July 8, 2020 – Missouri
As hard as I tried not to focus on this whole television role thing, it was locked in my mind. Rise to Greatness was coming soon and in the shadow of quite possibly the biggest match of my entire career loomed this potentially life-changing decision. I could become a bonafide television star. Or at least I would be on TV. There were no guarantees. It felt like almost a sure thing that if I did this I would be saying goodbye to Kath. Every time I thought about that I had to practically smack myself out of it. But it was kind of frustrating to be in a position where I felt like I had to choose one positive thing over the other. My heart was actually telling me to pass on it. Maybe something else would come up. My mind was saying to take this. If things between us were right, maybe she’d still want it in a few months when I came back. Maybe that would have worked before everything got so intense. Now we were in a position like taking candy from a little sugared up child. Someone was bound to cry or throw a tantrum if this was ripped out from under them at this point.
It probably didn’t help that this week, of all weeks, was the one I decided to jump back on to the house show circuit. They were calling it the Road to Rise to Greatness Tour. I was already calling it the Take Me Away From My Girlfriend Tour. I still wasn’t going to work the whole week anyways. I was flying to England on Saturday to spend a few days with Kath and see her debut in Emerge. So that was exciting. But now I was stuck without her and sat doing nothing but thinking about a decision I needed to most likely make by the end of this week which was… shit… one day away. The only positive about today was that Cookie and I were being paired up to make an appearance. Part of living the face live I suppose. Fans want to meet and greet the good guys and girls. Except for those rare few that were obsessed with the ruthlessness of a Bree Lancaster or something. Cookie and I had to go to this local barbeque restaurant to sign autographs and take pictures in Springfield before that night’s show. As we rode there I started to think about how far Cookie and I have come as friends. Around this time a year ago I had made a pretty empty promise to make a donation to charity in Cookie’s name. I gave it to a charity that was basically a tax shelter for me. Padding my own pockets like a complete asshole. I brought it up casually, but Cookie waved it off. People didn’t understand the grace of this woman. She pointed out that Kablam had a great year and she had made a donation in my name from their company funds. She said it wasn’t necessary. She was a saint. I couldn’t let it stand.
Jordan: Ok, like… thanks. But Cookie, I want to make up for it. I want to donate for real.
Cookie: Well that’s great. Helping those less fortunate than us is the most beautiful thing we can do if you ask me.
Jordan: So, how much money does Kablam Labs make? I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I was curious if you don’t mind me asking.
Cookie: That’s a very interesting question. Are you asking because you’re looking to invest?
I let out a hearty laugh and turned in the seat to look at her.
Jordan: No, no, no. If I invest in something again, I’m going to be part of doing it myself. Like… a joint venture at most. I’m done investing in anything other than myself.
Cookie: Or our food order?
Jordan: Of course, or that. But seriously, girl to girl… how much do y’all make?
Cookie pulled out her phone and seemed to be pondering something while she swiped through a few screens. She leaned toward me to show me something on her phone and I saw an account balance. The amount of zeros I saw nearly made me choke on my own saliva. I had no idea how much that empire was thriving. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe just a year ago I was trying to dupe such a perfect soul. I treated her like she was an idiot. So many do. But Cookie has proven to be one of the smartest, kindest, gentelest, and most open people I’d come to know. I really felt lucky to have her in my life and it made me wonder if I really knew what a friend was before this. I was surrounded by people who only cared about themselves and their small group. Cookie cared deeply about a lot of things. She was rubbing off on me, too. I needed it.
There was already a decent crowd when we arrived in a black suburban with dark tinted windows like we were some sort of foreign dignitaries. All we needed was little flags with the SCW logo on it and we would have looked like that was what we were. They ushered us through the back of the restaurant and into a manager’s office so we could prepare ourselves for the onslaught of people who would be surrounding us in 15 or 20 minutes. I sat down in an office chair and swiveled to the side while Cookie played on her phone and leaned forward and sighed. I took my glasses off and then I put my face down in my hands and felt a hand grasp my shoulder. I knew it was Cookie.
Cookie: Don’t mess up your makeup girl. These people are going to be taking photos of us.
I raised my head to see her smiling. She kinda stuck her tongue out and gave my shoulder a squeeze.
Cookie: What’s wrong? You were kind of quiet on the ride over.
I put my glasses back on and leaned back in the chair as her hand retreated back to her side.
Cookie: If this is complicated, we’re gonna have to call Kahlil. He has the answer to everything.
Jordan: Did I tell you that I read for a part on a television show? Like the main part? Sort of…
Cookie’s eyes grew wide and then she suddenly looked confused.
Cookie: But I thought you were already on TV?
Jordan: I mean, I guess you could say we’re on TV every week, right?
