Retribution 2020

March 4, 2020 – Denver, Colorado

I was storming through the hallways of the Pepsi Center after my blow up with Jaina. We’d never even had a fight really. I couldn’t believe it had just happened. In so many ways it was my fault, but I pushed back because I felt like I deserved to do what I wanted to do. But now it was obvious, I couldn’t just ride off in a car with her and continue that argument. Staying with her tonight? I didn’t want that either. I need a minute of fucking space to just figure this out. As I walked into the catering area, now pretty cleared out, I spotted Asher Hayes just sitting there. He could be my ticket to the next town.

Jordan: You’re still here?

Asher started to look up at me, but he stopped and stared directly at my midsection. It was like he had x-ray vision and could literally see my crotch through my jeans.

Asher: Well hellloooo lady…

I smirk and roll my eyes and beckon his eyes up to look higher. This was classic coach. Classic Ace even. They were similar when it came to being players.

Jordan: Up here, old man. Why are you still here?

Asher looked down. It looked like he was looking at his pants and after a moment he finally connected eyes with me and titled his head slightly.

Asher: Why are you still here? And why do you look like you want to grudge fuck an orangutan?

I roll my eyes into the back of my head fiercely and cross my arms. I’m ready to engage this man in a fight right here on this table if needed.

Jordan: I don’t want to talk about that. I’m just looking for a way to get out of here.

Asher: The mysterious type. I knew there was a reason I liked you. But we don’t have to go into said reason, or reasons for that matter. Where are you looking to go?

Jordan: Just… the next town. For the house show. My usual arrangement isn’t going to work tonight.

The words sting me as I look down and away. He surely noticed that, even though I didn’t mean for it to come across so strongly.

Asher: Well luckily for you, I will work with you, and for you, tonight. Or any night. But something tells me it’s not that kind of party. I get the feeling you’re looking for a friend, minus the benefits.

His reaction was what I needed. I laugh and shake my head at his ridiculousness and I put my hand out and count fingers as I speak.

Jordan: Ok for one, I’ve been down that road before and it doesn’t go well for me. And secondly, you know I’m into girls, coach. It’s not even a secret.

Asher: Let me add…not with me, but go on…

Jordan: Tonight I could really use… not a girl. But to ride with. To the next town, not to ride. Fuck, you know what I’m saying?

Asher: You had me at fuck.

I watch as Asher whips something out of his pocket and luckily it’s just car keys. He spins them around his fingers like some sort of badass and stares at me.

Asher: I’ve been your life coach as well as sexual fantasy. But tonight, I will be your friend. Let’s do what Ludacris said and roll out.

Jordan: Sexual fantasy!? What the hell… should I sit in the back seat?

Asher: Look I know there’s stuff you don’t want to talk about. That can be one of them. Your secret is safe with me. Anyways, let’s go homie.

We walked to his car and popped the trunk on a Ford Focus. We threw our bags in the back and then I opened my door. I looked across the top of the car and I realized that I’m about to get in a car with someone I barely know.

Jordan: I’m just now realizing… should I be worried about you? Like, are you a good driver?

Asher: My driving is a lot like my body as well as my hair.

Asher runs his hand through his hair like he’s hot shit. I let out a huffy laugh.

Asher: Flawless.

Asher smirks and winks at me. He’s acting like we’re about to drive away in an expensive sports car and not this piece of shit rental. I roll my eyes and get in the car and pull the seatbelt across myself and secure it in place.

Jordan: Please, I’ve dyed my hair from pink to blond to black and back to blond in like months and this hair still looks better than that!

Asher: Oh, we both know you’re full of shit. But I have to ask. With all that hair dying, does the carpet match the drapes?

I smirk and raise a brow at the question, knowing there is no way in hell that I’m giving that a straight answer.

Jordan: Well, I guess you’ll never know. It can be your own little dream in your head. A fantasy. You know, with all this charm it’s no wonder you’re single.

Asher: I’m only single because there is plenty of Asher to go around. But thank you for the spank bank material. Anyways, what’s on your mind? And don’t say me. I’m trying to be your friend here.

I sigh and shake my head no. I lean my body against the door and look out the window as he starts to drive out of downtown Denver.

Jordan: My fia… my girlfriend and I got in a bit of an argument and I stormed off. She tried to like… keep my phone from me because she didn’t like some texts she saw.

Asher: Have you given your fia…girlfriend reason to look through your shit? I’ve had some crazy exes do that because I checked the time before, so I get how it can be. But have you like asked yourself if you gave her cause to do so?

Asher shoots me a sideways glance, looking away from the road for a moment.

Asher: And for the record, I’d never go through your phone.

Jordan: Why would you even be anywhere near my phone?

I sigh and ignore that statement all together so I can backtrack to the question at hand. I didn’t expect to be having this kind of serious conversation with him.

