May 20, 2020 – Santa Monica
It was pitch black when the Uber pulled into the driveway of Kathryn’s home. I got out and pulled my bag out on the softly illuminated pavement and looked to my right at a car I had nearly missed. I was shocked to imagine that Kath had bought herself a brand new sports car and never mentioned it. Unless she meant what she said about us doing a Thelma and Lousie the other day when we were texting. It was a classic red convertible. Didn’t seem her style, really. I ignored it and walked to the front door. Kath had grown accustomed to me coming in late on occasion from work, sneaking in while she’s sleeping, and then catching me in the morning when I finally drug myself out of bed. When I stuck the key in the door, I heard it unlock from the other side and swing open. I smiled and prepared to laugh that Kath was still up, but suddenly I stood toe-to-toe with a tall, dark-haired man with sleeve tattoos on both arms. We both just sort of stared at each other before he turned and I saw Kath standing right behind him.
Kathryn: Oh! Jordan… you’re home.
The mystery man turned back toward Kath and just smiled, leaning down and placing a kiss on her lips before shimmying past me and exiting through the door. I watched as he made his way toward the car in the driveway and got in. I turned back to Kath.
Jordan: Where’s Jay? Who’s that?
Kathryn: Jay is with my parents tonight. And that is Mike. Someone I’ve been seeing.
I was a little taken back for a moment as I stood in the entryway of the house with my suitcase and stared at Kath. It was strange that I didn’t know about this guy. She raised her brow looking at me as headlights pulling out of the driveway illuminated us.
Kathryn: Do you want to come in so he doesn’t text me asking why I let someone so awkward live here?
She smiles and leans on the door frame. I grab my bag and lug it past her.
Kathryn: How is the tattoo healing?
Jordan: It looks good, I think.
She closed the door and walked up beside me to take a look. She smirked and shook her head.
Jordan: What?
Kathryn: Just find it funny that Dave thinks I’m a bad influence on you when that was your decision.
Jordan: Eh, well, we all make decisions don’t we?
I turned and headed up the stairs, smiling down at her. She stopped for a moment and just watched me. She looked confused by my words. They were vague on purpose. I wasn’t clever enough to hide that fact. About the time I reached my room, I heard her start making her way up the steps. I picked up my suitcase and put it on the bed and unzipped it right as Kathryn walked in.
Kathryn. Sweetie? Something wrong?
Something was wrong. I had weird feelings about seeing a man over with Kath, but I didn’t want to address that. They were stupid. I was immature to even have them. I shook them from my mind, or at least tried to, and decided to reference something else.
Jordan: I just messed up.
Kathryn: Messed up how?
Jordan: I messed up! Ok?
I felt bad for even being a little bitchy, but she cared enough to sit down and look at me. A month ago if I had a conversation like this with a woman in my room someone would be storming off. She just sat there and looked at me, waiting for me to change my tone. I stopped unpacking the few items in my suitcase and looked at her.
Jordan: Back at the beginning of the year, I was approached by Josh Hudson for a business deal. He wanted to start a promotion in the northeast. I gave him money. It’s all gone.
Kathryn: How much money we talking?
Jordan: Just a million.
Kathryn: Wait, just?
Jordan: I don’t mean to minimize it. I’m not happy. Promises were made. A lot of that was used to establish a somewhat expensive office space and renovate it. He’s already closed down everything. My lawyer let me know yesterday. I’m just very… meh about the whole situation. I’m not happy. I’m not overly sad. I’m also a little confused by it. I tried to call the son of a bitch and he didn’t answer. So, it’s just all in my head. Between this and the money I gave Peyton…
Kathryn: You gave Peyton Rice money? For what reason?
I let out a deep sigh. I was digging myself a hole here. Like a massive, backhoe sized hole.
Jordan: I don’t know… I was trying to be a good person and I gave her too much I think. I’m just sitting here and trying to reevaluate a lot of things. Granted, I’ve been saving a lot of money recently. But since the start of 2020 I’d say I’ve easily blown a good 5 or 6 million dollars.
I watched Kath’s mouth slowly drop in reaction to what I’d just said. Honestly, it made me cringe at myself a little bit. I was acting like an idiot with my money, clearly, and her reaction was correct.
Kathryn: I’m both equally shocked to know you blew that amount and also to know that you had a lot more than you initially indicated. How much did he leave you?
I sighed and then frowned.
Jordan: Like $10 million more than I have now.
Kathryn: Shit… $10 million in a year…
Jordan: Hey don’t judge me like that!
Kathryn: Sorry, I just. Wow. Hard to imagine.
I looked down and then just grabbed the half-full suitcase and moved it to the floor and climbed up on the bed, laying down. She turned and looked up at me as I laid on my right side.
Kathryn: Do you want to talk about it?
I looked down at her and let out a deeper sigh.
Jordan: Maybe in the morning? Over coffee? I need some sleep. It’ll clear my head if I just get some sleep.
Kathryn nodded and squeezed my leg gently as she got up and left the room, turning off the light. I got up out of bed as she soon as she closed the door and used my phone to put some light on my suitcase. I dug for my pills and shook out a valium. I swallowed down my little pill without anything to chase it down and then crawled back up into bed. When I woke up it felt early. But I looked at it was 9 a.m. already. Shit! I rolled over and grabbed my phone. It was mostly dead. Call after call from my agent. I’d left it on silent when I came home. I walked downstairs as I listened to a voicemail instructing me to call now. Kath got up and started pouring coffee as she saw me. She was ready for the day and I was still wearing what I had on last night. Looking like ass, I’m sure. When I called, my agent insisted on a video call.
