to her shop because she made my new gear. So I had been talking to her about what was happening and she invited me to stay at her house while I was visiting. And then she turned that into more of a permanent invite until I was back on my feet. I guess she just really didn’t want me to stay in a hotel while I was looking for a new place.

Dave looked at me and nodded. He looked amused.

Dave: See, here’s the thing about Kath. She hates seeing anybody unhappy, regardless of how well she knows them or if she knows them at all. Rachel Tatum Lee lived with her for a while despite them barely knowing each other, and they ended up being great friends. Kath will literally bend over backwards to help people… but I’ve never really known her to call in favors from me or anyone too, so I had to ask. I mean, I know you just got out of a relationship and all, but wondered if… you know…

I tilted my head to the side and narrowed my eyes for a moment. Then I felt them go wide.

Jordan: Oh! Oh, no! No! We’re not… nothing like that is… I don’t think…

I shake my head and wave my hands at him. He starts to laugh and I smile.

Jordan: It’s nothing like that at all, seriously. I wouldn’t want to do anything that ruins the arrangement we have right now.

Dave: Arrangement?

Jordan: No, I mean her letting me stay there right now. I appreciate that and I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess that up.

Dave: Uh huh… you know that makes it sound like you’ve thought about it. But that’s none of my business.

I laugh, in a sort of frustrated and huffy kind of way, and uncross my legs just to cross them again. He wasn’t wrong. If I was being honest with myself, I’d had some “thoughts” about Kath, but I was trying to leave it at that for the sake of our friendship. And I also didn’t know if I was reading too into certain things. Considering the recent relationship change, I was being careful not to screw things up. I realized I hate been thinking for too long. It was too quiet. Dave was sitting there just smiling. A grin stretching ear to ear.

Dave: Maybe I shouldn’t ask anymore questions about you and Kath.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him.

Jordan: Seriously. I think she just enjoys having a friend around the house. Even if I did almost get myself kicked out for inviting someone into her house that roofied me and Asher. That was a fucked up night.

Dave: Hold up, what? I don’t have a say in what Kathryn is doing at her house, but I’d prefer if you kept that shit out of the house when Jay is around. I don’t know if a child should be subjected to the kind of person that Asher is. I hope you’re not that kind of person, too.

It was kind of strange to see Dave’s demeanor change so quickly when that incident came up. He was defensive of Jay, and I understood it. Jay didn’t even really know me. Even if he had basically downloaded all of my various attires on the SCW video game I played in his room. I still couldn’t believe they put me on the game and didn’t put Asher on there. I’d never let him live that down.

Jordan: Don’t worry about that, Dave, really. Kath took care of it. Honestly, she spoke some sense into me about that whole situation. It was my fault. She didn’t even know what happened until it happened. She was at work. It won’t happen again though. And I know Jay is always with you and Regan when we’re all in town, but I promise I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. That’s not who I am.

Dave leans forward in his seat, his hands folded again.

Dave: I hope that’s the case. I don’t need to run a background check on you, right? See if you’ve been arrested?

I went wide eyed for a moment and swallowed, leaning back hard into my chair. I tried to think of a reply, before Dave burst out laughing.

Dave: I’m fucking with you, Jordan. Seriously, the amount of times I’ve nearly been busted, you wouldn’t believe. In fact, there was this one one time at a wedding rehearsal for a certain asshole ex-friend of mine, where I got so drunk that I tried to steal a couch from the venue. Nearly got it too; got it half way out of a window before I got busted by security… but those fans think I’m a saint. Seriously, I’m just joking. Long as you get the difference between right and wrong, we’re good…

Of course I thought I got the difference. But then again, I heard when I was roofied that I tried to do a “mountain of cocaine” and instead snorted one of those long pixie sticks you can buy at the movie theatres. I also punched my mom in the face because she said something about Jaina. I simply looked at Dave and smiled.

Jordan: I was hoping so. Part of being in the business, I guess. We’re all a little crazy.

Dave: You have NO idea, trust me… and for what it’s worth, while it’s none of my business, the moving to the other side of the country thing? Completely get that. Been there, done that, bought the shirt once and nearly bought another before things worked out. Your business is your business, but if you want my advice, just do what you think is right for you and shit will generally work out in the end.