Jordan: She’s mad because I told her I was going to LA a few weeks back for a business opportunity and the texts made it clear I was there for a vacation to myself. And I was staying with my ex-girlfriend. She sorta had a deal with her ex like this where he just… I don’t know… she just doesn’t like that I lied to her.

Asher: Isn’t Abi your ex? I can see why you’d want to stay the night with her. But I can also see why your lady didn’t like being lied to. Take it from me. Honesty is always the best way, and I can lie with the best of them. I’ve lied so much to get myself out of some bad situations, only to make matters worse.

Asher looks away from and down and shakes his head. He seems to be contemplating something. Then he looks up.

Asher: I’ve become a boring old dude. Fuck, I hate you.

His face is plastered with a grin and it makes me smile before I turn serious and start to answer.

Jordan: Yes, it’s Abi and you are old, dude. I shouldn’t have lied, but I wanted to go there. I sort of felt like she would be neutral and just let me fucking breathe. If that makes any sense at all. It’s not like I was out there fucking her or something. We just hung out. Sure, it probably doesn’t look good to any outsiders that we slept in the same bed. But it was all innocent.

Asher: You slept in the same bed, and you call that innocent? You know what I call that? I call that bullshit! You need to admit it. You wanted something to happen, Jordan. You don’t let a hot piece of ass like Abi sleep next to you without wanting something to happen. Speaking of which, did you guys sleep in the nude?

I get frustrated by his pervy question, even though I realize he’s just trying to lighten the mood so it’s not so serious.

Jordan: I’m just not good at saying no. I had a shirt on. I had clothes on. I wasn’t there for sex. I was there as a friend. Why is it so hard to believe that I didn’t go there for sex? She insisted I sleep in her bed instead of on her couch. She has a small apartment. I just didn’t see the issue in it.

Asher: I coached you. I saw what went down with you and Peyton. You’re like me in a way. You can’t help but fall in love, or feel attracted to just about every woman you meet.

Asher tilts his head from side to side. It’s clear that he’s thinking about what he said and then he clarifies.

Asher: Okay, every woman. But I think you live for the excitement. Like there was a thrill in it for you. Like what would happen if you got caught. You like to chase, and to be chased. You don’t like to be caught and held captive. Doesn’t seem to be who you are. Hell…

Asher looks like he is contemplating a lot right now. I wonder what else is on his mind while also wondering how he got to the idea that I just want to fuck everyone I see.

Asher: Doesn’t seem to be who I am. Anyways, sometimes you just need to embrace life.

I look down and shrug. I know this has somehow crossed into his story, but I’m not done laying my own issues out there. I turn in the seat and look at him.

Jordan: I never wanted that to happen with Peyton. She did that. Jaina doesn’t even know that happened either. She just thinks I slapped her with a dildo during the fight. That forced kiss… I don’t know what she’d think. I don’t want to hurt her. Not even with the stuff related to Abi.

My focus turns out to the road as I look through the front window of the Focus.

Jordan: It’s not really that it’s every woman, but certain ones you are right. Like… certain ones just get me excited. Something inside me builds up and I don’t know what to do. It’s like a hunger. I don’t know how to tell anyone about this shit…

I lean forward and bury my head in my hands. I let out a frustrated sigh, just like I did during that argument with Jaina.

Jordan: I can admit to you since I know you won’t tell anyone this… but out there with Abi… I started feeling shit again. And it made me wonder if I’m making the right decisions with Jaina. Or maybe I’m just making stupid decisions outside of Jaina. Maybe I’m just destined to be reckless.

Asher: So you had a bad parent, huh? Sounds like commitment issues. Or you want to be reckless, because of that hunger. Trust me, that hunger as you put it, is hard to get rid of.

Jordan: Bad parents? Dude, you have no idea…

Asher: So you need that constant reassurance that somebody is there. And your hunger isn’t satisfied because you feel things will fuck up somehow.

Jordan: Listen, I’ve never cheated on Jaina. I’ve never cheated on anyone. But when I was single I was hooking up with random girls and leaving them gift baskets based on performance. Then all at once I tried to commit to one person. And I loved Abi like I never had anyone before.

I shake my head and look at Asher. The thought hits my mind that I haven’t ever let her go. I’m still the same girl that was crying by the lake in New Orleans while I told Abi how I felt well after we were broken up. And now things should be settled because I’m with Jaina. We’re engaged. But, something was still off in my head.

Jordan: I think there’s something still there. I held myself back when I saw her in LA. I think she was tempting me and I held off. But I don’t know what I’m capable of if that temptation lasts forever. I think… I still have like, real feelings for her.

Asher: No shit. I may not be the best at this…

Jordan: As old as you are, coach, that’s all you can say? All that experience and that’s what you can give me? No shit?

Asher: Well if you let me finish. Take that however you wish.

Asher shoots me a grin and I turn and look out the window.

