May 4, 2021 – Los Angeles
After a late night of sitting home alone and smoking weed, I didn’t feel any better. I’d come home alone from a dinner with Sierra after conversations turned real. We both felt busy in our own ways. But something for us was always off. We were moving at a slow pace and it wasn’t working for me. For Sierra, I think the issue was that we worked better as friends. The longer this all went, the more we were complicating that. And maybe it was unnecessary to ruin a decent thing. I think we hugged for what felt like an hour before she left. But it was done. It was a breakup, even if it was spared all the drama of some of my past ones. No one was screaming or bawling. None of that.
I still didn’t feel any better waking up in this house alone. I drug my ass out of bed and threw on some clothes in order to make it to a table read of sorts at a local library in LA. A few of the shows writers and producer grabbed a few of the cast members and reserved a room for some pre-production research. For some reason, some genius at Netflix thought the way forward was for us to understand our characters better. So, what was I supposed to do? Read a thousand stories about a grandma being devoured by a wolf? The whole idea kind of annoyed me, to be honest, but I was trying this thing where I was being more professional.
After the idea was explained to us, I walked around the floor of the library with my co-star Ashley. She played the love interest of my character, and also a female version of Robin Hood, so she was also in the same boat as me.
Ashley: I can’t believe we have to do this.
Jordan: I know! How many stories about robbing people does it take for you to “understand your character.”
Ashley: At least Red Riding Hood is a girl. Robin Hood is a man in all the stories. I mean, seriously.
Jordan: Yeah, but she’s a kid.
Ashley: Not in all the stories…
I titled my head at her and narrowed my eyes. She had a sly smile on her face that caught me off guard. I rolled my eyes at her as the silence hung between us and she seemed to be content to refuse me the answer.
Jordan: Well?
Ashley: Follow me.
She turned her back and left me and I jogged a few steps to catch up and walk beside her, trying to follow her steps as she led us away.
Jordan: Where we going?
Ashley: You’ll see. Just be patient.
Jordan: Ok…
Ashley: Speaking of patience… how is it with you and that girl?
I looked away and let out a sigh. I almost missed her change of direction and had to jog a few steps to catch up again.
Ashley: Ah, so that good then?
Jordan: Actually it ended last night.
Ashley: Shit… you ok?
I tilted my head back and forth and laughed. I didn’t know the answer to it, even if I knew that the decision was mutual and the right one.
Jordan: Probably. She’s always been a good friend to me and I value that more than anything. I mean, we’d barely done anything.
Ashley: In the little time I’ve known you, you do seem the type to just… you know… go for it.
Jordan: What the hell does that mean?
Ashley: You know…
Jordan: No. I don’t!
Ashley stopped mid-journey and turned to me.
Ashley: You don’t like to wait around. Hence the bit about patience.
Jordan: That’s not true. I was willing to be patient for her. It just wouldn’t have worked.
Ashley: Why?
I rolled my eyes harder than before and let out a deeper sigh.
Jordan: It just wouldn’t have worked, ok? Shit…
Ashley: Uh, huh…
Ashley shook her head and turned away to lead the expedition again. We walked through towering bookshelves to a section that was far away from where we were sent by the writers and producers. My eyes were drawn by the titles and some of the series names. It didn’t take long for me to put together where we were. A very particular kind of book that I mostly connected to lonely women and housewives that aren’t satisfied by boring husbands.
Jordan: So… smut books?
Ashley: Don’t call them that. Come on. For someone out there, these are an escape.
Jordan: For lots of someones based on the way these books look. Unless one poor soul is checking them all out.
Ashley: Fuck off. I’ve read all of these.
Jordan: Seriously!? Aren’t you married!?
Ashley: He doesn’t care. It gives me lots of ideas. It makes me… well… you know…
Ashley grinned and it brought a laugh out of me. She didn’t have to explicitly say it for me to know what she meant. Come to think of it, she frequently read books during hair sessions before filming. She was even reading a small book before our scenes together. It made me wonder if it was her untapped secret to all the passion she managed to show. Critics had raved about her performance from our first season. I was getting a lot of positive vibes for a beginner, but the expectations were higher for the second season. I watched as Ashley pulled a book out of a shelf and offered it to me. Looking at the cover I saw a sexy brunette red riding hood leaning into a man wearing a jacket made of what must have been wolf pelt. It was very suggestive.
Jordan: I don’t think this book is for me.
Ashley: I’m just showing you. This stuff exists. Sometimes it makes me wonder if our writers based our characters off the comic books or this stuff.
Jordan: No doubt they are just people writing their own fan fiction.
Ashley: You know about fan fiction?
Jordan: Sorry, what?