I shot him one of those wide, toothy grins. Hopefully my teeth looked better than my hair, but I doubted the lube would affect that.

Jordan: Thanks, Dave. You’re kind of like a Yoda, you know?

He shot me a goofy grin and then bust out what had to be the worst Yoda impression I had ever heard.

Dave: Old I am. Experience I have. Hmm.

I couldn’t help but bust out in laughter as the pilot hollered back to us that we were making our approach to land. It was a short flight, but a rewarding one. I liked conversations with Dave. Even if it felt like he was trying to trap me into admitting something was going on between Kath and I, which of course nothing was. I was just lucky to have someone that wanted to make sure I came out of this landing on two feet instead of limping my way forward. Actually, it sort of felt like I might have more people on my side than I realized. I thought I lost everything when I turned my back on Sienna and Bree. Maybe I gained more than I lost.

May 18, 2020 – Santa Monica

I was sitting in my room on my phone after an early morning workout at AnteUp when I got a text from Kath. She said she was looking cute today and she wanted to hang out before I left. It was true. She was on fire today. I looked like I’d just sweated a litre and probably smelled like I rolled through trash or something, but I agreed to go do something before I headed for Breakdown. I was hoping I’d catch the Helms Express again, but if not I’d find my way to the next show on my own. I got up, threw on a loose t-shirt over my sports bra and then sprayed myself with some body spray I’d found in my luggage. It smelled like Jaina. For some reason it made me gag. The smell was such that I dug in my bag and found another one and sprayed myself with it, too. Now I smelled plain weird. Hopefully, no one would notice. I made my way downstairs and found Kath waiting for me in the kitchen. She looked me up and down.

Kathryn: Sweetie, you weren’t kidding about throwing something on.

I smiled and put my arms out and shrugged. She sniffed at the air and then looked at me funny.

Kathryn: That’s a strange new scent… anyway. Let’s go.

Kath took me to her favorite Chinese takeout place. She ordered for both of us because I’m apparently not refined enough to know exactly what tastes best. I had no problems with it. After that, we went to her shop and sat in the back, eating our food. I sat on the counter with chopsticks dug into my box. I was pretty shit with the sticks. I’d have preferred a fork. Kath was sitting in a chair with her legs up on the table using them like a pro. Regardless, tt was nice.

Jordan: So you wanted to go out looking nice and you brought me to work? Interesting choice.

Kath laughed at me and she stood up, putting her food on the counter.

Kathryn: I guess I work in mysterious ways. I have my reasons though.

Kath disappeared through a curtain and walked back in with what was clearly a finished version of my new gear.

Kathryn: I saw your new shirt and had this whipped up quick to match the colors. Thought you might like that.

I smiled at her and put my food down next to hers, but then crossed my arms and shook my head.

Jordan: Kath! I love it, but this is what you consider to be hanging out? Taking me to work is fun!?

I laughed and she chuckled and shook her head.

Kathryn: It’s just a place to eat and I thought, hey, why don’t I show you what I’d been working on for you.

Jordan: Uh, huh. Sure.

Kathryn turned and hung up the attire nearby and stared up at it, adjusting it with her tattoo covered arms. I watched so carefully that she turned around and caught me staring at her and just smiled.

Jordan: Sorry, just admiring.

Kathryn: Thank you, but it wasn’t too difficult to put together. I’ve got your measurements and all.

Jordan: Yes, the gear is perfect.

I laughed.

Jordan: But the art on your arms. It’s beautiful. I’m not sure I’ve really looked at it much before. How long did all of that take?

Kath walked toward me, holding her arms out as she looked at them.

Kathryn: All of this? More than I can remember at this point.

Jordan: I’ve been thinking about getting one. On my hip or something.

I looked at her and I could see the wheels turning in her head. She grinned.

Kathryn: A tattoo? What were you thinking?

Jordan: I have like a rough cut idea of what I want.

Kathryn turned and picked up a pen and a pad and handed it to me.

Kathryn: Show me.

I nodded and tentatively leaned down and started to sketch a design of flowers. Probably just white girl shit when you looked at the amazing art Kath had. But actually it meant something to me. They were roses. My favorite flower. I didn’t know I had a favorite flower until someone had given me them when I was young. I quickly sketched the rose design and flipped it over. Kath cringed.