Asher: But, there’s no thinking to it. You have feelings for Abi. You want to smash, or scissor, whatever you lesbians call it…but you want to do it. You may have feelings and love for Jaina, but Abi is in your system. With my experience, I’ve learned sometimes you just need to fuck her out of your system. If that means sleeping with Abi until you get bored, or someone else until the only person you have on your mind is your lady.

Jordan: That… might be terrible advice.

I can’t help but laugh because I think that’s what he was going for. But maybe it isn’t. Maybe he really thinks in his head I should go have a lot of sex and see what happens.

Jordan: I’m not sure if you’re kidding or not. There is no way I can pull off something like that with Jaina. She used to hate that her mom and dad are in open relationships. I go out and sleep with Abi… we’d be done.

Asher: Terrible or not, you’re not helping your situation at all. I get the feeling you want to make both Jaina and Abi happy. Have you considered what would make you happy?

The question hit me so damn hard. I looked down at the floor mats and just sat there in thought without an answer.

Asher: That’s what I thought.

After a moment of quietness, I tried to change the subject so I can stop feeling so damn shitty.

Jordan: So what’s going on with you? Other than dropping that title to me soon…

Asher: What do you mean? And that title will stay wrapped around my gorgeous waist.

Jordan: You didn’t seem all that happy before we left.

Asher: I mean I got pinned by your friend, or a friend of your friend…how far up Sienna’s twat are you?

Jordan: I’m not sure. I’m friends with her sister. But she is hot and cold with me. You know those people who just seem perpetually pissed with you? Even if they aren’t?

Asher: I’d be friends with her sister. She’s hotter anyway. But yeah, I got a whiff of Sienna’s thigh cat, and it nearly killed me before she hit me with that kick. Oh, and yeah. I know what you’re saying.

Jordan: Is that how you always talk about women?

Asher: No. I love all women. I’ve gone on record, stating that I have all their albums. I stand by it.

Jordan: Ok… anyway, we’ve all lost matches. You looked like something had really crawled up your ass and died. What’s going on old man. I told you my shit, let me give you some bad advice, too.

Asher goes quiet for a moment while I wait for him to just answer me. Just say anything.

Asher: Let’s not and say we did, shall we? We can, instead, focus on the fact that you were thinking about my ass.

I roll my eyes and look away from him, back out the window and he cranks the volume on the radio to end our conversation. Moments later we arrived in Boulder where the house show for the next day would be and we both unloaded our bags. I kept waiting for him to jokingly offer me the chance to stay in his room, but I got my own room and went in and laid down. I knew soon I would have to face the music and the aftermath of the fight with Jaina. But as I whipped out my phone and entered my text messages, there was only one person I wanted to talk to. And I hoped she was still awake.

March 5, 2020 – Boulder, Colorado

The house show was simple on Thursday. Easy night of tagging with my brother before we fought again on Breakdown the following week. It had been a bit since Jake and I worked together and it was nice to get back in the ring and get our bearings back. After the show I stood around in the regular locker room and changed. The one where all the normal people hung out. No one even came and looked for me. I assumed that meant Jaina and Bree had spoken or something. By now she’d probably made it crystal clear that I was some kind of piece of shit. I hitched a ride with Jake to a local hotel, content on making the next town a day later. When I walked into my room, I was surprised to see Jaina sitting there on the edge of the bed. I walked in half expecting to see Bree to be sitting around the corner with a knife waiting to take me out or something. The tension… the quiet… it made me at least a little paranoid. Without a word I walked in and dropped my bag and then leaned back against the wall near the bed. She just looked at me.

Jaina: Hey…

It was awkward. I brushed my hand through my hair and stared at her, forcing a smile. I stayed silent.

Jaina: Really? Are you going quiet on me?

She patted the bed next to her and gave me these sort of puppy dog eyes. And looked at the spot and then changed my glance back to her face.

Jordan: No.

I cross my arms and keep my lean against the wall, slightly tilting my head. She responds by standing up and looking down and then gestures with her hand.

Jaina: Ok, look. I think we both owe each other a bit of an apology here. So I’ll start. I’m sorry that I picked up your phone and looked to see what you and Abi were saying to each other when I saw there was a message from her. That shows a lot of lack of trust on my end, and I need to be better about that. But I’m a little scarred by Owen just doing whatever he wanted to do when I asked him not to. He was headstrong about doing what he wanted to do regardless of my feelings. Obviously, I don’t blame you for the messages between you and Abi… I know how she is.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Jaina: So I’m genuinely sorry for reading those texts and then confronting you the way I did. It definitely got us both mad. I should have been levelheaded. Ok?

I look at her and just smirk, walking over to the other side of the room and sitting down in a chair. She turns and follows me, sitting on the couch. I lean forward and put my crossed arms on my knees and just shake my head trying to think of what to say. My silence makes her anxious.