Cookie: No that isn’t it… Kahlil had said something about you that…
Cookie stopped in her tracks and then just looked at me like maybe she shouldn’t say what was next. Then she smiled and gave me those big eyes that were equal parts adorable and insane at the same time. Almost like she could murder you with a look.
Jordan: What?
Cookie: So what about the part?
Jordan: Oh… well. They offered me the part!
Cookie got excited and jumped up and down. My eyes were definitely distracted by what else was jumping up and down right in front of my face. It was almost hypnotizing if I’m being honest about it. Then my mind went to deeply dark places about how Derek must have hypnotized Cookie into his life and I had to kick myself out of it in fear of what I might think about next.
Cookie: Ok, but wait? This should be good news, right? Like this is pretty big for your career. And it could be really big for that other venture you and I have been talking about. You know, our “special” product line that the fanboys will absolutely eat up.
Jordan: And fangirls!
Cookie: Oh, of course. Those ones that definitely might exist…
I laughed and gave that an eye roll knowing it wasn’t completely untrue. The girls that would be into what we might be pitching someday would be few and far between. But ah well, it would be a blast alongside someone who had definitely become my best friend.
Jordan: Anyway, it might not be good news because of what comes with it. They want me to move to Toronto.
Cookie: Japan? Oh, can you take some of my underwear with you so I don’t have to ship it?
Jordan: Are you still doing that?
Cookie: Maybe…
Jordan: And I think you’re thinking of Tokyo.
Cookie: Ah, so they want you to go to Tokyo, Canada?
Jordan: Next trip to Canada, remind me to help you book travel just in case.
Cookie: Bitch, I’m not a child! Derek does that for me.
Cookie just shrugged at me and then sat down on a counter.
Cookie: You’re getting off track here because of geography. Tell me what could be so bad about Tokyo.
Jordan: It’s Toronto and… you’re right. Not important. Filming is 2-3 months.
Cookie: That sounds very simple and easy. Like you’re barely going to be there. I’ve had KABLAM sessions that lasted longer.
Jordan: Ew? I think?
Cookie giggled and brushed some of that long blonde hair away from her face to reveal that bright smile on it.
Cookie: It’s not what you’re thinking, obviously. Derek can only go about 15 minutes and then he needs…
Jordan: Too many details, boo! I don’t need to know!
Cookie: Come on, lighten up. We should be able to talk about this stuff.
Jordan: You’re right. I’m working on it.
Cookie: Like, tell me about your favorite part of Kath’s kitty. What makes it purr?
Jordan: Hold on… hold on! We were talking about this other thing. In Tokyo. And speaking of Kath, she’s my concern here. Am I really ready to leave what we have going on to film for as long as three months?
I sighed even at the thought and looked at Cookie. She tilted her head as she watched me. She wasn’t smiling any longer. She was feeling me out. She was being empathetic.
Cookie: Ok, but this show could be huge for you. Think about it for a moment. If it goes well it could open up so many opportunities for you. If it doesn’t go well? So what. Chalk it up as a loss and move on to the next thing. You know how to do that. But real question for a minute… are you and Kath that serious already?
Jordan: What do you mean?
Cookie: Have you told her that you love her?
I paused before I answered and sat there looking back at her with a blank expression. I couldn’t even begin to find the words I needed to answer her. There was a knock on the door and a man opened it and poked his head in. Cookie held up one finger without looking his way.
Cookie: Girl talk, bro. Hold on.
He shut the door and Cookie raised her brows.
Cookie: Have you? Because you and I both know that you already do. You talk about her constantly when we’re on the road. It doesn’t bother me at all because I understand. I have Derek and KABLAMTRON4000.
Jordan: I haven’t.
Cookie: That’s the truth of what’s happening here. You haven’t told her how you completely feel. This is like… it’s regret. You don’t know if you’re ready and you’re worried it’s too quick because of all the shit that has happened in your past. I get it, sweetie. I really do. The one thing I’ve noticed about you is you learn from your mistakes, yet you’re still scared of repeating them. It causes you to drag your feet sometimes. Well, you only get to do this once before you become a sentient being or a cyborg in space or something, so you have to take a freaking chance.
Jordan: I know! I know it. I’m ready, but… I don’t know if she’s ready. This is the most unique thing I’ve ever been a part of. She had a 10-year-old kid. Like… what the hell am I gonna do as a stepmom?
Cookie’s eyes grow wide and she starts to laugh.
Cookie: Oh my god!? Step mom? Babe you are in deep if you really just uttered those words.
Shit. She was right. I didn’t even mean to say that.
Jordan: I always think about the future and the repercussions of decisions. It’s why it took me so damn long to decide what to do about Sienna and Jake.
Cookie: I like to think I had something to do with that…
I laughed and shook my head, standing up and fixing my shirt back down over my sweats.