Kathryn: Oh sweetie. I’m not sure even Jay has drawn something so bad. We cannot allow that to be put on your body. I’ve got a girl though…

She looked at me in a way that was obvious that it was a question. Thirty minutes later we were sitting in a tattoo parlor. There was her girl, taking my rough as shit, apparently child-like sketch, and turning it into a masterpiece. I loved it, frankly, and I was in a mood lately. I said fuck it. Then, all of the sudden I was laying on my right side with my shirt pulled up, my pants and panties pulled slightly down and a quarter of my left butt cheek just hanging out in the air. The artist was preparing me when I felt someone grasp at my hand. I looked up and Kath was sitting there, holding my hand and smiling.

Kathryn: You sure about this?

Jordan: Sure, why not?

She laughed at me and shook her head. I was given the warning that it was about to start. To relax and stay still. It stung more than I expected. Like way more. But Kath was there reassuring me. It was sweet. She was a fucking pro at this, after all. And after a while, as silly as it sounds, I numbed up anyway and I kind of enjoyed it. I didn’t want to look at first, I worried it would weird me out and I wouldn’t make it through until the end, but I plucked up the courage to look and it was actually really cool. Fascinating you could say, I guess? But before I knew it, her girl was wiping me down and saying I could go check myself out in the mirror. I got up and looked at the final result in the mirror and smiled.

Jordan: I fucking love it!

Kath stood just behind me and surveyed it.

Kathryn: Not exactly my typical style, but it’s fitting for you. How’s it feel?

Jordan: It feels fine.

Kathryn: No I mean getting your first tattoo.

I laugh and turn back to look at her.

Jordan: What? This isn’t my first tattoo…

She looks at me completely shocked and a little confused. I turned my back to her and lifted my hair up to show her something hidden by my hair. Three numbers, separated by dashes. It was the date of my very first match on the indies. I was convinced to get it and it probably looked like ass, but I was proud of the meaning behind it.

Kathryn: What is that?

Jordan: So when I first started wrestling as La Luchadora I got a —

Kathryn: La Lucha what?

Jordan: I wore a mask. La Luchadora.

Kathryn: Oh sweetie…

Jordan: Anyway, I was 17, pretending to be 18, and they took me and I got this tat. It was my debut. It was sort of the moment I could say fuck the past. This is me now. And I guess I see it the same way with this one.

I turned, holding my shirt up and pants down and smiled at the flowers on my hip.

Jordan: This is just more of me taking control of my life a little more. I’ve wanted to do this for a while and the only thing holding me back was me.

Kathryn: Well, just to warn you. This can be addicting. And also, I already paid her because I thought this was your first tattoo.

Jordan: Why would you think that?

She shrugged at me and started to chuckle.

Kathryn: I don’t know, you seemed so nervous. Like a first timer. Anyways, it looks great. It’s hot. I think we need to get you home, though, so you can get your bags and meet Dave and the bunch.

Kath wrapped an arm around my torso and pulled me in for a side hug, and then she kissed me on the side of the head. I sort of froze in that moment, smiling still, but just surprised. I was getting so used to hanging out with Kath. She was like the friend I was missing all of this time. Part of me wondered if she was the kind of influence I needed in my life when Bree and the flying monkeys she had following her were busy trying to direct my moves like I was stuck in some weird TV show about Bree and Sienna’s existence on this planet. Somehow, Kath was the one making things feel normal again. Or maybe normal for the first time ever. I felt comfortable, and I loved it. But I still knew there were likely things that these moments were making me ignore. Like the future that was likely coming as a result of the moves I had made. Because it’s clear my life is just one big chess move, and every move I make has a counter move that seems to come back to bite me in the ass.

