January 6, 2021 – Detroit
I hate losing. It doesn’t matter if it’s for the SCW World Championship, or to solidify a spot in the Tag League finals, or even just a regular weekly match. It all matters to me. Once again, I had pressed my shoulder off the mat a moment too late. But this time it didn’t just cost me. It cost Cookie, too. I hated myself for being the kind of person that shook Regan’s and Selena’s hands after the match. Part of me felt like we wouldn’t get the same in return. But this was always our story. At least always my story. Fight my ass off, lose, and shake their hand. I’m the same person that handed the Adrenaline title to Peyton after losing it and celebrated her win like a goddamned idiot. Maybe it’s just the post match adrenaline that was spiking within me, but I felt pissed. At myself, at the situation, just… pissed. When we walked into the locker room I saw the trash can near the door and I picked it up above my head with both hands and chucked it across the room as hard as I could. The trash can smacked into the wall and littered the room with random items. I turned to sit down but saw Cookie holding a trash can about 1/8th the size of the one I just threw. She tossed the thing like a basketball across the room and it hit the wall and fell to the ground in two dull thuds.
Jordan: What was that?
Cookie: Why did you throw the trash can?
Jordan: Because I’m pissed!
Cookie: Well, then I’m pissed, too!
I couldn’t help but laugh as I plopped down on the wooden bench and buried my head in my hands to drown out the scream of frustration. Cookie sat down next to me and put an arm around me. Neither of us said anything. It sucked to come this far and feel like we’d left something on the table. I knew we were both feeling it.
Cookie: Is this what we do now?
Jordan: What’s that?
Cookie: Sit in here and feel sorry for ourselves and throw things? It’s not my favorite thing we do, but if it makes you feel better…
I let out a sigh and dropped my hands to my lap.
Jordan: I’m sorry.
Cookie: Sorry for what?
Jordan: I let us down. We had that match circled forever and I lost it for us.
Cookie: No you didn’t.
Jordan: Did you just miss the end of the match? We lost. Now we have to fight in a semi-final match against them or Dark Fantasy!
Cookie: Yeah, I caught that. But WE lost. Not you. Last time I checked, this was a team. We do the whole pinkies thing and all that, yeah?
I laughed softly and rolled my eyes.
Jordan: Yeah, I just can’t help but feel like I take a big responsibility here. I messed up the sequence at the end. Couldn’t kick out. Just like with Bree. I was a moment too late.
Cookie looked at me and shrugged. Then she smiled to herself.
Cookie: We’re going to be ok, you know? We’ve both been through a lot this past year. Especially these last few months. But look at all we’ve done. Look at what we’ve done together. This is just… a bump in the road.
Jordan: Ugh, I hate when people say that…
Cookie: What’s wrong with that?
Jordan: It feels more like a pothole.
Cookie: That’s a bump… isn’t it?
Cookie brought a few fingers to her chin and she looked up like she was deep in thought. I shook my head and let out a sigh. I stood up and grabbed a towel from my locker.
Jordan: I’m going to grab a shower and then we can get out of here. I don’t care to see the end of the show.
Cookie: Do you need me to wash your back?
Jordan: Huh?
Cookie: Uhh, nevermind.
I shrugged it off and walked into the showers. I stood in there for longer than usual. Just leaning the crown of my head and my palms against the wall as the water fell on my head. The truth was the losses were weighing on me more than I liked. Along with that, there was new stress from the show. I was having these personal problems with Kath and Jaina that I’d only managed to escape because of Sierra. I looked down and watched as the water circled the drain. It felt a bit like a reflection of my own life. The positive was a year ago I would have answered this with a handful of pills and a bottle of wine. Now, I was just letting grief take its natural course without trying to interfere. I staggered out of the showers in time to see Cookie heading in. The show was over. I’d been in there longer than I thought. I got dressed and walked outside right as my phone went off. I followed the directions from the text and walked into a side room in the arena to spot my other favorite blonde.
Sierra: You just don’t like to make anything easy, do you?
I forced a smile as Sierra grabbed me and leaned forward to kiss me. Between Cookie’s reassurance and Sierra’s lips, there was at least some redeeming factor to this night.
Jordan: I tried, boo. She just got me.
Sierra: Well, you better make sure that doesn’t happen next time, huh?
Jordan: Easy! Are you my manager or my girlfrie…
I cut myself off from saying it. The truth was, we didn’t have a label. We’d been seeing each other for a few weeks, but we weren’t at the label stage yet. Sierra shot me an unsure smile and looked away. I scratched at my forearm and did almost the same.
Jordan: Sorry, just me dreaming.
Sierra: It’s ok. I guess if we keep doing this we’ll have to figure that out.
Jordan: Along with so many other things?
Sierra: Oh… so, so many other things.
We both laughed at the idea of us telling people that we were a thing. The people who would have the strongest reactions didn’t know a thing.
Sierra: So where in LA are you going to wine and dine me this week?
Jordan: Actually I was thinking of this wonderful restaurant with a very limited menu.
Sierra: Sounds intriguing! Do tell more?
Jordan: It’s called Casa De Major Dreams.
Sierra: Oh…
Jordan: Come on. Come to my house and have a taste of Jordan.
Sierra: Uh, what!?
Jordan: That came out wrong! I meant to say let me cook for you!
Sierra: Oh… because…
Sierra sounded a little relieved. I knew there was nervousness about this. Trepidation even. Kissing me was one thing, but she hadn’t been with a girl before me. So going beyond was both exciting and terrifying for her. I was understanding. I had zero expectations at this point of us seeing each other. For once, slow was nice!
Jordan: Yeah, I know how it sounded!
Sierra: I didn’t know you cook?
Jordan: I, uhh, I try?
I laughed at myself and ran my hand through my damp hair.
Jordan: I make a really mean mac n’ cheese and hot dogs.
Sierra: That sounds really disgusting.
Jordan: Try it! For me?
She was apprehensive as she looked at me. I was offering a world class girl a simple, midwestern, below middle class meal. I didn’t expect anything else.