Jordan: Karen, what!
Karen: Ok, you’re here. So we got a call early this morning. A production company in Toronto is putting together a television show that a particular network is already interested in, and they contacted me about your availability to read for a part.
I sort of stared blankly into the phone for a moment and titled my head as Kath approached me with my coffee and handed it to me. She stood in the picture next to me.
Karen: Oh, hey Jordan’s friend. Jordan your girlfriend can’t tell anyone about this.
Jordan: Huh? What? This is Kathryn. She owns the place I’m staying at. She’s a friend. Not a girlfriend.
Karen: I wasn’t implying that she was.
Jordan: Karen, I’m confused. I wasn’t even interested in doing anything like this in the first place. When you called me about it last week it was a joke, now the calls keep coming. What did you do?
Karen: I didn’t do anything. I swear!
Jordan: I fired you before. I could do it again! Ah, who am I kidding. I’m not that kind of bitch anymore. I’m just very concerned that you have my name being passed around for stuff like this. I’m not really the acting type. I’m not dramatic.
Karen starts to laugh and holds a hand up to her face. I roll my eyes and look at Kath to ask if she can believe this. But she’s laughing, too. What the hell? I look back at Karen.
Jordan: I don’t think we can agree to this.
Karen: Do you at least want to hear about it?
Jordan: I mean, sure?
Karen: Ok, it’s a comic book style show adapted from Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Essentially they want to make that like its own superhero universe of sorts. So they want you to read for the role of Little Red Riding Hood. A character called Britney. I guess she is a monster hunter of sorts. Carries a sword. They actually even sent me this graphic someone made of you wearing a potential outfit of sorts. Let me email it to you… hold on…
I look away from my phone at Kath to laugh, but she seems intrigued listening on from a few inches away. My phone vibrates as the email comes in and I swipe it up to see what appears to be a rough version of me wearing this tight, sexy, red outfit.
Jordan: Holy shit, Karen! I already told you to stop this porn-esque stuff.
Karen: Oh this is legit, girl. I mean Jordan.
Jordan: Stop acting like I’m gonna hurt you. That was over a year ago.
Karen: Sorry, Jordan. Anyway. This would be a big deal. You’d have to spend maybe two months in Toronto. Maybe three. They’d work with your schedule obviously so you’d be wrestling half the week and acting the rest of the week. That’s if you even got the part.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Looking at Kath.
Jordan: I don’t know. It all sounds a little crazy. I mean, it sounds like something that Shaun Cruze would put together. That alien movie was complete shit. All he did was try to be a mega attractive male for 2 and a half hours and not all of us are into that.
Kathryn: I thought it was ok. Not the best, but not the worst.
Karen: I actually liked it.
I turned and glared into my phone at Karen.
Jordan: Of course you did. Anyway. What am I supposed to do with this. Wait a minute, they aren’t talking to anyone I should worry about are they?
Karen: I actually already asked about Ms. Lancaster’s boyfriend and they said they were not interested in him. They wouldn’t tell me why for obvious reasons.
Jordan: I saw his last movie. I get it.
It went quiet for a moment and then I laughed, looking at Kath and then Karen.
Jordan: What, nobody gonna defend that one?
Kathryn: Eh…he may be Dave’s half-brother, but an average film is an average film…
Karen stared back at me blankly and I shook my head and sighed.
Jordan: Ok then, what do we need to do about this then?
Karen: You let me know if you want to do this and they will actually have you read in LA. So you’ll have to fly out there from New Orleans.
Jordan: Karen I’ve been living in LA for like a month. Where you been, boo?
Karen: Oh, perfect! I think you should do this. Just let me know by the end of the day.
Jordan: The day, holy shit!
Karen: Yeah. They gave you until Sunday, but I want to really convey the excitement you have for this role.
Jordan: Karen I’ve known about this for a few minutes. Calm your tits for a moment.
I looked at Kath and she shrugged.
Jordan: Let me take a bit here to think about this. Don’t you dare tell them I’ve already agreed to this.
I hung up before Karen could say anything else and sat the phone on the table, grabbing the mug and taking a sip. I sighed happily about my drink. Kath looked at me quizzically for a moment. I caught on and shot her the same look.
Kathryn: So are we going to talk about this?
Jordan: What? Mike? Tell me about that. I’m curious where that came from. And why I didn’t know.
Kathryn laughed.
Kathryn: I was talking about the TV show thing, but clearly your mind is on something else. Why so curious about Mike?
Jordan: Oh the show. I’m gonna do it obviously. Just for the experience. Why hold myself back. Who knows, I could be half as good as Shaun Cruze and at least doubly more interesting than Dominic Teller. Not as beautiful as Kennedy, but at least cute, right?
Kathryn: Ok, dial it back for a moment. Why so interested to know about Mike?
Jordan: I just think it’s very odd that you didn’t tell me about him. I’ve been living with you for like a month now. How did I not know.
Kathryn: I don’t know. That was the first time he’d been here. Also, we started seeing each other before you first moved here.