Ashley: You said fan fiction.
Jordan: I didn’t… are you feeling ok?
Ashley shot me a look and then turned away and began walking off. She stopped down the way and looked at some books as I turned back to the shelf and placed the book back amongst where she’d taken it out. As I pulled out a larger book I saw someone on the opposite side in a gap between the shelves. I stared at her, longer than I should have. She caught wind and stared back. There was a familiarity about her. I replaced the book and walked to the other side and looked down the aisle but no one was there. I shrugged to myself as I turned back the other direction and ran into someone, knocking a book out of their hand. I reached down and picked it up and then followed a pair of legs up before looking up and seeing the eyes I’d seen from the bookshelf.
Dawn: Jordan. That was you.
Jordan: Wow!? Dawn! It’s been… a long time.
Dawn: Yeah it really has.
I smiled as I offered the book back her way. She took it and folded it in her arms and smiled back. I was looking at my ex-girlfriend’s sister. Well, defining what Abi and I were will always be complicated.
Dawn: I’m a bit surprised to see you in a place like this.
Jordan: Yeah, I’m sure…
I chuckled and scratched at my arm. Why did I always have to be so awkward with people?
Jordan: The writers of the show wanted us to come do some research… get ready for Season 2.
Dawn: And they sent you over here?
Jordan: Well, uhh, no. But… wait. You’re over here too!
Dawn: That aisle isn’t adult books.
I peaked back around the corner and saw that the section was just dedicated to regular works of fiction.
Dawn: Not that I’m judging…
Dawn looked down the aisle and saw where Ashley was standing. I doubted she would recognize her from this angle. On the shows she wore long, brown hair. In person Ashley was a shorter haired blonde. Dawn seemed to study her as she looked that way. Almost like she was scouting out the situation.
Dawn: So how are things for you these days?
Jordan: They’re ok, I guess. I bought a house in the county. Up in the hills. Cookie Dreams was living there with me, but now it’s just me.
Dawn: That sounds nice.
Jordan: I hate it. Too much space for just me.
Dawn: I know you’ve never been one that likes to be left alone.
Jordan: Oh. You know that, huh?
Dawn just smiled like she’d said too much. I ran my hand through my hair. Then I laughed and shook my head.
Jordan: Why are we being weird? It’s good to see you. You look… amazing. Honestly.
Dawn: Thank you! I’ve liked you better without pink hair.
Jordan: Me too!
I chuckled and got a soft laugh out of Dawn.
Dawn: I should probably let you and your girlfriend get back to looking at things–
Jordan: My girlfriend? Who? Her? No that’s not my girlfriend.
Dawn: I didn’t mean–
Jordan: I’m single. That’s my co-star Ashley Dawson. You know? She plays Athena on the show.
Dawn: Yes I–
Jordan: Yeah, I’m totally single though. She’s married actually and–
Dawn: Jordan!
I went totally silent and looked at Dawn smiling. She seemed to find some sort of humor out of this conversation.
Dawn: I didn’t mean girlfriend like that. Just like, in the friend that is a girl sort of way. I would recognize her anywhere. I watch the show. It’s one of my favorites right now. They kind of butchered the source material, but the book is almost always better than the movie if I’m being honest.
Jordan: Wait!? Hold up! You’re a fan of the show?
Dawn: I didn’t say I was a fan, but I guess by definition that makes me a fan?
Jordan: That’s, uhh… that’s really cool. Honestly. I’m glad to know you liked it.
Dawn: Ashley is amazing in it.
Jordan: Oh. Yeah, she is.
Dawn laughed to herself and shook her head.
Dawn: And you’re wonderful in it, too. I was surprised to see that final episode. You really went all out. It was your best work in the series.
I felt myself blushing. Why? I don’t know. Dawn and I had a cordial relationship. More acquaintances than friends. With the past history was it maybe complicated acquaintances? I don’t know. But she didn’t seem to have an issue with me. She surely noticed me blushing at her compliment. Was it a compliment? Shit… I wasn’t even sure. I looked down the aisle to break eye contact with Dawn and saw Ashley staring at us. She had a grin on her face as she watched our interaction.
Dawn: Anyway, I should leave you to your research.
Jordan: Would you like to get together sometime?
Dawn: What?
Jordan: Sorry, I just kind of blurted that out…
I turned back to look at Dawn. She looked either confused or surprised. I couldn’t be sure.
Jordan: Would you like to have dinner or maybe coffee or something sometime? If not, it’s totally fine. You can tell me and I’ll be ok. I just thought, well, that it would be nice. Or that maybe you would enjoy it? I don’t know.