Jordan: I’m not trying to think that far ahead. But it is realistic if we stay together that this kid is going to be exposed to his mom being in a relationship with a woman. Imagine having to deal with having Kath, Regan and me as your mom.
Cookie seemed to shudder at the thought and shook her head no.
Jordan: Maybe I’m being too careful.
Cookie: You need to tell her. Stop living in the past. Stop trying to see the future before it happens. You need to live in the moment that is happening right now. If this is meant to be, it will survive Tokyo. It’s not my favorite place in Canada, but…
There is another knock on the door and the man waved us on and we followed him toward a table set up in the restaurant.
Cookie: I like London.
Jordan: England?
Cookie: No, London, Canada.
Jordan: I think you’re confused.
Man: No, she’s right. It’s in Ontario.
Jordan: No shit?
Cookie laughs at me as we reach the tables and I adjust my glasses and sit down, throwing my braided hair to my left shoulder. Cookie leaned toward me.
Cookie: Ok, but seriously. What do you like so much about Kath’s kitty? It must be really freaking special to have you this hooked.
I laughed hard enough that I snorted and had to cover my face knowing people were already taking photos of us from their spots in line that roped out the front doors of the building and around the corner.
Child: I have a kitty! It’s a Tabby!
Cookie and I both fixed our eyes on the small child in front of us holding a picture of Cookie in her hands.
Cookie: Crap… right… we’re doing a signing.
Cookie tried to be quiet, still leaned in close before she waved the kid toward her.
Cookie: Come here, sweet girl!
I watched as Cookie signed an autograph and questioned what was wrong with me that the girl just walked away without acknowledging me. Cookie seemed to pick up on it and began to laugh.
Cookie: She totally didn’t recognize you with those glasses. Probably thought you were my manager or some cute girl that is my friend.
She was still chuckling as the people started coming forward one at a time. After a few people had come through and I’d had time to think about it, I stopped Cookie before we sat back down after a photo with a way too excited guy that couldn’t stop ogling Cookie’s chest.
Jordan: I think you’re right. I have to take chances. I’m going to take a big leap of faith. I’m going to tell her how I feel and I’m going to take this part and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure we survive this.
Cookie: Great!
Cookie grabbed a huge handful of my ass right in front of the whole crowd before we both put out butts back in the chairs and then she leaned in to me before the next guy could come up to us.
Cookie: And if it doesn’t work out, Kahlil already told me he has run a few equations through his brain that can tell him who you should date next.
Jordan: What?
I looked at Cookie curiously as the next fan reached us and then snapped out of it to get back to signing. There was a good chance that this would all blow up in my face spectacularly. But I was going to give it a shot. Cookie had me thinking I was just overthinking everything. She lived for the moment and look at her. She’s fucking fabulous. I could see why people admired her so much and I was reminded why I trusted her with everything. A few months ago I was still very much this girl in a shell just going through the motions and trying to make the next right decision. Now I had so much in front of me and Cookie was teaching me to love all of it. Now I had to figure out what it really meant for Kath and me. When Cookie and I wrapped the signing, I called Karen with Cookie sitting in the car with me. I accepted the part. Now I just had to figure everything else out.
July 12, 2020 – Cardiff, Wales
By the time I got to the UK, much of the weekend was already behind us. We knew that would be the case the entire time, but it still made everything feel like it was flying by too fast. Kath and I did a little exploring in the area. No one was recognizing us or following us around like they were when we traveled for an SCW event. And it was all interesting because this time I was watching the way someone else travels and prepares. Kath had never come to watch me at a show, in part because of her schedule, and this was going to be the first time she was back in the ring in quite awhile. I could tell she was confident, but nervous. To this point I still hadn’t quite told her that I’d decided to take the role in the television show. I wasn’t really sure how that would go. If I went back a few months ago when I was engaged, I imagine the decision wouldn’t have meant much. Jaina wasn’t tied down to anything. She could do whatever she wants. I imagine she would probably have gone with me to Tokyo. Shit, Toronto. Now Cookie had me doing it.
After a day of walking around, we settled on a restaurant that looked small and a bit romantic. With the sun going down we sat down on the inside in a dimly lit room with a candle on the table. Our drinks and food were ordered. Smiles and a bit of small talk has been exchanged. I leaned down on the table and looked off to the side before I laughed.
Kathryn: What is it?
Jordan: I was just thinking about something from the other day.
Kathryn: Yeah?
Jordan: Cookie and I misunderstood each other and she started telling me about how long Derek can last in bed.
Kathryn: … Ew?
I laughed, almost snorting, and covered my face with a hand to control how loud it was coming out.
Jordan: And then she asked about your “kitty” and what I like about it. She thinks as best friend types we should be able to talk about that kind of stuff freely.
Kath nodded with a questioning look on her face and took a drink from the glass of wine in front of her. Then she smiled.