Jordan: And here I thought you were just another lonely soul like me.
Kathryn: I’m not even sure if it’s that serious yet…
I sighed and leaned forward against the table.
Jordan: He kissed you, boo. I saw it. That’s not serious?
Kathryn made a face at me for a moment and then burst into laughter.
Kathryn: Just a kiss is that serious? Does holding hands mean we’re about to get married?
Jordan: Don’t make fun of me. I’m going through some shit. I haven’t even found a rebound yet.
Kathryn: Stop being so focused on that. But you better let your agent know about your decision. She’s probably literally just waiting for you.
Kath stood up and kissed the top of my head, laughing as she walked away. I grabbed my phone and sent Karen a text that I’m going to do. Within seconds she texted me back that she had already told them I was in. God dammit. Of course she did. I took one last sip of my coffee before putting the glass down and looking to see where Kath went. I needed to know more about this Mike character. Facebook and Google Chrome were about to become very acquainted with me.
May 22, 2020 – Los Angeles
Kath and I had dinner that Thursday to talk about Mike. She cooked for me. It was fancy. I mean, fancy for me. No one ever cooked for me. I appreciated that fact. I had searched for information about Mike before our dinner, but try as I might, you wouldn’t believe the amount of people named Mike in LA. Ridiculous! I figured Cookie might have an idea later. She and I had begun spending a lot of time together. Before every show, she was like my sister. Or something. I had taken a bit of initiative to get out and try this whole dating scene thing. Just to get out there. I’d met this chick at AnteUp. Well, I knew her from before. Delilah was her name. I kind of thought she had a boyfriend because this latin dude followed her around everywhere, but I asked if she wanted to go out to eat and play mini golf and she agreed. Luckily the mini golf place also had food, so it was a perfect 2 for 1 kind of situation. Although I wondered if mini golf was the right kind of “date” location for a 24-year-old. Also though, she wasn’t 21 so it wasn’t like we were gonna be hitting the clubs. Dinner was nice. Just talking and connecting was incredible. So we decided to play a little golf. Then it got competitive.
Delilah: Check this out, mate. I bet I can nail this one. Right through that windy thing there, down the hill and around the corner.
Jordan: You can’t even see the hole from here. No way…
Delilah: You want to make a wager then? Make it interesting?
I looked at her curiously. I know my head tilted a little and my eyes narrowed, too.
Jordan: What do you have in mind?
Delilah lifted a hand to her chin and stroked it slowly as she looked upward at nothing in particular. I crossed my arms and waited in anticipation of whatever idea she was about to come up with.
Deliliah: How about this, mate. I drill this shot, next time we spar you have to dress like Manvel and act like him.
I looked at her a little shocked and a little concerned about how she would come up with that specific idea.
Jordan: I’m sorry, what? Are you mad? Do you realize how much oil that would require?
Delilah: I just want to know if it’s true that you really are slippery when wet. I’ve heard rumors.
Jordan: Everyone knows I’ve had a televised match in lube.
Delilah: But is it true you fought Peyton in a secret match. I heard you hit her with a sex toy.
Jordan: How the fuck do you know that?
She simply grins and leans against the putter.
Delilah: So it did happen then?
I shake my head and laugh, then shake my hands.
Jordan: Yeah, we’re not gonna get into that and what happened. You’re not gonna make this shot anyway, so let’s just see what you’re made of, D.
Delilah: Just watch me.
Deliah closed an eye and held the putter up in some ridiculous ritual like she was lining up a shot. Then she approached the ball like the world’s best golfer and took her shot. The ball slowly rolled down the green carpet and right between the windmill. Then it swiftly took a right turn and started heading toward the hole, moving past the bumpy area of green with complete ease. I rushed to my left to get a view of its final destination and saw the ball about to stop, but then I swore I saw a latin man crawl in on his stomach and scoop the ball in with a hand. But at that moment I tripped over the rocks and fell face first into the stream of water that runs along the hole. I heard the splash and felt the water cover my face and torso. I sat up on my knees and looked over at Delilah who was trying not to laugh. Trying harder not to smile. Her eyes were as wide as saucers.
Delilah: Holy shit, mate. I made the shot. And I can see your bra by the way. That white shirt isn’t doing you any favors.
I quickly crossed my arms over my chest as she walked over and reached up with a hand to wipe my mascara out of my face. I shivered in place.
Jordan: What the fuck was that?
Delilah: A perfect shot before you fell into water out of frustration or something.
Jordan: No! The guy! The guy that crawled in and put your ball in the hole!!
Delilah put a hand on my forehead and stared directly into my eyes.
Delilah: Are you positive you didn’t bump your noggin on the rocks when you fell? I didn’t see anyone.
I looked at her for a moment and then stomped down the hill toward the hole. There was a noise in the bushes and someone dressed in black sprinted away from the area. Delilah came running in from behind me and scooped her arms around my waist.
Delilah: Christ, mate, they allow criminals to wander this golf course?
I turned back over my shoulder to look at her. I was about 75 percent sure it was her tag team partner spying on our date for some reason.
Delilah: You’re gonna look great as Manvel.
We continued playing the game. Finishing the remaining 12 holes. But Delilah was terrible at it. I beat her by several strokes. Either she was just plain bad or that kid had snuck into the course to ensure she would win this bet. After a short time talking following the golf, I asked if she’d take me home and she drove us back to Kath’s. It was nice just the two of us. As we drove into Kath’s driveway I turned to her and smiled.