Dawn didn’t answer right away. She went very quiet and just stared at me. It looked like she was calculating an equation inside of her head. Like she had to put serious thought into this to make a decision.
Dawn: Ok. Yes.
Jordan: Yes?
Dawn: I’d like that.
Jordan: Ok, I’ll call you? Wait, I don’t even have your number…
Dawn reached out and took my phone from my front pocket. It was sticking right out of my jeans. She tapped away at the screen for a minute before handing it back to me. I was surprised. Even more shocked than she was. Both at the fact that I’d asked and that she’d said yes. Was I betraying Sierra for doing this? Less than 24 hours later? That was erased from my mind when she handed the phone back to me.
Dawn: I’ll talk to you soon.
Dawn smiled and left me there. She looked over her shoulder as she was walking off in a way that caught my attention. I didn’t think I was ready for a date yet. But I at least had the confidence to ask for and earn myself a number. The situation felt complicated though. I didn’t know if it was a step I was willing to take. So I watched her as she walked off and stuffed my phone back in my pocket. I put the thought in the back of my mind. Until Taking Hold of the Flame.
June 13, 2021 – St. Louis
I sat in the back of the arena at the end of the show, feeling more confident than I had in my whole career. Finally, I was feeling like myself again. A top 5 finish in Taking Hold of the Flame. I had rekindled my relationship with an old friend. I had finally stood up for myself with Dave and told him what I needed. Things felt like they might be turning around. Finally. My phone caught me off guard as it sounded out with a text. I looked down to see who it was and saw a message from Dawn.
Dawn text: Congrats on a good showing. You did so well! Nothing to be ashamed of.
I stared at the phone for a moment before clicking into the message and replying back.
Jordan text: What are you doing tomorrow night? How about dinner to celebrate a Sunday where I didn’t get my ass beat for a change?
I hit send and then sat there. Instantly the three dots popped up, but then they went away. I wondered if had taken a bad chance here. The three dots started again and then ended, again. I sighed and threw my phone into my bag and leaned back into the lockers behind me. The next notification on the phone sent me scrambling back to my bag to scoop it up.
Dawn: Pick me up at 5?
I nearly pumped my fist. It was exactly the kind of boost I needed. Things really did feel like they had been steered back in the right direction for me. The pills were gone, relationships were mended, and maybe the start of something new? And for once, nothing seemed to be standing in my way. Nothing seemed to be threatening to tear it apart.
June 15, 2021 – Downtown Los Angeles
I sat in the office of the Living Dangerously Dojo alone, waiting. I looked at my phone and smiled as I texted back and forth with Dawn. We had a good date. Great honestly. I was probably being ridiculous feeling over the moon about it. We’d already planned a follow up, which felt weird in a way. For once I was glad I gave myself that bit of space before I did something. I always seemed to be moving from one thing to the next. But I was not disappointed with the way that first date went. Or the way it ended…
I looked up as I saw the old man crutching his way toward the office. He grunted and sighed as he opened the door, me watching him the whole way of course, until he got in and shut the door. He sat down in his office chair with a plop and leaned his crutches against the wall behind him. He turned to face me. I could read it on his face. He was annoyed with me. Even though I had done everything I was supposed to do at Taking Hold of the Flame, bar winning of course, he was giving me the most disapproving look.
David: Get on with it then. Why did you make me drag my ass here instead of just taking the invitation to come to my house?
I looked past him out in the gym and saw Regan and Lucas standing together and chatting. Dave’s wife no doubt had brought him here.
Jordan: I wanted to check and see how you were doing?
David: Honestly? That required me to be here?
Jordan: Hey! It’s your business. Shouldn’t you be here?
David: It runs itself without me in the building. Thanks for doubting my ability as a business owner.
Jordan: Who said that? I just assumed you wanted to get out of the house and–
David holds a hand up. He looks back over his shoulder into the gym and leans forward.
David: This is about Chris, isn’t it? About what we need to do next?
I gave him a sideways look and leaned back into my chair far enough that I touched the wall.
Jordan: We?
David: You know what I mean.
Jordan: I have an idea. But look around. We’re fighting with an empty cabinet. The troops are losing interest in the battles. Minerva and her gang took Chris and who knows what they’re doing with him. But think about it. What’s the purpose in continuing this fight now? We lost our general. They’ve already celebrated.
David: Wait… you’re just backing out now?
Jordan: No, because that would be giving you exactly what you want. I talked to Dean Black on Sunday. I’m solving one of your problems and then I’m making my exit from this. I’m doing my job.
He tilted his head to the other side and stared at me in confusion.
Jordan: I’m taking on Konrad in an Underground Rules match. And I know… I know the danger I’m putting myself in here. But I have every intention to make him choke on his zipper until the little submissive bitch leaves us alone once and for all.