Jordan: I’ll even light a few candles and get dessert. I’ll dress it up. Break open the most expensive bottle of Welch’s I can find.
Sierra: Grape juice!?
She chuckled at me but also gave me a look. She knew I was purposely being a little silly for her.
Sierra: You’re adorable babe…
She reached forward and touched a hand to my cheek and slowly brought it down.
Sierra: Don’t you dare make me regret this… but I’m going to say yes.
Jordan: Yes!
I pumped a fist down by my side and Sierra rolled her eyes and pushed my hands down to my side. She pulled herself closer and placed a kiss on my lips and let her lips linger against mine a bit longer than usual. I could feel her breath against mine as she thought about her next move. I bit my lip imagining what she might do next. But that was it. That was as hot as this encounter was meant to be. She told me she needed to get back and I opened the door to see Cookie standing there. I jumped and Sierra let out a yelp.
Cookie: Kylie! Sierra…
Jordan: Easy, E. She’s a good one.
Sierra: Kylie? Is that your name?
Jordan: Uh… yeah. Anyways. So, I’ll text you and we’ll figure out a day? I need to see my schedule on set.
Sierra: Yeah. Sounds perfect. Just, no more blow ups on set, ok?
Jordan: Yeah, yeah.
Sierra: See you soon… Kylie.
Sierra smiled and pushed her lips out towards me as she walked away.
Cookie: Only I call her Kylie. Only me!
I grabbed Cookie and laughed, smiling at her.
Jordan: Calm down, Ethel. Damn! She’s just trying to be enticing.
Cookie: Well, as much as you and her have been eating out around LA she must not need to be THAT enticing. She calls and you come running.
Jordan: Oh, come on! I do not! I’ve been busy with these stupid reshoots. But that reminds me. I did just invite her to our house…
Cookie: What!? You invited her to Casa de Major Dreams without even asking me first?
Jordan: Well, I’m asking you right now, boo. Can my friend please come over and eat shitty food with me at our house? Puh-lease best roomie ever?
Cookie let out a huffy laugh and shook her head.
Cookie: Fine! But if you start turning into a Beauty Factory weeb as a result of this, I’m holding Sierra personally responsible and I will kick her ass!
Jordan: Cookie, she’s a trained wrestler. She’s a fighter. I think she could hold her own.
Cookie: But has she been a TV Champion before?
Jordan: Well, no, but…
Cookie: Has she won any year end awards?
Cookie turned to her side and pulled a pair of awards out of her bag and held them in her arms. I stared at her and tilted my head a bit to the side.
Jordan: Are you for real?
Cookie: Has she?
Jordan: I have three of those. And a title, too!
Cookie: Yeah, and? We were talking about Sierra!
I laughed and grabbed one of the awards from Cookie and shoved it back in her bag. She placed the other one in her bag and looked at me.
Cookie: I’m just saying. If she hurts you, I will wax that ass!
Jordan: I… don’t think that means what you think it means…
Cookie: I said what I said! I will Brazilian that shit!
Jordan: Why are you so worried about me?
Cookie: Because, Kylie. You are my best friend in the whole wide world. I don’t want to see anything else happen to you. And I want to win this tag league with you by my side. I want us to be the tag champions.
Jordan: We aren’t done yet. We still have a chance.
Cookie: Yeah? That’s the first time I’ve heard you act like it all night.
I let out a sigh and nodded.
Jordan: I let my emotions get the best of me. I’m sorry.
Cookie: Don’t let yourself lose focus on this, babe. We’re going to do this. I don’t care how bitchy those two want to be. We’re going to finish this! And then we’re going to be the tag team champions.
I nodded again and hung my head to let out a sigh. Cookie nudged me with her hand and then held out her pinky. I grinned and wrapped my pinky around hers and shook it. We left Detroit with our first loss as a team. But our resolve wasn’t broken. Our spirit still prevailed. I hated the way things were getting to me, but Cookie was the glue that was holding me together and keeping my eye on the prize. She was my better half, in the way only your truly best friend can be. I fell and she picked me up. And that’s why I knew we were going to win this tag league when all was said and done.
January 10, 2021 – Los Angeles
The reshoots were going smooth. It took some stress off of me that the whole brief nudity scene hadn’t happened yet. There also wasn’t a booking in sight that I knew of so I was traveling to shows for the sake of making an appearance for the foreseeable future. So my little cooking date with Sierra came quicker than I expected. I actually made Vihaan take me to the store and I picked out ingredients like I was some kind of gourmet chef or something. I actually made the effort to look up a recipe and make a version of macaroni and cheese that was special. I bought more expensive hot dogs, too. In the end, the mac was great. The hot dogs still tasted like hot dogs. Sierra was nowhere near as repulsed as I thought she might be. And Cookie didn’t try to kill her with any traps when she walked in. It helped that I made enough to share with her. After we ate, I grabbed a blanket and took Sierra to our back porch and sat down on the swing. There was a distinct chill in the air. Sierra made me nervous as it was, but I was feeling even more vulnerable in the cold. I pulled the blanket up over us and we cuddled in close as we looked at the lights from the city in the distance. It was perfect in so many ways. But after some conversation, I saw Sierra with a look on her face. The kind someone has when they are deep in thought.
Jordan: What is it?
Sierra: Nothing…
Jordan: You can say whatever you’re thinking. Don’t have to hide it with me.
Sierra: Well, I was thinking about that promo you put up online before End of the Year. Before the match against Bree?
Jordan: Oh…
Sierra: You said… you still loved Jaina. And I’m really enjoying this. Whatever this is we have. But I need to know if this is just you on the rebound from Jaina or if this is something else?
I sighed again and looked off in the distance.
Jordan: That’s not the first time I’ve been asked that…
Sierra: And that… didn’t turn out well.
Jordan: No. It didn’t.
Sierra: It’s not that I’m trying to define things right now. It’s just that I don’t want to go down a wrong road. I want us to be on the same page at least.