Jaina: Ok…?

Jordan: I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I lied, but I wanted to do it. Maybe that makes me just as bad as Owen in your mind. But after the whole arrest, I wanted to get away for the weekend. I wanted some time to myself to just figure stuff out. Sometimes you and I just can’t escape everyone else and their opinions. So I went to see Abi because she can give me a more neutral opinion.

Jaina looks at me with pure skepticism, her face showing every bit of it when I finished that last statement. She breaks her gaze at me and looks to the other side of the hotel suite and shakes her head.

Jaina: Why didn’t you just say something? We could have gone out there together and been away from everything?

Jordan: I don’t know how to say this without it sounding bad…

Jaina: Just say it.

I sighed hard and looked down, putting my hands on the sides of my head.

Jordan: I wanted to get away from you, too. Not because you did anything wrong. But everything has been going so damn fast. I feel like… I must have been out of my mind to propose to you already.

Jaina: So you didn’t want to propose to me? You don’t want to be engaged?

Jordan: Let me finish… I’m the one that asked, so clearly it was on my mind. You said yes and I was so happy. Then I just… I don’t know. I started to wonder if we did this too damn fast. And yes, I started wondering that while I was sitting in Abi’s apartment in Los Angeles. While I was staying there and relaxing. I think I haven’t really had time to think about what I was doing and who I was doing it with. It’s that I’m questioning us so much as it is that…

I sigh and bury my head into my hands. Asher was so fucking right. I don’t know how to navigate this situation. I’m in so deep. I want everyone to be happy, but I’m not always thinking about myself. Here I am trying to make Bree happy and Jake happy. Jaina and Abigail. Who am I fooling? The one who really isn’t happy is me.

Jaina: Jordan… what’s going on with you?

And there’s that question. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it. I shake my head and look at her. My face flush from the thoughts in my mind burning at my cheeks. The nerve-wracking anticipation of what she might do or say.

Jordan: I just know that things I thought were gone and buried are still floating around deep within me. Abi and I didn’t do anything more than friends would do. We just hung out. But I’d be lying to you if I told you there wasn’t a bit of temptation. If I didn’t have to rush off to the side and shove pills down my mouth to calm myself down as my head was playing out endless scenarios. I’m not perfect, Jaina. I don’t know how to navigate everything I’m dealing with right now. I make these big decisions thinking they will solve things for me, but it just twists up things in my mind even more.

Jaina sits there just staring at me. She doesn’t know what to do other than listen. Her face tells the story though. She’s hurt, but trying to be supportive because she can tell my mind isn’t where it needs to be. It kills me.

Jordan: I don’t regret asking you to marry me. But I do wonder if we rushed this together. If we haven’t stopped to enjoy what we have together and instead jumped into this. We did this knowing not one person will welcome it like we wish they would. Your parents… Bree… they still have concerns about me and they probably should. You’re 18 and engaged to marry someone who just went to jail for punching her own mother. Is this what you want?

I just stare straight at her. She reaches up and grabs at the necklace that she frequently wears with that engagement ring on the end of it. She pulls it out of her shirt and looks down and grasps at it tightly. I’m ready for her to just rip it off and throw it at me, but a determined look comes across her face.

Jaina: I’m not willing to just give up because we’ve had a little problem. We’ve gone all this way and we have one fight and that’s it? Are you even going to fight for this or are you just throwing in the towel over one little issue?

This is the girl that I’ve known was inside her all along. She’s got the fight of her mother and the intensity of her father when she needs it most. Her eyes are practically burning holes in my flesh the way she’s looking at me. Not that she’s mad, but like she could run over an entire group or men and women to get what she wants. I wished I was capable of doing the same when it came to a person, but I only reached levels like this in the ring.

Jordan: No one has said anything about throwing in the towel. I’m just sitting here telling you that I’m fucked up.

Jaina: No you aren’t… you aren’t!

Jordan: Well, I feel like I am.

Jaina: Why!?

Jordan: Because…

Jaina: Because why!?

Jordan: Because when I was with her I thought about wanting more. About kissing her and touching her and that’s wrong.

Jaina looks away from me and swallows hard.

Jordan: I didn’t do it, but just thinking about it makes me feel bad enough about it.

Jaina holds up a hand and stops me. She shakes her head and just lets out a laugh.

Jordan: What?

Jaina: Nothing it’s just… I left a guy who wanted me to give up everything because he wouldn’t give up anything for me. And now I’m engaged to marry someone who is straight up telling me she thought about hooking up with her ex. It’s just unbelievable. I’m only 18 and I feel like I’ve put up with a lifetime of bad stuff already.

Jordan: I’m being honest right now because I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to keep it secret. Maybe… maybe I never got completely over how things ended. Maybe I’m just messed up because I grew up getting bottles thrown at me and every time I let her back in she hurts me again. I’m trying. I am.