Jordan: You wanna come inside?
She grinned and laughed. Then she shrugged.
Deliliah: I mean. Sure?
I raised a brow at her and leaned back into the seat.
Jordan: I guess it’s fine if you don’t.
Delilah turned the car off and got out without saying a word. I giddily jumped out from my side and made my way next to her to walk to the door. As soon as we walked in, I saw Kath standing in the kitchen looking like she was about to head upstairs. She stopped in her tracks and walked over toward us.
Jordan: Oh, Kath. This is Delilah.
There was a sudden silence as Kath and Delilah stared at each other and then Kath looked back at me.
Kathryn: Um… yeah. I mean, I know. She IS Regan’s cousin. You know, my kids stepmom?
Jordan: Oh… oh yeah, duh.
I would not have complained if the ground opened up and swallowed me at that point. What would my next trick be, take her mom out to lunch then introduce them too?
Jordan: Well we just went on a date.
Delilah: Hold up mate, that was a date? You serious?
I see Kath looking me up and down curiously. I was ready in that moment for the earth to seriously split open and just take me and leave these two.
Kathryn: Did you decide to dive into a shallow pond or something?
I looked between them and felt myself growing a little embarrassed. Well, fuck, a lot of embarassed looking back at the moment. If I’m being honest, I just wanted to pass out right there and wake up on another day. It was humiliating. But the hits kept on coming.
Delilah: I kinda have a boyfriend. Not sure he’d be exactly happy with me if he knew I was out dating someone else. Listen, thanks for the dinner and games though, mate. I gotta get back home.
Delilah stepped forward and gave me a hug and headed for the door.
Delilah: You’re weird, mate. But you’re still my girl for cheat days!
She left and I turned to look at Kath who was smiling. An ear-to-ear grin that seemed all too amused by whatever this clusterfuck of a night was.
Kathryn: Still looking for that rebound, huh?
I peeled off that still wet shirt and just tossed it on the ground in the entryway, letting out a massive sigh as I looked at her.
Jordan: Apparently I don’t even know how to date right. I basically just paid for a friend’s dinner. What the hell is wrong with me, boo? I’m broken as fuck.
I stood there, huffy, in just my bra and a pair of shorts. Kath still looked a little bit amused. She reached out and grabbed my hand and started dragging me toward the kitchen, She let my hand go as we reached the fridge and she grabbed an already chilled bottle of wine and two glasses. She poured us each a glass and waved me to follow her out to the beach. I followed in my bra and walked out onto the sand with the stars hanging above us. She stopped just outside of the fence and looked out over the water. I took a sip as the cool, night time air nipped at my skin.
Kathryn: You’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to move past this whole thing. If I could take a little bit of money out of your account everyone you talk about rebounding and put it in my account… I’d be loaded and you’d be flat broke.
I smirked and then sat down in the sand in front of us and let out another sigh. Kathryn sat down next to me and looked over at me.
Kathryn: It doesn’t need to be so complicated. It shouldn’t be forced. Plus, it felt like you just drug someone into the house tonight to prove that you could do it. And she seemed pretty confused. And then you threw your shirt off, which, I’ll admit isn’t out of character for you. It’s just a level of frustration I haven’t seen before. You look like a mess, sweetie.
I took a sip of the wine and then dangled the glass in front of me.
Jordan: I admit it. This is hard. Not having Bree around, it’s whatever. That hasn’t been as big of a hole as I thought. Losing Jaina? It’s still killing me a little bit. Shitty thing was, it was my fault all along.
Kathryn: It’s not your fault.
Jordan: It sure feels like it is. I tempted things. Fucked around with her heart a little bit. Pushed her buttons when it came to Abi. I asked for this. I was hovering a finger over pushing the button for self destruction and she just slammed a fist into it. This was going to happen no matter what. It just sucks because… I knew better. When I was growing up, I watched my mom do this kind of thing over and over. She’d get so close to a man, have him over all the time.
I let out a bit of a sigh as I looked up into the sky.
Jordan: I was dying to have a father figure. And then she’d go for the next thing that caught her eye. She’d rip that security right out from under us for the next line that someone could put on the table in front of her. So I can understand why you’re so careful with people, you know? Like why you’re so cautious. Jay deserves better than that.
I brought the glass to my lips and took a sip, bringing it back to my lip before staring up into the sky. Before I knew what was happening though, Kath took the glass from my hand and put it down in the sand, along with her own before turning around to face me, cross legged. I looked at her before doing the same thing, so we were sat facing each other.
Kathryn: When I was growing up, Daddy drilled it into me that I would take over from him with the family business some day. He had it all planned, I’d go to college, graduate with honors and then join the company, and when he was ready to retire, I’d be his successor… and I went along with everything he wanted. I did well in school, I got a place at the Questrom School of Business in Boston and was in the top ten percent of my class the first year. But I didn’t really WANT to do any of that, it wasn’t what I wanted for my life.
She bit her lower lip a little and took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly. I don’t know if it was just the wine that was doing it or it was talking about this stuff, but this was the most vulnerable I’d seen Kath since I first came to LA. It felt strange to see.