Jordan: Yeah, I get that.
I didn’t know what else to say. It was quiet when I turned to look at Sierra. She was staring. Waiting. I’d not seen her quite this serious before.
Jordan: That promo, the whole message. It was very personal.
Sierra: I could tell.
Jordan: I probably shouldn’t have done it.
Sierra: Then why did you?
I swallowed and let out a sigh.
Jordan: I thought Bree was going to say it first. I was wrong. She protected it all. She was honorable as far as that is concerned. I think it made me look a little bit like a grade A bitch. Just exposing people that way. Because now, Jaina is probably going to wear that Scarlet Letter as someone who helped a cheater. I just… never thought about the ramifications of all of that before I said it.
Sierra: You don’t do that very often, do you?
Sierra’s words hit me hard. I felt it in the depths of my soul. That or it was indigestion from our less than healthy dinner together. I bit my lip and shrugged. Every word of what she said was true.
Sierra: You’re dancing around what I asked in the first place though. Are you still in love with Jaina?
I smirked and looked down.
Jordan: Are any of us ever really out of love with someone? I know that’s a total cop out answer, but I was engaged to marry her so clearly I loved her very much. When Jaina and I started seeing each other on the side, I thought that was going to lead to her and I getting back together. But I understand now that we’ll never want the same things. So I’ve tucked that away and I’m moving on. I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect at that, but I am trying.
Sierra: I… guess that makes sense…
Jordan: Boo, I grew up in a totally shitty situation. Everything seems to be complicated as a result. My mom was completely insane. Mentally and physically abusive. Just terrible. She was never with the same man for very long. I never had someone to call dad. It was just me and her. I’m not trying to pass off blame, but every psychiatrist I’ve ever seen goes down that same path linking every stupid thing I do to the way I was raised. I’ve tried really hard to be better than that. But sometimes I feel like… I can’t overcome it. I get close, but…
I shrugged and let out another sigh as I turned to look at her. Sierra brought her legs up on the swing and faced me.
Sierra: I don’t care about what you think you’ve done right or wrong in the past. I care about what’s happening now. Between us. If this keeps going, I just want to make sure we’re both in the same mindset. It’s only been a few weeks, I know, but I could… see it going somewhere.
Jordan: I could, too.
Sierra: But that whole thing has been bothering me a little bit. You’re the first girl I’ve really been with and I don’t want to go down this path only to get torched by you in the end. So if you’re still in love with her, maybe that just means things go slower. I just don’t want this to get too far and then we hurt each other over another person. Your last girlfriend might have handled that well, but… I’d probably have to kill you.
Sierra smiled and laughed. I grinned back and let out somewhat of a giggle. I knew at least part of that was true. And if she didn’t kill me, someone else would.
Jordan: I think the pace we’re moving at is… just fine. For once, I’m not in a hurry.
Sierra: Maybe that’s a good thing for you…
Sierra grinned and made me laugh. Once again, it hurt but it was true.
Jordan: I do have to say though, that whole promo was difficult for me. I mean, yes that stuff with Jaina was hard. But it goes beyond her.
Sierra: Shit, you’re still in love with other people, too?
I snorted and shook my head. Sierra was shooting me a certain type of look that was beyond confused.
Jordan: I still love all of the old crew. I miss them. I miss Bree. Yes… I still miss your sister… and honestly, I loved them both. I owe them a lot. They raised me like I was their sister or something. Especially Bree. So, it’s hard for me to hate them like I think I’m supposed to.
Sierra: And here you are, on a date with your supposed arch-nemesis’ sister. What would the world think!? Jordan is back with the Beauty Factory!?
I sort of half smiled and reached up to push a few strands of hair behind my right ear.
Jordan: I’m just trying to live. I just want to be happy.
Sierra: You seem pretty happy.
Jordan: I’m happy here with you.
Sierra smiled and leaned closer to me, looking at my lips. I looked at hers as I moved in and then looked up into her eyes. I saw my own reflection in her eyes before we both closed our eyes and our lips met between us. We stayed like that for a few minutes, the only sound I could hear coming from our lips as the kiss deepened. I felt her hand on my cheek and I opened my eyes and smiled. She was biting her lip in a way that made me just want to grab her hand and drag her to my bedroom. But I resisted. Sierra rested her head on my shoulder as we both turned our attention to the distant lights. I looked up at the stars and couldn’t help but think about Jaina. It was a major part of our relationship.
Sierra: What are you thinking about?
Jordan: Heh…
This girl. She missed nothing. I couldn’t very well answer Jaina after reassuring and then kissing her, could I? I cracked a smile as she lifted her head and looked at me.
Jordan: I’ve always weirdly looked to the stars and thought about hope. It’s kind of silly. And obsessive. Like, I bought Jaina a necklace with a star theme to hide her engagement ring when we were being sneaky about the whole thing.
Sierra: So you’re thinking of Jaina then?
Jordan: Not like you’re thinking though. When I was at my lowest as a teenager, this… counselor told me that lots of people are in the gutter, but some people are looking at the stars. It’s a quote she totally stole, but it kind of stuck with me in a way. Like the whole… things can only get better type of thing. Keep looking up and all that. So for a long time, I’ve stared at the stars and just dreamed. I thought my dream was for Jaina and I to be married, but now… I have different dreams. She’s not really in those dreams at all. The stars are great though. They don’t judge me. They don’t say anything. They just let me… dream…
I continued looking up, Sierra looking up with me. She cuddled up against me and turned her attention to me.
Sierra: You’re a funny girl, Jordan. But I like you.
I grinned and looked at her, only to be met with a kiss. Sierra stayed for a little while longer before making her way home. It was about as normal as a relationship between two 20-something girls could be. But it was the realest conversation we’d had so far. She made me open up and admit things about myself. As soon as she left, I knocked on Cookie’s door and jumped on to her bed to watch a movie with her. Maybe I missed some old friends, but I didn’t want to trade it for this. Their fast-paced lifestyle was perfect for them. Watching movies with my best friend on a Sunday night was perfect for me. For at least a moment, there wasn’t a chance in hell I could screw anything up.