Jaina: I know, babe. I know.

Jordan: I know you’ve been through stuff, too, and I’m not trying to make my experiences sound more important than yours. I’m just telling you that these thoughts came into my mind. And I didn’t do anything about them. I shut them down.

Jaina looks at me and nods.

Jaina: Maybe you just shouldn’t see her anymore. Maybe that would help?

Yeah, not good timing to break this out. I make a face and sort of look away.

Jaina: Oh gods, what is it?

I look back and make a cringey face.

Jordan: I’m seeing her this weekend.

Jaina: What!? Why!?

Jordan: I’m actually truly going there to check out an indy show for Josh and see some talent for IFW this time. And I already told her we could meet up for dinner. I declined the invite to stay with her this time. But I need to talk to her about this and tell her that we need to put the past in the past.

Jaina: And you’re serious about that?

Jordan: Yes. Absolutely. I need to face it.

Jaina stands and tosses herself into my lap, sitting sideways and looking into my eyes from inches away.

Jaina: Do you mean it? You’re really going there to set her straight?

I nod and she leans forward and kisses me on the lips.

Jaina: I missed you last night. Even after the fight… I didn’t want us to go to bed angry. Let’s not do that. We’re going to have problems… let’s talk about them. Even if they’re uncomfortable.

I nod again and Jaina stands up.

Jaina: I’m going to take a shower before bed. Want to join?

I look up as she starts to take her top off.

Jordan: I think I’ll probably just crawl into bed.

Jaina makes a sad face, but manages a half smile and then nods.

Jaina: Ok, I understand…

As I watched her walk into the bathroom I let out a deep sigh. I wasn’t even sure if what I was telling her was the truth or not. In the span of just a few weeks, I had begun to spin a web that was quickly spinning out of control.

March 8, 2020 – Los Angeles

I sat at a niceish restaurant on the outside. Waiting. Abi had picked it and she was running late. It was kind of funny to think about. It felt like a date or something. But no, this is just dinner between friends. Friends. That’s the word I have to keep harping on. I’d spent a lot of my free time wondering if that old shithead Asher was right. Had he nailed it when he told me this wasn’t going to go away without some action? No, that was him. That’s not me. I was still coming down from the idea that Jaina was fine with me coming here and seeing Abigail. Of course, she thought I was here to shut this down right now. Despite the fact I’d put part of my heart on the line by telling her something might be there. Instead of stomping on it, she scooped it up and shoved it back in my chest. My thoughts shattered when someone came into view. Pure beauty seated on the other side of me, just staring at me.

Abigail: How was the scouting?

I smiled at her and leaned on my elbows, tilting my head sideways.

Jordan: I admire the way you stick to the idea that I’m here watching talent. Like I didn’t just fly back here to be with you again.

Abigail: Well… since we’re running with the secrets I guess. I just wanted to make sure I stuck to the story. Where are you staying?

Jordan: I don’t know. I haven’t booked anything. Just flew in and came straight here.

Abi grins at me as she plays with the menu.

Abigail: Stay with me…

Jordan: I probably shouldn’t…

Abigail: You probably should…

My heart flutters in my chest and I realize I’m falling right back into the trap I’d told Jaina I was going to avoid. But I knew I would. So why was I here if I knew I was so susceptible to her charm? My truth was complicated. I wanted to be here. I wanted her. I just didn’t know exactly how I wanted her. Or did I. My mind was playing tricks on me and my heart was the victim. I chose not to answer her question and let the cute waitress come and take our orders. The food was good. The drinks were flowing freely. It was all small talk. It was all… perfect.

Abigail: Look at you.

Jordan: What!?

Abigail: You’re drunk. I’ve never seen you drunk.

Jordan: I am not… drunk! You lie, woman.

Abigail: You’re obviously drunk. How many of those vodka drinks did you have?

I counted with my fingers on the table and began to laugh.

Jordan: Two or three?

Abigail: That waitress with the butt you were staring at already took two of three glasses away, babe.

Jordan: Oh, well… I better get out of here and get a hotel. Check please!

I had yelled it out loud to no one nearby and Abigail smirked at me, leaning back in her chair with her legs crossed.

Abigail: I’ll get us a car.

I tried to pay the bill, but Abi took it. We jumped in an Uber that Abi told me was headed to the perfect place to stay. It pulled up to her apartment building and I gave her a sideways look.

Jordan: We’re dropping you off first?

Abigail: Heh, hardly. You’re staying here in case you get sick. You drank too damn much to spend a night alone. Come on.