Kathryn: I went along with it though, because it was what Daddy expected of me. But then I met Dave. This wasn’t David Helms the superstar like he is now, this was a guy who barely had two cents to rub together… but I fell for him and I gave up EVERYTHING to move to Canada with him when he got his first real pro offer. I dropped out of college, passed up on a great school and a life running a big fortune five hundred company to simply be with Dave. We got married, I became his valet and the rest is history…
She wasn’t nibbling her lip anymore, but she wasn’t making much sense either. I wasn’t following her point. Which I guess she could see in my face, because she smiled at me.
Kathryn: I’m telling you this, because while it’s a world away from your life growing up and while I wouldn’t ever want to compare your experiences to the plain sailing that I had… the only person that can ultimately decide what direction you take IN life is you and you alone, Jordan. So worrying that you’re a product of your environment or that you’re doing just what your mom did, I get that I really do. But you are not your mom’s choices in life and you’re not her mistakes either. And everything you’ve gone through over the past year, everything you’ve gone through over your whole life, it’s all leading somewhere. You just need to figure out where that is…
She reached out and grabbed my hands and held them in her own, smiling at me. I didn’t even realise how tighty I was gripping back until I looked down and could just about see my knuckles tensed up beneath the skin.
Kathryn: You might not believe in yourself right now, sweetie… but I believe in you. Not sure how much that helps, but I believe in you.
I burst up from my position and wrapped my arms around her, embracing her tightly. She wrapped her arms back around me. I didn’t know if I spilled our glasses of wine with my action, but I didn’t care. At that moment, it was just what I needed. For so long now I’ve been trying so hard to make my decisions. I had so much influence over them from people like Bree and Sienna. I was so focused on not being my mom that I fooled myself into believing I was just becoming her anyway. For the first time ever, someone had just grabbed me and told me they truly believed in me. That they believed I was capable of making the right decisions. At that moment, I’m not sure if it was the cool air and the wine, or maybe just Kath’s words and embrace, maybe it was all of it… but the pressure I felt seemed to just fade away. I was at ease. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt that way. Maybe I never had.
May 23, 2020 – Los Angeles
On Friday Karen had primed me for what I could expect when I went to this read or audition, whatever you want to call it, and showed off my non-existent acting chops. Early Saturday I caught an Uber across town to the location of this thing and walked into a building. I took a deep breath and pushed my way into an office space expecting an inconspicuous waiting room where I would sit along with other hopefuls trying to break into the entertainment business. Instead, there were just two people and a camera set up. They sat in two chairs and looked at me.
Tina: Jordan?
Jordan: Uh… yes…
Tina: I’m Tina. This is Rich. Welcome.
I stepped in cautiously, looking around the room. There was a couch in the corner, opposite of the camera. Shit, maybe this wasn’t what I thought it was.
Jordan: Listen, I thought this was for a TV show but if this is some sorta weird thing…
Rich: I’m sorry, weird thing? This is for the show Heroes of Grimm. It’s a working title. You knew that correct?
Jordan: Uh, yeah… I was curious. My agent never told me. Why did you contact me about this part? I’ve never been in anything like this before.
Rich looked at Tina and smiled. Tina, a middle-aged woman with dark skin and curly black hair just smirked.
Tina: Rich and I wondered that ourselves to be honest. But the creator of this show saw you on a wrestling television show, apparently, and he was hooked. He has this idea that you could be the next wrestling star to become an actor.
Rich: He’s a big Shaun Cruze fan!
Jordan: Oh…
So, great! He was hoping I would be the next wrestler to star in terrible movies that seem to be rip offs of better movies. I guess that’s what this was about. Tina stood up and scooped up a document and walked toward me.
Tina: You’ll be reading from this. Starting on the first page. We’ll fill in for you. Read it how you think the character would read it, ok?
I nodded and skimmed over the material as Tina headed back for her chair.
Rich: So let me tell you about this character. She was engaged, but then she found out her fiance was evil. Believe it or not, he breaks it off with her!
Jordan: I can relate…
Rich: And so she just loses it. And then she finds out he was actually a minion of the big bad wolf. We’re still working on who will play that role. That’s one of the main antagonists for the first season as this is written. The part itself was written for a specific actor, but… the showrunners had a change of heart after he did this movie that completely bombed. It was utterly boring. Got them thinking it would be a death sentence for this show. So when we knew for sure he was out, we knew it gave us a better shot at someone like you.
Tina: If the read goes well, that is. Should we start?
Jordan: I’m sorry, someone like me?
Rich and Tina looked at each other and Tina was shooting him a specific look that indicated he better be short on details. Rich looked at me and just smiled.
Rich: Maybe the showrunners can fill you in on that at another time. We probably shouldn’t say.
Tina: Why don’t we just read for the part. Let me set the scene. You are Britney and you just learned that your fiance isn’t who you thought he was. You were cornered by a group of the big bad wolf’s minions, a legion of vampire underlings who —
I started to laugh and then went to cover my mouth.
Tina: Is there a problem?
Jordan: No. No. It’s just that… well I’m kind of a nerd myself so I know this kinda stuff but holy shit this is like nerdtastic.
Rich: Is that going to be an issue? Are you going to be able to take this seriously?
Jordan: Yes, sorry. Continue.
Tina: Rich why don’t you help her with this part.