Later that evening I arrived at the airport in what I thought was a cute midriff shirt. It was by design, of course; Kath’s tattoo artist had given me strict care instructions and I had to keep it covered with the clear plastic stuff she put on it, and I had this aftercare lotion I had to apply then re-wrap afterwards. She told me to avoid being too excessive for a few days to give it time to settle down and start to heal… that was slightly worrying given what I do for a living, but I wasn’t booked so just hoped nobody was going to give me any trouble and by the time I was booked again, it would have healed. As I stepped onto the tarmac I immediately got some looks from the crowd boarding the small jet. Dave was the first to notice and given he was covered more than Kath, he knew exactly what the plastic stuff was, but it was Delilah who ran right up to check out my new ink through the wrap, reassuring me that it looked good. I passed Dave as I headed for the ramp into the plane but he put an arm out to stop me and I ground to a halt in front of him as he looked down at my new ink on my left hand side before looking back up at me. He shot me a smile that had some sort of meaning behind it that was clearly lost on me, his head tilted to one side and suddenly I felt like I was being scrutinised.

Dave: Uh, huh…

Jordan: What?

Dave: Get on the plane, we’ve got to go.

He shook his head and laughed at me as he and Regan walked onto the plane behind me and we took off for Breakdown.

Promo

Jordan sits in a kitchen alone as a phone video opens on her face.

So what’s up everyone? A lot has been going on in the last month or so. My life has changed exponentially. I never imagined any of this happening at all. You know about two months ago I realized I had to make a choice. This crap had just gone on way too long. But it was tough. If I’m being completely honest about it, I felt like if I intervened in any way and helped my brother then I would lose everything. I’d just be out on my ass or living with Jake’s guru, which is clearly just Gary Busey. But here’s the thing, it went beyond all of that for me. If I didn’t stand up for myself, I was just destined to be a lackey for Sienna and her crew. No matter what they said or what promises they were making, I always knew the one thing that would be true is that they would always see me as beneath them. I was never going to be their equal. So I made a choice.

Jordan laughs to herself and breaks into a smile.

I have to admit that choice felt good. It felt freaking incredible. It really did. Sienna was confused. I caught her at her most vulnerable and I planted her. For a moment when I made my decision, I saw the pure panic in her face. Sienna comes across as this complete devil posing as an angel. But in that moment, when she’d lost total control of the situation, she didn’t feel like a celestial being. She felt more human than ever. Because she didn’t expect it. The queen of manipulation thought she had it all figured out. I flipped the script on her. I changed everything.

Jordan grins wide once more but then lets out a sigh.

The costs ended up being high. Shitty really. About a week and a half later I walked into Breakdown and my fiance was there. I don’t think we’re even supposed to talk about this much. Jaina and I were engaged. We kept it quiet. Most of our family didn’t know yet. But for Jaina, that attack on Sienna was an attack on her and her family as well. She called it off. She placed the ring back in front of me and basically gave our time together the middle finger. It sucked…

Jordan lets out a frustrated laugh and leans back into the chair.

Tell me, who else out there can say they lost a fiance because of something like this. It truly felt like I had to make a choice between protecting myself and my family, and a future that was essentially being dictated by two women — or one — who wants to control everything that happens. I paid for my decision. I paid dearly. But the one thing that remains the same is that I have zero regrets. Who are these people? These are the kind of people who would injure someone on purpose. These are the kind of people who will strike down anyone without a second thought if it would benefit them in some way. These are the type of people that would attack Cookie and Derek because they didn’t like the type of match they were booked in.

Jordan shrugs and scoffs at the thought.

A few weeks ago I called Chris Cannon a bitch. Clearly he’s uncontrolled. Sienna has loosened the leash and allowed him to play the role of monster. Because Cookie and Derek didn’t deserve that. I had to do something. And maybe as a result I have unleashed more future fury on myself, but dammit something had to be done. Eventually my judgement day will come, but the one thing they can be sure of is I will fight until my last breath. It’s the only thing I know how to do.

Jordan runs a hand through her hair and smiles.

Anyway, things have actually turned out ok for the most part. I’m back on the west coast where in all reality I am more comfortable. New Orleans was ok, but LA is where things are actually happening. I found a great place to work out and I’ve spent a lot of time lately working on me. That’s really about the best possible outcome after everything that happened. I love it out there. And even though one move made against Sienna resulted in me losing basically all of my friends, plenty new ones popped up right before my eyes. And the best part is they aren’t all insufferable assholes. I don’t have to worry about them talking behind my back or scheming anything that involves me assuming the role of their personal security or something. It’s just normal, no strings attached friendships.

Jordan looks off camera out a window and lets out a happy sigh.