January 13, 2021 – Tacoma
Breakdown brought a week without Cookie and I booked in a match. In fact, we weren’t even meant to be on the show. Cookie wanted us to make the best of it by just hanging out in catering, apparently. That was fine with me, because I felt like I needed a break. As much as I wanted to just jump back in the ring after two really hard losses, I needed a moment to just breathe. I just didn’t know that I wouldn’t get that, either. I spent much of the night watching Cookie sample all of the spread available in the Tacoma Dome. At one point she disappeared and came back with items that weren’t even there to begin with. I assumed she probably snuck into a suite and stole some food. Whatever, I figured. More treats for us. But midway through the night, I heard the distant sound of the collision of metal. It sounded like a car crash, and it was. A few minutes later I peered up at the TV and saw people running backstage. My eyes narrowed as I saw the remnants of Sienna’s car, slightly mangled against Selena’s trailer. I jumped up and took off, leaving Cookie behind me. The walk around the building was long, but before I even got to the scene, I saw Jaina in the hallway looking distraught. Despite the things we’d been through recently, I stopped and grabbed her.
Jordan: Jay? What’s wrong?
Jaina: It’s my fault… it’s… it’s my fault…
Jordan: What’s your fault?
Jaina shook her head and looked down.
Jaina: The car crash. I… Sienna asked me to talk to Kelcey and…
Jordan: Kelcey?
Jaina: Kelcey and Sienna were in that car together…
Jordan: What!?
Jaina: It was my fault.
Jordan: No… no, Jay. These two have had it out for each other for a really, really long time. It has nothing to do with you. That wasn’t your fault. It’s just…
I heard the sound of a siren start up and I looked over and saw Bree coming toward us. There were cameras everywhere. This hallway had quickly become part of the scene itself without me realizing it. An ambulance drove off in the distance. As Bree neared us, I stepped back. There was a glare between us that told the entire story right now. We were nowhere close to being on the same page. She blamed me for… everything lately. She’d made leaps to conclusions that I didn’t understand, and she couldn’t possibly understand with the way she’d described them. I didn’t hate her, but I was almost sure she hated me.
Bree: Excuse me…
Bree walked past me almost like she wanted to give me that tough shoulder bump to move me. She leaned forward to speak into Jaina’s ear. Neither one said a thing to me as they just took off and left me there. Without hesitation, I headed back to the locker room to get my stuff. I sent Cookie a text and told her I’d meet her back at the hotel and I left the arena in an Uber. I spent that ride on my phone, so that when I arrived at the hospital I knew the respondent would be meeting me outside. I stood in the parking lot amidst the cars and waited for that familiar blonde to come out and see me. Sierra walked up and pulled her coat tightly against her. Her sigh left a trail of steam in the air. I pulled my hood up and managed a half smile. She reacted by crossing her arms.
Jordan: She ok?
Sierra: She has a concussion. So, no timetable for a return right now. They’re worried enough that they told her she needs to take some time to recover.
Jordan: Fuck… I’m glad it wasn’t worse than that.
Sierra: You don’t have to pretend to care just because of me.
Jordan: Sie, it’s not like that at all.
Sierra: I know you think she’s terrible, so just don’t.
Jordan: Sierra, I just…
I let out a sigh of my own and looked down.
Jordan: Just because I had a disagreement with someone once doesn’t mean I’m going to hate them forever. Or want to see bad things happen to them. I just don’t work that way. You know this.
Sierra: I’m sorry, this whole thing has just been crazy.
Jordan: Yeah, I know. I really didn’t see this coming.
Sierra: It’s not just that…
I looked up to see her face. Whatever else was weighing on her was doing so hard. Something was off.
Jordan: What is it then?
Sierra: It’s us.
Jordan: Us, how?
Sierra: I like you, Jordan. I know I do. I’m enjoying this thing between us. But there are so many complications. We’ve been hiding it. How long do we honestly think we can do that? You’re out here looking like a serial killer with the hood pulled up. Just missing sunglasses, honestly. What are we supposed to do if Sienna finds out? Or anyone else that would use it against us?
Jordan: I don’t know. I figured we’d cross that bridge when we reached it.
Sierra: That feels like the most dangerous approach possible.
Jordan: This isn’t something we need to decide right now. Your sister is in there and she needs you right now. I don’t want to add stress.
Sierra: She’s talking to Bree and Jaina right now. That’s why I came out here. Just told Xiomara I needed some air.
Jordan: Oh… they’re here…
Sierra: Yeah, and about that. What’s the deal with you and Jaina backstage?
Jordan: Sierra… come on…
I let out a sigh and rolled my eyes.
Sierra: No, we just talked about this. Something happens and immediately you’re backstage checking on Jaina?
Jordan: It wasn’t like that at all.
Sierra: Then what was it? I saw the clip on TV and it looked like you were trying to cozy up to her or something.
Jordan: That’s crazy!
Sierra: Is it though?
Jordan: Yes! Because I’d rather be cozying up to you! But I ran into her and she was just… emotional. I felt bad. I was just asking her if she was ok. She was blaming herself.
Sierra now rolled her eyes. That explanation seemed to do very little for her.
Jordan: Listen, I promise nothing was going on there. I think… maybe with all that’s happened today we’re both just a little on edge. I don’t know what that was, but it looked like Sienna was trying to kill Kelcey.
Sierra: Kelcey grabbed the wheel!
Jordan: Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump to a conclusion…
Sierra didn’t respond. I turned and leaned my back up against a car.
Jordan: Maybe you’re right. Maybe we need to start figuring some things out.
Sierra: You think?
Jordan: I can tell it’s causing us both stress. On top of that… I’m letting shit get to me that I shouldn’t be. I just… I’d hate for Sienna to find out and her say absolutely not and you dump me on my ass.
Sierra: You think my sister makes my decisions for me now?