I watched as Rich, a skinny also middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair got up and retrieved a prop sword from the floor along with the script from the table. He approaches me and holds the sword up.
Tina: My servants. Rid this world of the beast that lies before us so that we can conquer every place that we touch. It is the time for us to show who we truly are. Strike her down and we can begin our journey.
Rich: Yes, my lord.
Jordan: Please! Don’t do this!
Tina: It’s too late for you.
Jordan: I loved you. I always have. You don’t have to choose them over me!
Before I could read the next line something whacked me in the back so hard that it reverberated up my spine and dropped me to my knees. Tina stood up in shock as she watched me crumple to the ground and roll on to my side. I was writhing in pain. That’s when I realized what happened. That fucker Rich hit me right in the back with that god damn sword. And it was harder than hell. A blunt object just smacking me right in the spine.
Tina: The emotions on your face! Bravo Jordan! I really bought that. Did you see that Rich?
Rich: Sort of. After I struck her with the sword I sort of lost track of what was happening. Should we run through it again?
Jordan: No!
I managed to breathe out a guttural sound that at least made it clear we weren’t doing that live stunt I was unprepared for a second time. I got up to one knee and slowly made it to my feet.
Tina: The good thing is we got that on tape. I think the showrunners are going to love that bit honestly. I was hesitant to buy into this at first. But now I’m genuinely curious what else you can show me.
I managed to gather myself as I looked at them and Rich made his way back to his seat.
Jordan: Can I ask, did the creator base this story off anything in particular? Some of this dialogue seemed vaguely familiar to me.
Rich: Not that I’m aware of. The most important thing to him was that he cast someone with a very physical presence yet also striking enough to catch the audience’s attention. For whatever reason, you caught his attention.
We continued on with the read and I learned a lot more about this character Britney. Apparently in the series her man does her so wrong she turns gay. I couldn’t really relate. I’d been gay forever. But then again this was a character so I’d figured it out. There was to be an early kiss between me and this wolf character. Something that establishes their time together. Later on the stuff gets kind of raunchy. There’s a scene where she’s hooking up with a vampire and she has a bite mark on her chest. Ouch! That’s kinky, but fuck? What person wants a vampire biting their breasts? It was clear this character was meant to be a sexy siren of sorts. There were moments in the read where I could tell I was coming across awkward. Both Rich and Tina did some on the spot coaching and eased some of the tensions. They relayed that everyone involved understood I was not a trained actress.
Tina: The thing is, from what we’ve seen in SCW we know that you learn on the fly pretty quickly.
Rich: At least sort of. I mean you learn, but sometimes we’re all watching and trying to decide if you know how to make a decision.
Jordan: I, uhh, might know what you’re getting at there.
Rich looked at his watch and then looked at me with a surprised look on his face.
Rich: Well, damn. We’ve been going at this for about two and a half hours now. I think it’s time we call this one good.
Tina: Rich is right. We have all we need from you. We’ll be in touch.
Jordan: So how does this work? You’ll just call me or…
Tina and Rich look at each other and then back at me with an identical smile plastered on their face.
Tina: We’ll be in touch.
Jordan: About how long do you–
Tina: We’ll be in touch.
I stood there awkwardly for a moment, staring at them as they stared back at me. I smiled and then began walking for the door. I retrieved my bag on the way through and then checked my phone as the door closed behind me. There were at least two dozen calls and texts from Karen. A few voicemails. One of the texts said “EMERGENCY.” Instead of bothering with checking any of the voicemails, I just went ahead and called her.
Karen: Oh my god!
Jordan: Uh, hello?
Karen: Oh my god, Jordan. I’m sorry. I don’t know how or why.
Jordan: Jesus, Karen. I just left the reading? Did they decide against me while I was still in there? I told you this was a terrible idea. I thought it was porn, but you convinced me to do it anyways and now I’m embarrassed. They must have hated me!
Karen: This has nothing to with the part.
I sort of froze up. Had something happened to Kath? Shit, had something happened to Jaina or Bree? Was someone hurt somewhere?
Jordan: Karen, you have me worried.
Karen: I don’t know how this happened, but TMZ has pictures of you and Kath together. You getting your tattoo and her holding your hand. You two on the beach, laughing together. It all looks very intimate. A whole gallery?
Jordan: What?
Karen: 34 pictures Jordan! 34!
Jordan: I’m confused. Where did this… how did… what does it say?
Karen: The headline reads: Majors’ Mystery Woman. Recently single Jordan Majors is on hunt, but has she already fallen prey to a sexy, mysterious cougar on the beaches of Santa Monica?
I put a hand up to my face and buried my hand in it. What the fuck was this? I knew people were going to be asking questions about how I got myself in this situation in the first place.
Karen: Should I send out an answer on this?
Jordan: Good lord, no, Karen. We all know you’d make it worse. I don’t know how Kath is gonna feel about this…
Karen: On the positive note, you both look very good in these pictures. Sorta surprising that the paparazzi are following you around. I mean, you’re just a wrestler. Not even a major star or anything. Not like you have appeared on a national morning news show or been in any major ad campaigns. You’ve not even gotten a TV part or a movie deal. Just wrestling. Sorta crazy isn’t?
Jordan: Shut up, Karen.