The next time I take the ring it will be against David Helms. This is suddenly a gigantic and a bit awkward match falling in my lap before Taking Hold of the Flame. I won’t lie, it’s pretty freaking awesome to know I was supposed to fight Gigi Steward and that match got replaced with this one. I mean, Dave Helms… I shouldn’t talk about this probably. I’ve always admired Dave a lot. When I moved back out to LA, I was suddenly without a training spot. My friend suggested I go to AnteUp. She even called Dave and insisted he show me around. And that’s what is so incredible about him. Up close, personally like that, Dave is so gentle, straightforward, motivating… you can see why he has coached so many of the future stars of this business. He’s accomplished so much in his career and fought and scrapped to build things that are designed to give back. Not all of us just wake up as millionaires one day.

Jordan smirks and shrugs.

But it’s strange. That relationship has sort of transitioned to this point now where I’m flying with Dave and Regan and their bunch on their private plane to shows. And on the way back, it’s just him and I since neither of us have the full schedule at the moment. So, I can only imagine this week when we head out he and I will be a little different toward each other. Like, maybe quiet. And regardless of the result, it’ll probably be quiet on the way back. Maybe I’m wrong and Dave and I will be chatty. Maybe he will give me pointers after the face. I’m still young in this business and learning. I try to soak in all I can from the wisest minds in this game. I haven’t really been surrounding myself with those people until lately.

Jordan laughs to herself and then shakes her head.

But Dave is one of those people and I feel lucky to have in the moments we have spent together over the last several weeks. I’m not too naive to realize the opportunity at hand here. I’m fighting one of the best who’s ever done this and maybe it’s just Breakdown but every single match really means everything to me. There was a time when I was coming up through this business that I didn’t think I’d make it. I almost let this opportunity slip away. That won’t ever happen again. I’m doing this until I can’t do it anymore. This is the kind of match I dreamed about when I was a teenager. Back when matches like this didn’t seem possible. Now it has fallen in my lap. I thought I was facing Gigi Steward. Now I have a dream match.

Jordan pulls her legs up into the chair and smiles.

Just imagine with me for a minute how much it would mean for me heading into The Flame if I was coming off of a win over Dave Helms… yeah, I know you know exactly what it would mean. Personally it would be a huge achievement. I’ve been watching this man wrestle since I was 13. I’ve seen every move he has, I know everything he’s made of, I’ve seen all of his major in-ring accomplishments… I could do his entrance for him. I’ve seen it so many times. I’m ready to face him in the ring. He doesn’t know what makes me tick. I know for the last few weeks he’s watched me at AnteUp and he knows exactly how capable I am in the ring. He and I have had a lot of moments where we have just sat and talked over the past few weeks, but he doesn’t know what it’s like to really fight with me. I haven’t had a 1-on-1 moment like this since I faced Syren. I failed there. I can’t fail here.

She lets out a slight sigh as she holds the camera down and looks into it.

I’m not going to dwell on the past, though. I’ve got a match against Dave freaking Helms. This is a gift. I’m going to make sure we bring the house down and this time, I’m going to make sure I win. I’m sorry, Dave, and I hope you don’t open the plane door and toss me out from 1,200 feet, but I need this. I feel like I’ve been floundering in a way since Cold Blooded. I need this to rebound and get back on my feet. To remind everyone that I’m for real and to get them ready for what I’m about to do in The Flame. You’re going to get everything I have on Wednesday and I hope you realize that it’s nothing personal. It’s just me living out the dream of a teenage girl who doesn’t have time to be starstruck by her idols anymore. He has all the experience. He has all the history in that ring and my story is still just beginning. But I won’t let what he’s already done dictate what happens in this match between us. I need this. I want this. More than Dave could possibly imagine.

She leans forward against the table and looks into her camera.

I have to admit that since I moved back out to LA, I feel more free. I feel ready for anything right now. Feels like I can do anything. I end this so often with the same words and sometimes I know it’s felt like that was just window dressing. But seriously, more than ever I feel like I can sit here and tell all of you that there is conviction behind everything I say. I’m just telling you my story and letting you watch as I write the chapters. I’m telling you that Jordan Majors is money. Don’t toss me off the plane, Dave, but I have a feeling after you’ve been in the ring with me you will know this to be true. You can take it to the bank.

Jordan winks and ends the video.