I rolled my eyes and got out. This was exactly the kind of shit that Jaina didn’t want happening again when she trusted me to come out here. And I was breaking her trust, whether she knew it or not. I followed her in and she led me to her bedroom. I flopped on the bed and the next thing I knew white was beaming through the window and shining on my face. The warmth of the sun felt good, but the light instantly reminded me that I’d spent the last night drinking too much as my head was banging. This headache was shit. I got up and stumbled for a moment and walked into the nearby bathroom and looked into the mirror. What I saw staring back was me, topless, with nothing on but a pair of underwear. My hair was messy like I’d been rolling around in bed. Like sex hair. What the hell had I just done. I rushed out of the bathroom and looked at an empty bed. I found a shirt on the ground, one of Abi’s, and pulled it on and walked into the living room of her apartment. Abi was standing in the kitchen, sleepily drinking a cup of coffee.

Abigail: Good morning…

I cautiously walked over to the kitchen and leaned against the counter.

Jordan: About last night…

Abigail: Yeah, you drank a lot.

Jordan: I know. And I don’t know what I did or what I said. Did we… have sex?

Abigail smiles around her cup as she takes a drink and then shoots me a toothy grin before laughing. I just knew that meant we’d had some kind of hot, drunken sex. Jaina was going to be so pissed off at me. There was no way I could ever let her know this happened.

Abigail: Why do you think we had sex?

Jordan: I woke up almost naked. No shirt. Can’t find my clothes. You’re standing here wearing a robe.

Abigail: I don’t know why you woke up without clothes on. We came here last night and you passed out. You said you wanted to talk about something at dinner. We didn’t really talk about anything. You took up the whole bed. I slept over there.

Abi motions toward the couch in her living room and I look over to see a pillow and a blanket. Somehow, staying with her this time had gone so different than the first time. But it was because of me. Abi walks out of the kitchen and over to me and leans against the counter. She sits a cup of coffee in front of me, too, and I take a sip. Two sugars and two creamers. Just like when we were on the road together.

Abigail: So, what did you want to talk about last night before you got drunk and talked about kissing Peyton on a boat?

My face flushed red and Abi smirked. She reached up and brushed a strand of blond hair behind my ear. I could feel the electricity of her touch on my skin. It sent a good shiver through my spine.

Abigail: Stop being cute and talk to me.

Jordan: Jaina and I spoke. She thinks I’m out here telling you how things are going to be.

Abigail: And how’s that?

Jordan: You know… me telling you off. Telling you to stop contacting me and to let Jaina and I do whatever it is we’re going to do.

Abigail shoots me a strange look and wraps her hands around her coffee cup.

Abigail: And this is what you want to do? You came out here to tell me to leave you alone?

Abi looks me up and down, wearing her shit and my panties, and tilts her head to the side.

Abigail: You’re doing a pretty bang-up job of that. Let me tell you.

Jordan: She wants me to commit to her.

Abigail: But yet, I tell you to come to me and here you are. And once again you have lied to her. Knowingly and willingly. I want you here. Don’t you want to be here?

Jordan: Well, yes —

Abigail: So…

I sigh and look down at the counter in front of me.

Jordan: But what are we doing here?

Abigail: Well, this is my apartment. I live here. Why are you here?

Jordan: I want to be here.

Abigail: And there it is.

Abi leans in closer to me and almost whispers between us.

Abigail: You want to be here because you still want to be with me.

Abi grasps my butt with her right hand and squeezes before walking past me and sitting down on the couch. She let her robe hang open around her and I could see she was basically wearing lingerie. My heart rate sped up as I stared at her. She was smirking as only she can looking back at me.

Abigail: Tell me I’m wrong?

I hang my head as I turn around all the way to face her.

Jordan: You’re not wrong. I’m struggling here. I’m caught up in the middle of how I still feel about you and how I feel about her. I don’t want anyone to get hurt by what I do. I know that’s naive to say. But I’m just feeling a little stuck.

Abi let off a soft laugh and leaned back into the couch.

Jordan: What?

Abigail: It’s just so interesting. The way this happens to you.

Jordan: Huh?

Abigail: Stuck between me and Jaina. Stuck between me and Bree. Between Jake and Bree. To me it seems like you’re almost incapable of making a choice. I’ve been watching you since the day you walked into this company. When you chose me I thought I had you pegged wrong the whole time. But from the moment you walked out on me, which I know is partly my fault, you’ve struggled to make any real decision on your own. Any important decision. And the closer you get to choosing, the tougher it gets for you.

I walk over near her and slump down into a recliner in her living room and lean forward, looking at the floor.

Abigail: If only you would just commit to things without abandon. If only you made decisions like you did when you decided to clock your mom.

Jordan: Abi, please…

Abigail: I know that’s not what you want to hear. But it’s an example. You knew the conflict that could come if you did that. It was reactionary and you did it anyway. You have to start thinking about you a hell of a lot more. You’ve got probably your biggest opportunity next weekend. This has to be about what’s best for you.

Jordan: I know… I know!

Abigail: Do you? Because soon enough there will come a time when you probably have to start thinking only for you. Are you going to do what’s best for someone else? Or what’s best for you?