Karen: If I need to–
I hung up the phone and sighed, pulling it up and ordering myself an Uber so I could get back home. But right as I was about to put in Kath’s address, I stopped myself. I punched in a different address instead. It was someone I knew would be home, but that was quite a drive away from this location. I wasn’t sure if they would see this TMZ post. Didn’t really seem to be their kinda thing. But we needed to talk. We needed to finally clear the air about what was going on between us. As the Uber started heading my way I wrote out a text to Kath.
Text: Hey, maybe don’t check TMZ at all. You’ve been warned.
I stared at the text for a few seconds and then deleted every word of it. Replacing it with something simpler instead.
Text: I’ll be home a little later.
May 23, 2020 – One Hour Later
The ride through LA was long. I found myself staring out the window of the worn down Camry and trying to decide how this would possibly go. The driver said very little when he stopped and looked back at me. Thing was, I hadn’t said much throughout the trip. I stepped out of the car and reached into my purse for a bottle and snapped out a pill and swallowed it down as the car sped off behind me. I walked up a few steps toward the front door of an apartment and knocked a few times on the door. After a few moments a familiar face opened the door and looked at me. My old fuck buddy herself, Abigail.
Abigail: I’d been waiting for this…
My eyes grew wide. Shit, she’d already seen the photos. She knew this would be my move, too. To explain myself and where they had come from. I let out a deep sigh and turned to look at her after getting through the door.
Jordan: I can explain.
Abi pushed the door shut and smiled.
Abigail: There’s no need to explain. I’d hoped you’d come eventually.
Jordan: I have to explain though.
Abigail stepped toward me, practically sauntering up to me until there were just inches between us. She looked down at my body and then ran a hand along my hair, brushing some behind my left ear.
Abigail: Explain it to me…
Jordan: The pictures… I don’t know why they’re following me around. But there is no mystery woman. It’s just that–
Abigail was staring at me very curiously. She looked completely confused.
Abigail: The pictures?
I sighed. I should have listened to myself an hour ago and not done this. I knew better than to think she would be surfing the internet and looking at posts on TMZ. This is Abigail Lindsay. She’s been sitting in that chair in her living room for the last several hours finishing off books and devising secret plans to conquer the world when she returns on a whim to make the world her personal plaything. I was foolish to expect anything other than that. Her hand trailed down and dropped from my hair and she walked away from me, sitting back down in that chair and crossing her legs. She eyed her phone on a nearby table and then looked at me.
Abigail: Should I look at these photos of a mystery woman or should I just make an assumption that you were photographed around town with someone?
I pulled my own phone out of my purse and pulled up Twitter, just showing her the main photo associated with the tweet that links to their website. It was Kath and I on the beach. We were both smiling and I had a hold of her hand, leaning into her. Abi stared at the photo for a moment and then looked away from me and the screen. I put my phone back in my bag and stood there, waiting. She turned back and looked at me.
Abigail: What am I supposed to do with this? Are you here looking for a reaction?
Jordan: No, I… I don’t know.
Abigail: We talked about this. You’re single. You can do whatever you want. You don’t owe me anything. If you want to date whoever… it’s your life. Do I want to be with you, duh, but it’s not my decision.
For some reason I felt my heart like a lump in my throat. Did I know this information? Of course I did. It somehow felt entirely different to have her just up and say it when I was standing here defending myself for being pictured with another woman. Pictured with Kath. Abigail stared at me as I said nothing in return and she crossed her legs the other way.
Abigail: For awhile now I’ve been putting everything in my life, romantically, on hold. Did I hope you’d be back? Yes. I half thought that’s what this was when you showed up out of the blue knocking on my door. I thought now that you and Jaina were finished… I thought maybe you just needed some time. To decompress. I was willing to wait. But…
Abigail let out a sigh of her own and leaned her arm against the arm of the chair and looked straight into my eyes.
Abigail: I don’t want to be left waiting forever. I have given you more power over this than I have ever given anyone. You know this because I didn’t give it to you before. So I would hope you make up your mind soon. Because if you continue to leave me here waiting like this, I am not guaranteed to be available by the time you actually decide if you want to do this.
I nodded and looked down, biting my lip. I just couldn’t stop nodding for some reason.
Jordan: Sure. Yeah, I mean, I understand that. It was never my intention to put you in this position. It just sort of–
Abigail: I do have a question though.
Jordan: Ok…
Abigail: I’m not stupid. I know who the woman in that photo is. My family is very aware of who Kathryn Pearson is. Trust me. I just have to say I find it pretty odd that a woman like you, Jordan, with all of your wealth would move back to Los Angeles and decide to live with a complete stranger. I know you’re living with her. I pay attention. It’s obvious. People also talk. Don’t you think it’s a little strange that you’ve been living here now for about a month and you’re living with a single mother that you barely know?
I tilted my head a little and shifted my feet.
Jordan: What are you trying to get at?
Abigail: I get it if you and her are friends, but why are you, one of the wealthiest people I know, living in someone’s spare bedroom? Or are you sleeping in her room?
Jordan: I told you already. Nothing is going on. We’re just friends. That’s it. There’s no reason for you to try and turn this into something it isn’t. That’s just pointless.
Abigail stared at me for another moment longer and then smirked.
Abigail: I’m not sure I understand why you came over here to defend this if it’s nothing. That feels pretty pointless. It was just a question. Are you going to get your own place or continue to share a home with your colleague’s ex-wife.