Dave just sat there for a moment and stared at me. He raised his hand up and scratched his forehead.
David: I’m not sure what to say. I had visions of this going to Rise to Greatness if I’m honest. Us ending it there once and for all.
Jordan: Us? Dave… look at yourself, man. This is over. They probably think they’ve beaten us, but they’re running out of steam. At least as far as I see it.
David: Jordan, they just kidnapped the former world champion.
Jordan: He can probably handle himself.
David: I appreciate that you want to take Konrad out of the equation. As far as you see it anyway. But this just feels like you throwing your hands up and walking away.
Jordan: Maybe it is. I just…
I sigh and look out the window.
David: What is it?
I stand up and pace back and forth a few steps with my hands on my hip. I bite my lip as I look out the window.
Jordan: Has anything ever happened in the ring that just made you feel… alive?
David: I’m not sure I’m following…
Jordan: At Taking Hold of the Flame, something happened that just… I don’t know how to describe it.
I looked over at David and he was staring at me intently. We locked eyes and I could see his focus. He narrowed his eyes.
David: Something lit a fire in you. Someone did.
Jordan: Yes.
David: There was something you said at the hospital that night a few weeks back. About you not fighting for you. I saw you in that match on Sunday. You were fighting for you more than ever before. It didn’t matter who stepped in your way, you kept going at them. Even after being in the match as long as you were. And then there was that exchange with…
Dave trailed off and he locked eyes with me again. I saw something different in his expression. I turned to face him completely and leaned back against the wall.
David: You’re going after Nicole Kinneck.
I nodded and Dave leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. He looked out into the gym and watched as Britt spoke to a number of patrons. He sighed to himself and continued to look out the window.
David: Do you understand what that means?
Jordan: She brought a fight out of me that I didn’t even know I had. Another gear. It was… more addictive than any drug I’ve ever tried.
David: Jordan…
He turned back and looked at me. There was a seriousness to his tone that I wasn’t quite used to.
David: Nicole is different.
Jordan: I know.
David: I’m not sure you do. The woman is insane. I mean, absolutely crazy in every way.
Jordan: And what we’ve been dealing isn’t?
David: Nicole is the type of person that will hug you one moment, choke you the next, and then slit your throat because she thinks it’s funny. She doesn’t care what happens to her. She won’t care what happens to you. She’ll take pleasure in it.
I sat back down and leaned forward, folding my hands together and looking down at the ground.
Jordan: You’re not gonna talk me out of this, Dave.
David: I’m not trying to. I’m never gonna tell you what I think you should do again. Not unless you ask me.
Jordan: I wouldn’t ask for your permission on this.
David: I wouldn’t expect you to.
I bit my lip as I looked up. I shook my head.
Jordan: I’ve been floundering for so long. I’ve needed that something that wakes me up. I feel like… like I’ve been fighting in a comatose state. Here, but not really here. That brawl with Nicole…
For the first time since Dave walked in his office, I smiled. It was a wicked smile in a way. In my mind I knew exactly what I would be signing up for. A fight against someone who is practically a different person every time you blink. As far as I knew, challenging her to a fight at Rise to Greatness would be signing my own death sentence. But I didn’t care. I wanted this for myself. I craved it. Fighting battles for other people wasn’t cutting it for me anymore. I had to do this.
David: I know. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t know what you’re feeling. And seeing you right now? I know you’re going to do this no matter what anyone says.
Jordan: Why do I feel like there’s a but in there somewhere?
David: But… you have to do this one on your own. No one can help you. We’re still in the trenches here trying to end this war.
Jordan: Thing is, Dave, I was never meant to be a soldier. Out there fighting the good fight.
I look up and shake my head at him again.
Jordan: I was never meant to fight other people’s battles. I need to fight my own.
David: Nicole will kill you if she has the chance.
Jordan: I’ve survived everything that’s been thrown at me. There’s nothing she can do that will keep me down for good. Nothing anyone can do. I hoped to walk out of that match with the right to fight for the SCW title, just like everyone else. You know? But instead I had a completely different flame lit within me. If Nicole doesn’t know it yet… she will next week on Breakdown.
Dave just nodded at me slowly and didn’t say a word. He looked at me with a knowing glance. This was happening and there was no stopping it. I’d made that clear. I stood up and started to reach for the door when Dave spoke up.
David: About Bree…
Jordan: What about her?
David: I’m happy for you. I mean that she helped you get your head straight.
Jordan: You’ll have to thank her in person sometime. Maybe if you all can put to rest whatever family issues there are with you and her fiance.