Abigail stood up and walked over to me, bending down and lifting my chin to look up at her.

Abigail: The truth is, none of us really know what’s best for you. Do I wish you weren’t engaged right now and you could just walk in here and I could ravage you? Of course. I hate the idea that if something happened between us you might feel guilty because of how someone else feels. But I won’t make you choose between me and her. I want you to make that decision on your own. I know you have feelings for me. I know they never went away. Make your choice, when you’re ready. But don’t make us all wait forever.

Abi plants a kiss on my forehead and walks out of the room, leaving me sitting here on the couch. I lean forward and cross my arms as I contemplate her words. Everyone was telling me different things right now. That web of issues I was spinning was still growing. I needed to start grabbing my life by the balls and steering it in the direction that was best for me. But it’s hard. I’m the kind of person that always wants to make other people happy. A real people pleaser. I’d tried not to be and it felt like I wasn’t being authentic. But I have to be true to myself. I stood up suddenly and knew exactly how I was going to do it.

March 10, 2020 – Kenner, Louisiana

I sat in a rundown office and waited. I looked at the picture of a family displayed on the desk as a clock ticked loudly in the background. The door behind me opened and one of the stars of those photos walked in with a folder in his hand. The large, balding man sat down and opened the folder. My landlord was looking over my lease agreement.

Landlord: Sorry that took a minute to find. We just have a lot of properties in the area.

Jordan: That’s fine. How much is this going to take?

Landlord: Well, Kylie, it looks you have another eight months left on this so I’m going to need eight months of rent, plus our early cancellation fee. We can probably waive that last bit based on how much this is. But I’m not going to be able to give you your deposit back based on the original agreement.

Jordan: I understand all of that. That’s all fine. I uhh… should mention there is a dweller there.

Landlord: Are you subleasing it? That’s against our lease agreement.

Jordan: No. Someone sort of moved in with me temporarily and they don’t want to leave as far as I know.

Landlord: Well, we’ll heal with the authorities if needed. Will you be able to have everything out by the end of this week if we can get this occupant out?

Jordan: If you can get the occupant out, I’d like to hire a company to come in and clean it for you. I have a feeling she might have done some damage and I’ll pay for any and all repairs.

The landlord stares at me skeptically and closes the folder, leaning forward with folded hands sitting on his desk.

Landlord: Ms. Majors, this is all highly unusual. Is there something I need to know about the apartment?

Jordan: No, no. I just don’t want to leave you in a bad situation having to repair this place. I see your family here and I can tell, you and your daughters probably can’t afford to be in a position where their dad is putting in a lot of hours getting one of his apartments repaired so it’s livable again. Consider this just some good will on my part.

Landlord: Well, wow. I’m not really sure what to say?

I reach into my bag and pull out a checkbook and stare across the table at the landlord as I click the pen.

Jordan: Just tell me how much this is going to take?

Some mistakes are just worth doing away with. I know this is going to piss off my mom and put her out on the streets. I know this has the potential to cause even more problems for me. But it’s time for Jordan Majors to start thinking about herself. And I’m done doing things for other people only to have it shoved back in my face. Time to end this chapter and start writing a new one.

Promo

A video opens with the skyline of Memphis shining its lights on the Mississippi River at night. Jordan Majors turns the camera around and points it at herself before turning and putting the skyline behind her. She’s wearing a sports bra and looks flushed like she’s been running. She smiles as sweat glistens off of her face.

I had to run a little bit. Clear my head. Nothing is weighing on me. I’m just excited and focused. Tomorrow night, I step into the ring with two of the best in this company and I have the chance to walk out as a champion. I’ve never been a champion. Ever. I’ve worked my entire life to become a professional wrestler. I’m not a world class athlete. I’m not the strongest by far, not even the strongest woman. But over the last couple months, I shifted myself into a completely different gear. Things have slowed down for me in the ring. It’s all clicking in my head in a way I never believed possible. Still, there are detractors. There are people who think I’m making just as many mistakes as ever before.

Jordan wipes at her forehead and then shakes her head.

Take Kandis, for example. This past week she flat out told the world what she thinks of me. Cute ass, great fighter, but gullible. She thinks I’ve let my brother take advantage of me. Others, they think I’ve let my friends take advantage of me. They see this as my great weakness. I’m sure they see it as my eventual undoing in this business. Well I say screw all of that. I don’t give a damn what anyone out there thinks about me. What I’ve come to realize is this has to be about me and only me. It doesn’t matter what Jake wants or what Bree and Sienna think. None of their opinions about me make a difference if I can’t back up what I say I’m going to do in that ring.

Jordan points the camera over her shoulder at the skyline and then back at herself.