I shifted in place again. It was awkward to have this conversation like this.
Jordan: I’m sorry. Maybe I should go. I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced like this. I’m not sure I was thinking straight.
Abigail: You don’t need to leave, but I do want you to be honest with me.
I pulled out my phone as she spoke and started punching at it with my fingers, ordering another car. It was an escape of sorts.
Abigail: I just need you to tell me what you want. Maybe you don’t know that yet, but I’ve been waiting for months and turning away other opportunities that are probably out there. I stopped all together with the hope that I would be what you wanted. And I can see you on Twitter liking every hot girl you come across. Flirting. I’m not sure what it is between you and Cookie, but it doesn’t seem normal.
Jordan: She’s just my friend. That’s it. Thankfully, my car is already here that fast. This conversation is not going well for us. We need to talk again when we’re both thinking straight.
I headed for the door and Abi let out a sigh. I saw her shaking her head at me as she leaned her head against her hand.
Jordan: Abi, I’m sorry I showed up like this and I’m sorry for everything that I’m apparently putting you through right now.
Abigail: You don’t need to be sorry. You just need to tell me if I should still be waiting on you.
I shut the door behind me and walked to the car. The trip from Abi’s back to Santa Monica didn’t even feel that long. But it no doubt put me well behind the time I hoped to be back at Kath’s. It was the middle of the afternoon when I walked in. She heard me and emerged from her room and walked down the stairs. There was a smile on her face and it instantly put me at ease.
Kathryn: How was the read. Did it all go well?
Jordan: I think so. I just went to Abi’s place.
It was a quick change of subject. Kath moved a little like she was uncomfortable and shifted her weight to the other side.
Kathryn:Oh? What’s going on there?
I put my bag down on a nearby counter and crossed my arms.
Jordan: Because you haven’t said anything, I’m going to assume you don’t even know yet.
Kathryn: What’s going on…
Jordan: There are pictures of us online. On TMZ.
Kathryn: Us? On TMZ? Sweetie you are shitting me.
Jordan: I shit you not. They say that I have a mystery woman.
Kathryn looked at me in a bit of shock. I could see it plastered on her face.
Kathryn: A mystery woman? So they don’t know who I am?
Jordan: You’re missing the point here. TMZ is reporting that you are a mystery cougar I am shacking up with.
Kathryn: A cougar!?
Jordan: They have 34 photos of us all over town. Photos here on the beach outside even. They’ve got us together like we’re dating.
Kathryn smirked and then put a hand up to her mouth and started to laugh. She shook her head. I wasn’t smiling or laughing. I didn’t know how to react.
Kathryn: Those sites always seem to get everything wrong, sweetie. Don’t worry about it. It will all blow over. What does Abigail have to do with this?
I put my arms down and rested them on my side.
Jordan: Well, like a real idiot, I took my ass over to her house to assure her that they were just photos of friends. Then she poured her heart out and told me that she had been waiting for me to come to her and tell her that I wanted to be with her. She thought that’s why I went over there in the first place. She told me she wanted me to stop making her wait. I’m not really sure what to do about that.
Kathryn approached me and stood at my side and put her hand on my shoulder.
Kathryn: What do you want to do about it?
Jordan: I don’t know. I kinda don’t even want to think about it at the moment. Like… I didn’t expect that. Plus I feel like shit because this dumbass smacked me with a big ass sword earlier. Just really laid it in here.
Kath gave me a confused look. Who wouldn’t be confused by that.
Jordan: The read. Some guy named Phil or Tim or whatever. I can’t remember. A lot of shit has gone down today and it’s only like 3 o’clock. This day needs to slow the hell down.
I laughed and Kath leaned her head against the hand she had on my shoulder. I almost instinctively leaned my head against hers and we both sighed. Then it seemed like we were lingering in this pose so I took a few steps forward and broke the pose.
Jordan: Anyways, I don’t know what I’ll do with this whole Abi thing. Felt like an ultimatum… And I know you said you’d cook but I’m starved right now. How about I order some Chinese and we just watch some Netflix or something?
Kath smirked at me, that knowing smirk AGAIN that always leaves me feeling like a kid trying to lie to their teacher or something, and eventually raised one eyebrow.
Kathryn: So you want to Netflix and chill? The paps are gonna LOVE that!
Jordan: You trying to give those piranhas something to feast on!?
She laughed at me and shook her head.
Kathryn: If I was playing up to the piranhas sweetie, I’d suggest another night on the beach and this time I’d just lay a kiss right on you…
She shot me a wink and turned to walk through to the lounge, leaving me standing there staring as she did so. Had she just said that?! Like, seriously? I was completely caught off guard, but I just tried to push it away and let it go. Maybe this is what Abigail was referring to. Why hadn’t I just moved out by now and gotten my own place? It was mostly the loneliness. That’s what I kept telling myself. This was not a time I wanted to be this lonely. After everything that had gone down last month with Jaina, with Bree and Sienna, with my mom, moving out here on a whim, I didn’t want to be on my own. I wasn’t ready for it yet. Maybe it would have been different if I had been forced to move somewhere like Chicago and start over. But Kath was waiting there like an angel with open arms offering me a shelter from myself. Maybe Abi was onto something. But fuck it. I’m happy. They can think what they want. I’m not ready to leave. I don’t want to…
Everything You Wish You Could Be 