Jordan: I don’t. No. Not at all. But honestly, I lived inside that circle and I saw the way she could influence things. She influenced decisions that I made along the way. I just don’t know how we approach that. I would try to talk to her, but I assume she might just stab me in the throat with a nail file or something…
Sierra: Jesus, Jordan!
Jordan: Just saying…
Sierra reached out to me and touched my cheek under my hood. I leaned against her hand and sighed.
Sierra: There’s just a lot of things in our lives right now. You’re trying to finish this show and you seemed stressed out about the tag league. I’m just trying to play my role with my sister and keep things as sane as possible. And as happy as possible. I don’t want to do this, but…
Jordan: But what?
Sierra: Do we need to consider cooling this off?
I laid my head back against the car and then slumped down.
Jordan: I don’t want to do that.
Sierra: I don’t either. But… would that be easier for us?
I laughed softly to myself and shook my head.
Jordan: I don’t feel like committing to the easy road if that means no more me and you, so I’m going to take a hard pass on that.
Sierra smiled at me and shook her head.
Sierra: Let’s table this then.
Jordan: Let’s just forget it all together. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. Name the price and I’ll make it happen.
Sierra: You’d, what, come to Sienna’s house?
Jordan: Sure, just come over and hop in her pool and greet her when she comes home.
Sierra: Ok, that will probably get you stabbed.
Sierra chuckled at the thought and I gave her a grin.
Sierra: Let me put some thought into it. I don’t think we need to rush, but I think we need to have a plan. That’s all.
I nodded and pushed my way off the car and toward her. She grinned and met me with her lips. The heat between us was enough to help me forget how cold it was. When she broke off the kiss, she was biting her lip. How in the world could this girl think I’d be ok with cooling things off, let alone ending it completely because something might be tough. I could tell she didn’t want that. She just didn’t want to see someone else driven to the lengths of her sister. Or maybe she didn’t want to see me and Sierra having a Sierra and Kelcey-like showdown.
Sierra: You finish the show this week, right?
Jordan: That’s the plan…
Sierra: What else do you have left?
I ran a hand under my hood and scratched the back of my neck.
Jordan: Uhh… ha…
Sierra: What?
Jordan: I sorta haven’t mentioned this I don’t think, but that whole me being naked and showing my butt thing is happening.
Sierra: Oh, ok?
Sierra shrugged like it was no big deal. No big deal at all for me to bare it for all to see. I didn’t necessarily like that.
Jordan: Just like that? You don’t think I should care about showing my ass on a television show that will stream forever?
Sierra: Well, from the look of it you have a nice butt. So… it’s just your butt, right?
Jordan: Just my butt? What are you saying? You sound like the director now!
Sierra giggled and shrugged her shoulders again.
Sierra: I was just saying, it could be so much worse than that. Like… show us your breasts or something.
Jordan: Yes, that’s worse but…
Sierra: Spread those legs, Jordan!
Jordan: Sie!?
Sierra laughed at me again. I pouted back and she reached up and grabbed a hold of my bottom lip and planted a kiss on my nose.
Sierra: You’re cute when you get all worked up. It is kinda funny though…
Jordan: What’s that?
Sierra: At this rate, the world will see your bare ass before I do…
Sierra winked and grinned.
Sierra: Bye babe…
She turned around and left me there. My cheeks were suddenly burning bright red at her words as she headed back to the hospital to check on her sister. I watched as her long legs carried her back to the hospital and she disappeared from view. Now I was biting my lip thinking about the expert ways Sierra seemed to tease me. She was ruthless, but for some reason I couldn’t get enough of her. She was right about so many things.
For starters, I had to figure out something to do about this Jaina thing. It was making Sierra insecure, even if I was just trying to be nice. It just felt like it was meant to come back and smack me in the face. Secondly, we did need to have a plan. We were fooling ourselves if we thought we were being careful. The way we’d been around LA together it was almost like we were TRYING to get caught. While “So I Dated an Axe-Murderer’s Sister” sounded like an interesting follow up to a good old movie from the past, I definitely did not want to be the star of the real life version of it if a reveal truly fucked up Sienna’s head. And lastly, I had to get over this fear with the TV show. But it was tough. They were asking me to bare so much of myself. I wasn’t sure if I was ready. There was so much I wanted to keep to myself. Not just my body, either. One more shoot, and then I could turn my attention on making sure Cookie and I won this god damned tag league once and for all!
January 15, 2021 – Los Angeles
There’s not really a way to prepare for a nude scene. God, it’s funny calling it that when it’s just my butt. But my body is mine. Until this moment I’d considered it something private that I shared only when I wanted to and when Cookie burst her way into the bathroom. I was still mortified to this day of the morning I work up still drugged and very naked next to an also naked Asher Hayes. Although nothing had happened there, I just knew Asher had logged that in his mind forever. So I sat in front of a mirror with a white robe clinging tightly to my skin. I had goosebumps from the chill in the air. It wasn’t that cold, but my mind was just full of all negative thoughts. What if I didn’t look good enough and I was judged from this. Maybe they’d think I looked awkward. What if this became a stain on my career, not just in this medium, but in the ring, too!
Izzy: Earth to Jordan!
I snapped back to reality, shaking my head and looking left and right for a moment before centering back on the mirror and seeing Izzy looking back at me.
Izzy: I’ve got to finish this makeup so you can get out there.
I nodded slowly and stared at myself in the mirror.
Izzy: You ok?
Tim: Yes, she’s ok. She’s about to shoot the biggest scene of the season. People will be talking about the boldness of this scene for the rest of 2021. If it goes right, that is. If this goes poorly, they’ll trash the whole show I imagine. You ready to put that ass on display?
The pure brashness! I turned my head slowly and glared at Tim. I’d been dreading this from the moment I heard about it. They were STILL comparing me to Christian Bale. But not his acting. No, his internet famous outburst. I still didn’t know who the fuck gave that audio to TMZ. I had my suspicions about it being Izzy. But I had too much to focus on right now. I was just waiting to get questions from the media later on. I’d been told to play it off, but we’d worry about that later. Right now, it was booty time. Ugh!