David: Stranger things have happened…
It was strange, he didn’t seem annoyed at the suggestion. This guy really doesn’t like giving anything away if he can help it. I smirked and laughed softly to myself.
Jordan: It’s funny. Two people who hated each other’s guts so much when they feuded just a year ago. And before you know it, y’all gonna be family. How great is that?
David: In the big picture, it can always be worse… I mean, I’m technically related to Lucas, remember?
He shot me a smirk and I chuckled. I knew the idea of calling Bree part of his family was something he still wasn’t exactly thrilled about, but he at least seemed to have accepted it, which was something. Not that he had much choice I guess. Whether he wanted it or not, Dom and Bree were getting married and there wasn’t much he could do about it.
David: That said, I wouldn’t expect to suddenly find out I’m inviting her to family barbecues or anything of that ilk if I was you…
Jordan: Hey now! You invite me to those and I fucked your ex-wife!
David: Jordan! Christ!?
I broke out into laughter as I reached for the door handle. Dave was beside himself. A mix of anger and annoyance at the statement. For some reason, the guy had been letting me get away with ribbing him hard lately.
David: Hey!
Jordan: Yes!? I’m trying to leave, man?
David: After shit like that I don’t even know why I’m saying this, but… if you need anything…
Jordan: I know where to find you.
He nodded, mostly to himself, and crossed his arms.
David: Can you tell Britt I need to talk to her?
I nodded and walked out of the office.
Jordan: Britt! Dave wants his coffee!
Britt shot me a death glare and rolled her eyes as she walked toward me and then passed me for Dave’s office. I turned back and looked toward the office and let out a sigh of relief. This was something I wanted more than anything. Three things had been on my mind since Taking Hold of the Flame. Dawn Lohan, Nicole Kinneck, and David’s reaction to my desire to move on to something that I wanted. I could tell Dave wasn’t exactly thrilled. But he accepted it. He understood it. Now I just needed to make my intentions clear.
June 19, 2021 – Las Vegas
I spent most of the week with Dawn. Things seemed to be moving at a breakneck pace at times. But we had connected. More than I had even expected. But I left LA that weekend to visit Cookie in Las Vegas. She had begged me to spend some time with her. Something other than the shows. I was slightly confused when the address she gave me ended up driving me right back to the brothel her dad had been living at. I walked in and was flooded by women. Like I was a customer.
Hornelius: Jordan!
I heard a familiar voice and saw the crowd parting like the red seas. But when I looked down I saw Daddy’s small frame pushing his way through the group of women. I saw his smile and accepted his offer of a hug.
Jordan: Daddy!
Daddy: Please! Call me Hornelius. Come on back. Cookie is by the pool. You smell really nice by the way.
Jordan: I… ok…
Before I could say another word, Daddy grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me away from the crowd of women who all looked bored and disappointed about missing out on what they assumed was a potential client. I shrugged to them as I was pulled outside and back into the sunlight. I reacted to the brightness by quickly flipping sunglasses over my eyes and stared straight ahead to see Cookie and Bunny laying out on chairs, tanning no doubt. Cookie turned to look my way and then I saw that signature smile. She hopped up in a way that she almost fell over as she ran to me and hugged me in a way very different than Daddy just had. I wrapped my arms around her and fell into the comfort of our friendship. I missed seeing this girl on a daily basis. But I was finally starting to figure out how to exist without here.
Cookie: I’m so glad you came!
Jordan: Are you… living here?
Cookie: Here!? God no. Derek abandoned our old house because it was stained with sin or something. I don’t know. He’s a bit weird now.
Jordan: Oh? Only now then?
I couldn’t help but smile at the naivete of what Cookie had just said. I had personally always found Derek to be a bit out there.
Cookie: Anyway. I have lots of things planned for us this weekend. Did you bring Vihaan?
Jordan: Ethel…
I shook my head. She frowned.
Cookie: He’s still struggling with the car thing?
I nodded and let out a sigh.
Cookie: Well… buy him a new one?
Jordan: Me?
Cookie: Yeah! Make him pay you back over time or something? I don’t know, just thought it would be nice.
Jordan: It would be VERY nice. I don’t think he would ever leave me alone…
Cookie: See!? It’s a perfect idea!
Jordan: You and I have very different definitions of perfect. Besides, I–
My phone started to ring and I reached in my purse to find the thing. I pulled it out to see Dawn calling and smiled.
Jordan: Give me a second, boo.
Cookie: Sure thing, Ky.
I stepped away from Cookie and answered the call with that smile on my face.
Jordan: Hey!
Dawn: Hi… you in Vegas then?