You see that place back there? This isn’t my town. I’m not from here. But at the end of the night tomorrow at Retribution I will set this city ablaze with my performance. While Asher is trying to hold that title close and keep it another month and while Marie is trying to bolster her resume and climb closer to the Hall of Fame, I will be showing everyone at that event, and everyone watching around the world, that my time is right now. I don’t care that they have legacies they’re trying to hold on to. I only care about the legacy that I’m building right now. It’s my legacy. Not as the younger sister of Jake Starr, or the mentee of the great Bree Lancaster, and not even as quasi-friend of Sienna Swann. This is about me.

Jordan sighs and sits down on a nearby wall along the path near the river and looks into her phone.

I’ve come to know Asher Hayes much better in the last few months. Fellow Chicagoan, the assistant coach of my team for the Buy-In competition and the current Adrenaline Champion. Personally, we probably have some things in common. But when it comes to that ring, I know I’m ready to face a competitor of his level. I’ve proven it since this year started. The thing about Asher is he is extremely talented. He should probably be favored by everyone to hold on to that title. But I can see it in his eyes. When he looks at me, he knows I’m the one. His hiccup against Gavin Taylor? That was proven to be one bad night. He knows losing that belt to me won’t go that way again. Asher knows if that belt falls into my hands he won’t get it back. I see the determination in him to keep his grasp on it. But I see the fear coming through even stronger. The fear that he helped create his own undoing as champion. He knows exactly what I’m capable of. And he doesn’t know how to stop it.

Jordan nods at her own words and shrugs.

I would have loved the opportunity to fight coach one-on-one for this title, but it wasn’t in the cards. He did teach me a lot, as did Ace. I think they helped me turn a page in my career. Asher knows that’s why he has to fear me in this match. I mean nothing personal in taking away his glory. I’m just only in this match for one reason, and that’s to create my own. I know after he gets over the feeling of defeat from this, he’ll be proud to know he played a hand in this. He saw this coming before anyone.

Jordan tilts her head and raises her eyebrows as she smiles.

Marie, you’re just two away right? The Adrenaline Championship and the World Championship. You get those and you are Supreme. You earned your way into this match just like I did and you won’t hear any complaints from me about this being a three way. I have a lot of admiration for you and your sister. Your whole family really. There are times I sit and wonder what it would be like to grow up in a family like yours with so many wrestling resources and that wealth of knowledge. But then again, I don’t know if I would be here today if I had. I believe I am here today because I had to scratch and claw for all of it. No one in this company knew who my brother was when they offered me a contract. My mom never wanted me to amount to anything. I am a self-made fighter. You wonder why I’m so damn hard to put away in a ring, that’s it right there. Because my history here isn’t full of trophies and a shelf of awards. No, that’s just come recently. I had to sweat and bleed and recover from broken limbs while getting pummeled in and out of that ring. You think my life was just magically made better because I inherited money? If anything it became more complicated.

Jordan looks down, off camera and then turns to look toward the city.

I’m not a Jones though. I’m different. And in this case, that difference makes me stronger. For everything that you’ve accomplished, you are a legend in my eyes. But I won’t be phased by sharing the ring with someone I grew up watching and admiring. A Phoenix often dies and is reborn from its own ashes. You’ve done this time and time again in your career. But this time you’re up against someone who attacks like a snake. Given the opportunity to become the Adrenaline Champion and finally realize my own dreams, I have no problems being the Basilisk that puts your flame out once again. You can keep rising, Marie, but as long as it’s over this title I will be standing in your way. I know how much being a Supreme Champion means to you. But this is my turn to win something. This is my time.

Jordan stands up and heads toward the bank of the river with the camera on her face.

I know I’m ready for this moment and all that comes with being a champion. I know when I win this title I’m going to turn from hunter into hunted. I don’t have a target on my back right now, and that’s about to change. But I don’t fear that. I embrace it. I desire it. There has been a hunger inside me since I entered the End of the Year Invitational and I’ve been feeding into that hunger over and over and look where it has gotten me. This is the biggest opportunity of my career and there is no way in hell I’m letting this slip away. That title is right there within my grasp. Now all I have to do is take it. I’m not leaving Memphis without.

Jordan smiles wide and then slowly gets a serious look as she looks directly into the camera.

I’ve been knocked around and knocked clean out in this company. I’ve been dragged by my hair and had my knee ripped up. I’ve bled for my past sins and shed tears over the mistakes that cost me dearly. My first year in this company was full of trying times with just a few positives along the way. But those moments made me stronger. They told me at the end of 2019 that I was destined to do great things in the future. Well fuck it, I say the future is right now. I say 2020 is my year. I say Sunday, March 15 is the day Jordan Majors officially makes her mark in SCW lore and becomes a champion. This is my time. This is my moment. You can take that to the bank, ladies and gentleman. Because Jordan Majors is money. And Sunday night? She becomes the Adrenaline Champion, too.

Jordan nods to herself and then winks before turning the camera back to the skyline and ending the recording.