Jordan: For the last time, are you positive we can’t get a body double?
Tim: What kind of budget do you think we have? We’ve already maxed it out for next season with our new additions. We can’t afford to cast someone to play your backside.
Jordan: New additions?
Tim: Eh, we’ll talk about it later. We need to get this done. Netflix has an insanely ambitious date on this one. A March debut. I’m sure you’ve seen the ads already?
Jordan: I haven’t, but what about new additions?
Tim: Trailer is dropping Sunday. We’re using all the already shot stuff. These re-shoots will need some intense editing and we’ll slip them in. You’re not just a wrassler anymore, Ms. Majors. You’re a star now. They’ll put your face everywhere. Just wait and see.
And my ass, too. That was all I could think about. Tim got up quickly and departed and I tilted my head back and let out a frustrated groan as soon as I knew he was clear. When I looked back to the mirror, Izzy was grinning ear to ear like the Cheshire cat.
Jordan: Don’t you start with me, please!
Izzy: I don’t have to do anything but just watch you suffer with this smile on my face.
Jordan: This is humiliating for me. I didn’t think I signed up for this, but right there in the contract my dumbass agent had me sign was the provision that allowed this to happen.
Izzy: I don’t know why you’re so upset. I’ve seen your ass. It’s basically immaculate.
Jordan: Uhh… thanks?
Izzy: It’s not as good as a lot of your peers, but it does the job.
Jordan: There’s the Izzy I know…
Izzy: I’d much rather taste Cookie… or that Minerva girl has a lot to offer. Kandis is like four handfuls too many for my taste.
Jordan: Oh, so you have standards then?
Izzy: Maybe I don’t… I did sleep with you once!
Jordan: Bitch…
I crossed my arms and watched as Izzy ate it up. This really was fun for her. Izzy’s laughter was broken up by Ashley entering the room. She sat down in the other chair, also in a robe, and shot me a smile. She let her robe hang open as she sat and I saw the green lingerie she wore. We’d already shot a scene where my character kissed her and she turned and kissed Sam’s character. Then the transition was going to be us in our underwear. For some reason, Tim had changed that to me being bottomless. And then topless. I was wearing some pasties on my nipples, and some weird tape looking thing that Izzy had stuck on my front. Hollywood was weird.
Ashley: You ready for this?
Jordan: I made my last ditch hail mary effort to bow out, but Tim said no.
Ashley: You actually tried that? You’re going hard for that difficult to work with moniker aren’t you?
Jordan: It’s just not something I ever imagined doing.
Ashley: Pssh… it’s your butt. Quit acting like its porn, girl. This is Netflix, they coulda shown the whole thing. Front and back!
Jordan: I thought this show was for kids!
Ashley: Didn’t that facade fade for you somewhere around the point we had our tongues down each other’s throats?
Jordan: I thought it was just… you know… progressive?
I heard Izzy snort and Ashley started to laugh, too. I rolled my eyes as Izzy ran a brush on my cheeks and then stepped back.
Izzy: You’re good to go, slut!
Jordan: Slut!?
Izzy: Having a threesome in your very first TV show!?
I groaned again as I stood and then Ashley followed suit and led the way out of the dressing room.
Izzy: Jordan, hold up!
I turned back as Ashley left the room and gave Izzy my best annoyed look I had. She stood as close to me as she could without touching me, grinned, and then playfully swatted me on the butt.
Izzy: Hmm… bigger than I remember it being.
My eyes went wide as she backed up in a hurry and headed out the back door with a cheesy smile pasted on her face. She liked this too much. I had to find a way to take power back from her before this continued to haunt me in another season of this show. With… whatever cast had been added without my knowledge. About 15 minutes later, Tim was asking us to take our places on the set and an assistant was waiting to take my robe from me. I took a deep breath and slid out of the robe. And then my mind seemed to shut off. I was entangled with Ashley and Sam, the closest I’d ever been to a man in any sort of sexual position. It felt gross to me, but my mind was mostly blank. I was going through the motions.
My mind began to wander in the scene. I had no lines here, just actions. I hoped I was making the right moves, because I had nothing to guide me anymore. I looked up at Ashley and Sam and saw the wrong people. It was Sierra. My mind was fooling me in the same way I’d seen Jaina that time Ashley and I first kissed. My head turned to Sam, who had a hand planted firmly on my ass and I saw… Vihaan!?
Jordan: Ahh!
I choked on my own tongue and snapped back to reality. I realized it was still Sam at that moment, but it was too late. I reached for the bed sheets and Ashley reached for me, but I slipped backwards right out of the bed and toppled to the set floor stomach first. That tape between my legs was the only thing keeping the camera from shooting right up main street. Ashley jumped up to help me as Sam and most of the crew burst into laughter.
Tim: Cut, cut! What the hell just happened? Scene was going perfectly until that! Roll it back we’ve got to do it again!
Tim walked up to the three of us on set and looked right down at me.
Tim: Jordan, please don’t waste my time here. I need to get a few good shots of that ass and I can close the book on shooting this season and get to work finishing this shit up for the service. We’ve all got deadlines here, so can we nail this next take please? There’s not even any lines. Just shots and we’ll dub in music. Let’s finish this. Please!
Tim walked away and Ashley grabbed my hand and helped me get back up on the bed and in position. It was an embarrassing moment, but also extremely weird that I’d once again fantasized like that. And gross that Vihaan had shown up. I wanted to gag in my mouth. We nailed the second take of that scene and the moment Tim wrapped, I sprinted from the stage like I was trying to win a medal at the Olympics and dashed into the dressing room. I needed to get out of there. Being that naked just… bothered me in so many ways. I wasn’t sure how I would feel watching that when it came out or knowing that so many people could see me in that way. I just knew the perverts on Reddit would have a field day with that one.Worst of all, now I had to face Vihaan for the ride home. I would have called someone else if he hadn’t been waiting on me. I walked to the car and when I opened the door, I was flooded with music. And singing.