Jordan: Uh, huh. I just got to Ethel’s place. Well, kind of. She had me come to a brothel.
The line went silent for a moment.
Jordan: Umm… you there?
Dawn: Yeah, I just… you said she was a bit eccentric but even that surprised me a little bit.
Jordan: You don’t know the half of it, babe.
Dawn: Babe, huh? A week in and I’ve already earned a pet name?
Jordan: Is that bad?
Dawn: No… but I think you could maybe get a little more creative than babe, right?
Jordan: Not while I’m standing next to the pool at a Las Vegas brothel.
Dawn: Fair. Well, I was just about to dive into this book and I wanted to see how things were going. Don’t worry, though. I won’t bother you all weekend. I know you’re there to see your friend.
Jordan: You’re not a bother at all. I’m glad you called.
There was that awkward silence between us. I smiled. In my mind I assumed she was smiling, too.
Dawn: Heh… I’ll be around. But have fun with Cookie, ok?
Jordan: I will. Bye, babe.
Dawn: Babe… heh. Talk soon! Bye.
I pulled my phone down and smiled, biting my lip as I stashed the phone back in my purse. I turned around and Cookie was there. Like bam! Right in my face. She was smiling. I shot her a confused look.
Cookie: So things are going good with Sierra then? Heard you calling her babe. Things must have finally moved forward.
I probably visually cringed when she mentioned Sierra. I reached back and scratched the back of my neck and laughed softly. Now Cookie looked confused. She put her hands on her hips. I looked at her and saw the sun beaming off her skin. Honestly she looked like some kind of celestial being. Like the rays were purposely aimed just at her to illuminate her.
Cookie: Was that not Sierra?
Jordan: No.
Cookie: Wait…
Cookie rolled her eyes and sighed. She crossed her arms and then shook her head.
Jordan: What?
Cookie: Jaina again?
Jordan: Boo, don’t you think you’d know if that was the case?
I saw Cookie flare her nostrils a few times and then she side eyed me before looking away.
Cookie: You’re right. So, what the heck is going on? Not Sierra? Not Jaina?
Jordan: It’s… you’re not going to believe it.
Cookie: With you? Anything is possible.
Jordan: Hey!?
Cookie shot me a knowing look. A serious look like she was calling me out on my bullshit for protesting. I shrugged and nodded.
Jordan: Ok. Yeah. Anything…
I shook my head and Cookie adjusted her posture in a way that seemed like she was just waiting for me to spill the information.
Jordan: Dawn.
Cookie: Dawn?
Jordan: Yeah.
Cookie: Dawn… Lohan?
Jordan: Yep.
Cookie had a moment of shock over her face and she moved her hands back down to her hips.
Cookie: And Sierra?
Jordan: We broke up at the beginning of May.
Cookie: Why didn’t you tell me?
Jordan: Ethel… there’s a lot of things I haven’t told you about. Not because I didn’t want you to know. But because I’m ashamed of some of the things I did after you moved away. I lost complete control of myself. Was drinking and doing pills like crazy.
Cookie: Kylie!? You serious!?
Jordan: Don’t worry about it. I stopped. I’m clean. Well, I’ve drank a little. But in moderation.
Cookie: I wish you’d told me this was all going on. I could tell something was off, but… I don’t know you need help unless you let me know you need help. You’re not good at showing people these things, you know?
Jordan: I’ve heard that.
I laughed and ran a hand through my hair. Cookie stood there processing things. She shook her head.
Cookie: So… Dawn?
Jordan: Yeah?
Cookie: When did that start?
Jordan: Monday?
Cookie: Kylie!? You’re calling her babe? It’s been less than a week!
Jordan: Well… we’ve spent a lot of time together this week. The vibe is amazing. I’ve never felt this kind of connection so soon.
Cookie: Oh really?
Jordan: Really!
Cookie rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. I couldn’t understand what her deal was. She put her hand out and started counting.
Cookie: Abigail, Jaina, Kathryn, Jaina again, Sierra, now Dawn…
Jordan: So?
Cookie: Are you sure it’s a good idea to keep hopping into relationship after relationship like this?
Jordan: Ugh…
Cookie: I’m just saying. Is it smart to keep putting yourself through this? Have you ever considered trying to be single for a while? I’ve been separated from Derek for a little bit now and it’s great. It’s nice to be single.
Jordan: Ok, but that works for you. That’s great. I wasn’t looking for this. It just happened.
Cookie: How did it “just happen.”
I could tell Cookie was fired up when she gave me the finger quotes. There was a time when Cookie and I never fought over everything. But over time, she’d come to understand that it was better to be more upfront with me about her opinions. She had taken the kid gloves off. As soon as she hit those finger quotes, she went to crossing her arms again. This was a different kind of Cookie. A cloud blocked the sun enough that the rays no longer illuminated her in the same way. This wasn’t the same angel anymore.