Vihaan: I would do anything you asked for love!
Vihaan turned around and serenaded me as I stepped in.
Vihaan: But I would not do that!
I about gagged in my mouth for real this time. For some reason I imagined him standing on his bed in his underwear, singing a power ballad with the wrong lyrics while letting all the money I pay him fall over him. Disgusting. I clearly needed some real help.
Vihaan: How was your time shooting the movie, Ms. Jordan?
Jordan: It was…uhh… fine. What were you just doing?
Vihaan: I was trying to pass time while waiting. Have you heard of the man called Meatloaf? I thought this was disgusting American food served by white parents. But no, it’s also manly man who sings. Do you think Ms. Cookie would like if I sang Meatloaf to her? She seems like her type!
Jordan: You think Meatloaf is Cookie’s type?
Vihaan: He looks like a skinny Derek with long hair.
Jordan: Yeah, not anymore he doesn’t…
Vihaan: Or maybe she like George Michael and his Sex song. I want to Sex!
Jordan: Uhh…
Vihaan: You must help me, Ms. Jordan.
Jordan: I never said anything about this arrangement being related to me paying you to hit on my best friend.
Vihaan: But I love her!
Jordan: Just… drive me home you maniac!
Vihaan turned away from me and went quiet. I looked out the window and sighed. My journey as an actress was temporarily over. But maybe more was coming in the future. I was intrigued by my sudden daydreaming about Sierra. But completely disgusted by the invasion of the Uber driver that went along with it. I had to forget all of that now. Forget worrying about Sienna learning my new secret relationship. Forget what Bree and Jaina had to think about my choices. Forget what was coming next with Grimm’s Tales. The only thing I cared about right now was winning the tag league. I had unfinished business in front of me. I didn’t care who stood in our way. I was willing to do anything Cookie and I needed to do to get that shot at the Tag Championships. We had to do whatever it takes.
Promo
A camera flips on to show an empty room before Jordan Majors walks into view and sits down in a chair, facing the camera. She leans forward and folds her hands in front of her.
Five months of my career has led to this moment. It’s the moment I said Cookie and I would be in ALL along. And yes, there’s a big match on the horizon that everyone wants to talk about. But for me, this week is the big one. Everything I’ve spent nearly half a year working toward… the culmination of that is now. Four teams. One winner. Disappointment abound for the three that can’t cut it. Well, I’ve been disappointed enough this year. This is MY time. Cookie and I are leaving Breakdown as the winners of this Tag League and we will face the tag champions at Retribution. That’s exactly how this is going to go down.
Jordan smirks a little and shakes her head.
I understand the excitement about what’s to come this week. We have four teams all deserving of being here, even if two of them aren’t even the same team now. And I also fully understand the excitement that some have about Andrew Raynes and Glory Braddock coming into this thing. Let me make this clear. I don’t give a flying fuck about how excited those two are about this opportunity. I’m not about to let something I’ve spent so long working toward slip away to people who are showing up at the last minute with an opportunity for gold in their eyes. Neither of them have had to fight in this tag league. Cookie and I carried an entire division of this league on our backs until the end. We wanted Frozen Hell again. Now we’re getting the half version of that. As much as it pisses me off that we won’t get that rematch, I’m not going to be distracted and watch Glory waltz into a title opportunity. And if Bree manages to find her way to the finals, I’m not about to watch her and her house boy Andrew Raynes stumble their way into a title opportunity for the tag titles. This is our turn. Maybe I seem angry. Maybe I AM angry. But we started this league as the laughing stock of a division. Everyone thought we were a joke. No one will be laughing when Breakdown ends and the Psychonauts are holding their one-way ticket to a title opportunity.
She leans back in the chair and crosses her arms.
I stood backstage and watched last week’s Breakdown and I couldn’t help but laugh. As much as Frozen Hell dropped the disrespect card on us because people wanted to see us win, there was Selena attacking Bree and making her claim at facing Bree in the tag finals. Maybe that wasn’t the intention, but that’s sure as hell how that felt. What about A/C Unit? Forget about them? Bree and Sienna didn’t beat them. You can be sure they’re pissed about not getting their rematch, too. You see Selena, you and Regan were the tag team of 2020. But 2020 is over. You got your win against us. Now it’s our turn. There’s no underdogs, and don’t give me any shit about you being dangerous and having your backs against the wall. All the crap you fed me about adversity? We’ve felt it. We wanted to pay you back, but unfortunately half your team isn’t here. We lost. We picked up the pieces and we’re still here. Losing to Frozen Hell was the lowest of lows for us. We never quit. We just kept going. You think we’re not fighting for what we believe in with every goddamn thing we have? What a slap in the face. I guess it’s only you and Glory that can operate that way. I expected better from you, but I should have known better. Beating you and Glory and winning this league will right all of it. Believe it, Selena. Your road in the tag league comes to an end at our hands.
But you see, I know why you picked Glory. I understand the pick wholeheartedly. What most are probably afraid to point out is that other than Bree, Glory might have had a better 2020 than any other woman in this business.
Jordan nods and then shrugs to herself.
I was there when she won the Trios contract. I was lying on my back in fact. We all watched her win the Adrenaline title and then hold on to it better than anyone else. We watched as she battled for the World Championship and just fell short. It should come as no surprise that she’s sliding into this position while also getting a rematch at the title – something not often granted to people in this company. If you can’t have Regan, this surely shakes things up and puts the odds in your favor. But let me put this right back in your corner. You said Cookie and I would lose to you last time because of inexperience. It wasn’t just ring experience, but knowing what it was like to lose as a team. Clear the board babes. We have the experience in the ring, and we have the experience of picking ourselves up from that low and getting ready for this match. I’m sorry, Glory, but I’m simply not willing to let you come in and steal this from me. So I will take it from you. And you and Selena can learn to like it.
She smiles and looks directly into the camera.