Jordan: It did!
Cookie: How long after you and Sierra broke it off did you know you wanted to date Dawn.
I laughed and then cringed again.
Cookie: Oh god… how long?
Jordan: Less than a day…
Cookie: Kylie… wow…
Jordan: Come on. Sierra and I were going nowhere. We both knew it. It was so easy to end things without any major problems.
Cookie: One day, Kylie. One day. That’s unbelievable.
Jordan: Why do you care so much? I’m happy. I like spending time with Dawn.
Cookie: What happens when that fades off? You going to tell me you’re dating… Britt next?
Jordan: Woah… that’s too damn far, Ethel!
Cookie: Well, I’m a little shocked to hear you’re dating Abi’s sister. How do you think Abi will react to that?
I stopped in my tracks and shook my head before looking away from her. Hornelius and Bunny were listening but pretending not to. I let out a big sigh and looked down as Cookie stepped closer.
Cookie: I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. I just hate seeing you hurt. I’ve seen you hurt and it kills me. My heart hurts over it.
Cookie shook her head and put an arm around me to pull me into her in a side hug.
Cookie: I don’t want to come off mean, but I also don’t want to sugarcoat this… when it comes to relationships. You’re–
Jordan: I know…
Cookie: Not great at them. You suck at them. You’ve jumped from one to the next for as long as I’ve known you. Even before we were friends. I mean, I was there to watch you move in with Kath as a friend and start sleeping with her in like a week.
Jordan: Come on! It was months!
Cookie: Eh… maybe in dog years.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. I crossed my arms now with Cookie hanging on to me.
Cookie: Listen, I shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of this. Can we just forget this little argument and have some fun?
I shook my head and then Cookie started to shake me and make faces until I started to laugh. You know when you have those people it’s hard to stay mad at? She’s fucking impossible to stay mad at.
Cookie: I’m not going to tell you what to do. You do you, Kylie. But, maybe… think about what I said. And maybe be honest with yourself. And be honest with Dawn, too. Try not to let yourself get hurt, ok?
I nodded and she kissed me on the forehead and gave me a squeeze. As I watched her walk away, my mind did fill with the doubt related to what she had just brought up. Maybe I was jumping into things too fast. But then I smirked to myself as I thought more about it and that doubt seemed to vanish completely. I wasn’t going to let anyone influence how I did things anymore. I love Cookie. This is my best friend we’re talking about. But it doesn’t mean she knows what’s best for me. Or Dave or Bree or anyone.
I’d learned a lot of lessons over the past few years. But the one I kept learning over and over was that I need to take care of myself first. After that, everything will fall in line. Dawn was something I wanted. So I was going to do it. Nicole was a match I wanted. So I was going to take it. Konrad was someone I wanted to shut the fuck up. So I was going to make sure I accomplished that. Time to end this zipper head fiasco once and for all.
Promo
A camera turns on and Jordan Majors is shown adjusting it. She takes a few steps away and looks at a kendo stick in her hands before she swings with two hands at a punching bag over and over until the stick splinters. She tosses it away and then approaches the camera. She’s drenched in sweat, her hands taped, as she reaches for a chair and unfolds it to sit down. She adjusts the camera to focus on her and then leans forward with her hands folded together.
Konrad. Our time has come. For a long time now, you have been a thorn in the side of me and many of my friends. All at the direction of the girl that holds your leash, your very power and individuality, in her small hands. I don’t know what happened to you, how an honorable man goes from what you were to what you are now. Ok, maybe I have a small idea, but I can assure it’s not worth it. Nothing you have done since has been worth what you gave up. You’ve become someone’s whipping boy. Their slave. And I’m sure all it gets you is an occasional taste of what you really wanted all along. Maybe that’s all it took for you. But let yourself think about this, Konrad. What’s her end goal? What comes of you when she grows tired?
You’re a grown ass man playing with a girl. A power hungry girl that grows bored very quickly. Do you think she loves you? Do you think she really desires you the way you do her? Maybe you’re fine with the exchange at hand here, where she gives you a piece here and there and you give her your entire self in service. You might be the only poor sap left that doesn’t see the expiration date coming. It’s going to be a painful revelation for you when you realize this all died right before your very eyes. You’ve sacrificed everything for that woman. In the end, she’ll give up nothing when she drops you on your ass.
Jordan lifts her hand up and pulls at the hand tape with her teeth until it rips.