The bond that Cookie and I have? That trumps anything you can throw together as a replacement. You might think Regan is there in spirit to push you to a win, but I want this more than you could possibly imagine. And I will bitch slap that smirk right off your face when we stand in the ring together. You’re underestimating us because you see some divine intervention at play leading you to a win. And you will fall to two women with pure desire that you continue to overlook as you obsess over your glory in the past. Regan is out of the equation. It sucks. But you two will be removed from the equation of this tag league by the Psychonauts.
Jordan shakes her head and laughs.
That same thing goes to you, Bree. Yeah, you beat me at the end of the year to retain that belt and now it is wholly yours for that insane match next week. I have to imagine your own mortality is weighing on you heavily as that match approaches. But I can see why you picked Raynes to try and pad your chance at winning this. He’s a friend. You usually hold those friends dear and close. Especially ones that kiss your ass, right? No offense! Everyone loves to have their ego stroked, and you do especially. Cookie and I have spent every moment we’ve had since our match ended on January 6th getting ready for this show. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but we’ve been painfully absent from the schedule. We didn’t ask for that, but we did use that to make sure we’d be ready to kick any asses we had to face this weekend. We know damn well all that your partner has accomplished around the world and here in SCW. I’m sure the Bree superfans collapsed when they found out who you’d picked. Me? I smirked. I’d love to send his ass packing right back to GCW. He left so he could win all the gold he could get his hands on there. I don’t care if he’s a cruel asshole. He’s here trying to take something I want. I have no problems being a ruthless bitch that stands in the way of him ruining me and my true best friends dream.
She leans forward and folds her hands back in her lap. She shakes her head and sighs.
It’s kind of funny that we could potentially meet like this again. Hell, we could somehow end up fighting each other again next week, too! But Bree, you got me in that title match. Right now, defending that title and fighting for it is your arena. It’s what you’re best at. This is mine. Yes, I know what you and Sienna had to do to get here. But no way in hell does that compare to the road Cookie and I had to travel. You and Sienna? You were expected to be here. Selena Frost said it best about Cookie and me. We were supposed to quit after we lost those first two matches. In fact, let’s be honest, we are the team no one expected. It should have been Dark Fantasy or Big Ass Connection. The dream team of Chris and Lucas, right? Wrong. We took over this division because while so many have treated this as just something to do, we made this our whole lives. I’m sure you’d love to get your hands on me and try to create more nightmares because of whatever twisted shit you’re blaming me for in your head. But me? I’m just focused on beating you or your little buddy if you stand in my way. Because personally, I think you’re facing the realest threat of all in the semi-finals.
Jordan laughs to herself. She rolls her eyes.
Ah, yes. The man who asks me to call him “coach” and his partner Cid Turner. I haven’t known Cid long, but this is a man I respect because of what he gave to the business and what he’s trying to give to it right now. When this Tag League was created, Cookie and I knew our threats. Frozen Hell and Dark Fantasy, and Kandis’ oversized butt. We also knew who would be the challenge from the other side. We both talked about A/C Unit. Maybe it’s because they’re the group that most reminds us of, well, us. They have personality. Cid and I might be the more serious members of our teams. We also might be the most complicated. Cookie and Asher, they’re just pure fun in the ring. I met Cid recently and something he said really stuck with me. He sees women like me and Cookie as the future of this business. But I know he’s not quite ready to let his grasp on the present go. If we meet in the finals, your ninja grip on today will be shattered by the last to Star of Tomorrow winners. I’ve been saying for the last year that I wasn’t willing to wait for tomorrow when I could make it happen today. Now, Cookie is right there with me. If we fight, Cid, the future will be now.
There’s a shrug from Jordan as she leans back and crosses her arms.
Asher won’t like me saying that, but I know what he has in his head. Ever since I won the Adrenaline Championship from him, Asher has been dying to get back in the ring with me and get even with me. He wants that win back. To be fair, he wanted it back when I still had that belt he can’t seem to take from anyone these days. But I know now he probably sees this as two things. A golden opportunity to earn a shot at the tag titles, and a chance to take something away from me. The amount of competitive spirit in him knows no bounds. But he, as much as anyone, knows how dangerous I can be when I’m truly hungry. I worked for so long just to get an opportunity when I got that Adrenaline title shot. I’ve been working for what feels like forever to reach this point in the Tag League. I’m starved, Asher. So that means once again you’ll have to take a loss to me if we stand together in those finals. You know it’s nothing personal. I’ll get you a front row seat to the celebration Cookie and I throw when we win those tag belts. Everything you and Cid have done in the last year has been a helluva ride to watch. But I promise you, coach, 2021 is the year of Jordan and Cookie. When this year ends, there will be no doubt we were the best tag team. And it starts this week on Breakdown.
Jordan leans forward, her arms still crossed as she stares directly into the camera.
I want to stand in the middle of that ring victorious with my best friend. I want to prove the world wrong about me. I know they’re starting to say I can’t win the big matches. This week, I will rewrite the narrative with Cookie at my side. I don’t care if we’re fighting replacements, storied champions, or the one other established team that still exists in this thing. Finally, this week, the Tag League will come to an end. And all the hard work and sacrifice that Cookie and I put into this will pay off when they announce to the world that the best tag team in SCW is the Psychonauts. You never saw us coming, but we were right here all along. You thought it was a joke, a comedy act of sorts, but we surprised everyone when we stepped in that ring together. Every week we got better. Every week someone was shocked. The only thing left to do is to put a cherry on top of this and cement what we’ve known from the get go. We were destined to shake up this division and climb to the top because of the Tag League. We have everything you need to be the best tag team in SCW. Now, the rest of you can watch us as we ascend to the top. You don’t have to like it, but you can take that to the bank, bitches. Because Jordan Majors is money. And THAT’S the way the Cookie crumbles.
Jordan leans in close to the camera and blows it a kiss. She gives it a wink and grins before reaching forward and ending the recording.
Everything You Wish You Could Be 