Now, Konnie, you’re probably thinking “this stupid, cunt bitch isn’t even thinking about me right now because she’s grown obsessed with that creature Nicole.” Was I close? It feels like that’s about all you do now is just cream obscenities and call names. My question is, when are you ever going to make a point? About anything? It’s true that last week I personally called out Nicole for Rise to Greatness. I called my shot. But I’ve still got time to kick your ass to the curb this week and remind you exactly what I think of your role in this war from the last several months.
I welcome you to unzip your mask and hurl everything you have at me. I will be waiting to rip that zipper off your face and shove down your throat. I want to hear the unmuffled moans and groans of every chair and kendo stick and whatever else I can hit you with. The truth is I wanted this match. You might have been excited thinking someone was doing you a favor, but I volunteered for this because I have something I need to unleash before I turn my attention to Rise to Greatness. I need to end this facade that is you. You have taken my friend’s vehicle. You have broken my friend’s leg. You have helped kidnap people. You have attempted to humiliate me. And now you will pay for it.
You can see that Jordan is unwrapping the tape from her hand slowly. She looks down at her hands and smiles. She shrugs.
I think when they pulled that leather over your eyes and zipped your mouth shut you thought it made you more powerful. They put that collar around you and you decided everything you were doing suddenly had a purpose. You’ve taken false comfort in the idea that I had one foot in and one foot out of this thing. You think to yourself, Minerva beat her. She took away every ounce of confidence she had left. But you’d be mistaken. Look at what I just did at Taking Hold of the Flame. I proved last year’s match wasn’t a fluke. I did it all over again. And no amount of chaos you and the rest of your band of idiots tried to cause held me down. But I want this. Think about that, Konrad. As much as you want to hurt me, I want to hurt you more. I told my friends, I have something else I want at Rise to Greatness. But I want this, first.
She smiles and shakes her head.
I know you’ll come back at me with a tirade full of you calling me a diseased slut, a cunt, a bitch… all the swear-laden insults in the book. But none of that shit talking is going to stop me from giving you a Grade A ass beating on Breakdown. It’s only going to fuel me more. All those wise cracks about my past. Your buddies are calling me a failure. All of that is going to be channeled into this match. You saw me break that kendo stick before I started talking? It’s going to be much easier for me to hit you even harder.
Here’s the thing about us, too. We’ve fought battles on all sides of the coins. I remember specifically a time when I was wild. I was doing and saying whatever I wanted to. Throwing money at everything. And you? You were calling me out on it. You told me you had no respect for my actions. I’m not that person anymore. Right after I won the Adrenaline title, we fought and suddenly there was this common respect. For ability. For actions. For everything. Here we are a year later and you are unrecognizable. While I became a better person than before, you sold your soul down the river.
Jordan lets out a sigh and then leans back into her chair and crosses her arms.
I respect you as a fighter. I respect your skills. But I can never support someone who sells themselves out the way you did. Look at yourself? You’re a characterture of the man you were before. Who hurt you to turn you into this? So this is what we’re going to do. You’re going to walk yourself down to the ring and I will either beat some respect back into you or I’ll beat every last ounce of respect you have left out of you. My friends are still fighting a war here. I’m going to do everything I can to effectively take you out of it.
She stands and paces back and forth as she speaks.
Your whole group thinks I’m ashamed of the things I’ve done in my career. That I’m a failure. I’m not scared of failure. I’m scared of what I might do to someone who keeps pushing my buttons the way you all have. You might think you’re some sort of formidable force on Twitter. But this is the ring, Konrad. You can have the social media battlefield. I want to kick your ass in front of the world with my fists, not my words. I’m a woman of action. I’ve been pushed to a point where I must react. What happens on this show is just the spoils of war as far as I’m concerned.
Jordan stops and kneels down as she looks into the camera.
I might have taken myself out of this last week when I made it clear that I plan to challenge someone else at Rise to Greatness. But I’m not done with you yet Konrad. This week, I will put an exclamation point on my involvement in this war between good and evil. And some day, very soon, you will look back on this and realize it gained you nothing. It will go down as the darkest point of your entire career. You will never forget what I did to you in this match, Konrad Rabb. I will hurt you mentally and physically. Nicole Kinneck lit a fire inside of me at Taking Hold of the Flame. And now you’re about to be burned.
I’m going to break your spirit this week, Konrad. I’m going to whip your harder than Minerva has ever thought of doing. You can take that to the bank. Because Jordan Majors IS money.
Instead of winking and blowing a kiss, Jordan stands up and picks up another kendo stick. She takes a few steps toward the punching bag and swings so hard the stick splits on impact. She spikes the stick into the ground and walks out of the frame before the video ends abruptly.
Everything You Wish You Could Be 