Kathryn: So what is it?
Jordan: Huh?
Kathryn: That you like about my kitty?
I felt my cheeks burning a bit red as I blushed. Kath was so fucking confident sometimes it killed me. That smile had turned into a wide grin and it hadn’t left her face. She knew exactly which buttons she was pushing.
Jordan: Uhh… is everything an option?
Kathryn: I’ll allow it, I guess. Even if it is a cop out of sorts.
Jordan: Can you blame me for pandering to such a hottie?
Kath laughed and rolled her eyes. She leaned forward against the table.
Kathryn: You pander too much and I’m going to have to do something about it…
This time she had a smile that was a little bit different. It was a mix of lust and hunger. The passion in it was dripping from her lips. I bit my lip and grinned back at her. There was a quiet moment between us where we said nothing, but the looks back and forth said so much. The only thing that broke it was our plates being sat in front of us. As we began to dig into the food we’d ordered, the conversation took a turn that I knew was coming but still wasn’t quite ready to answer for.
Kathryn: So what happened with the tv role. You haven’t said anything yet…
Jordan: I probably should have.
Kathryn: Oh? You already made a decision? Why didn’t you say something?
I let out a sigh and sat my fork on the table and then leaned forward as I looked across the table at her.
Jordan: I was talking to Cookie about this and…
Kathryn: Cookie helped you decide?
I shot her a glance and she knew she needed to let me finish. And also that questioning Cookie was not a good move in this conversation.
Jordan: The thing about Cookie is that while she can be goofy and funny, she has this way of just breaking things down for me and helping me get to the solution. She pointed something out and I think it’s true. I’m always concerned with what could happen. I sit here and I try to come up with the worst case scenario. When I thought about this role and moving to Tok… Toronto, all that came to mind was how much time that would be away from you.
Kathryn: That’s all I’ve thought about, too…
Jordan: And the thing is, I think that way because I’m always worried. What if I took this part and I had to be away for three month?. Does that end everything between us? We’re in this phase of whatever we’ve got going on between us that feels like it would be forever fractured by a decision to stay away from each other for a few months. It scares me, to be honest. Because I already know how I feel about you. Even if I haven’t completely said it in so many words. I don’t know if you’re ready to hear that or not. This is where Cookie really came in.
I watched as Kath leaned back into her chair, listening intently and crossing her arms as she hung on every word that slipped from my lips.
Jordan: I need to stop living in the past and worrying about it so much. I need to stop trying to predict the future. I have to live in the moment right now and I have to believe in the decisions I make. So on Friday, after a lot of thought and deliberation, I contacted Karen and told her to let the studio know that I was taking the role.
Kath nodded at the statement. She smiled. She had told me I had to take the role, but I could tell it took the air right out of her. I could tell there was a part of Kath that believed I should take the role, but also that I probably shouldn’t take it. Because she wanted me to stay with her.
Jordan: I don’t want you to think I’m taking this role because I want things between us to go south. This is a gigantic opportunity for me. If this goes well, then who knows what comes next. If I suck or the show is terrible, then so what. Chalk it up as a loss and move on.
Kathryn: And you think you could do that?
Her question made me tilt my head like a confused and curious kitten.
Jordan: What do you mean?
Kathryn: I’ve been around you long enough to know that your past haunts you. Even if it makes you stronger. You over analyze everything that goes wrong. I believe that you can do this. But I also know it might not be as easy as you just saying you’re going to do this. And I am worried that you do this and nothing is ever the same. I understand we still haven’t figured out what this really is between us but…
Kath shook her head and let out a deep sigh. It was hard to watch her knowing that she was not taking this well at all. I felt a great amount of regret over the fact that I hadn’t already told her all of this by now. And now she was trying to be rational about all of this. I couldn’t help but look down and smile. For her part, Kath looked like she was about to say something but now she was sitting there quietly and wondering why I looked so happy.
Kathryn: How can you be sitting there and smiling about this?
Jordan: I don’t know, babe. I just… I love you.
Kath looked like she’d seen a ghost. Not in her color, but in the shock on her face. It didn’t take even a moment for her to register what I had said. To think Cookie and I couldn’t find a ghost or UFOs or anything fun, but three words had broken Kath. She didn’t know how to respond. I raised my brows a little bit and nervously laughed.
Jordan: Is it ok that I said that?
Kathryn: Yeah it… yeah. Kylie I’m a little shocked.
Jordan: Is this the equivalent of you saying thank you? Aww? I appreciate that?
Kathryn: No. Kylie… I love you, too.
My cheeks burned red again. I bit my lip and looked down. No one was eating now. Just two people quietly smiling to themselves. It was like some high school shit or something. Kath was so taken back by my boldness here. Cookie was right. She’d called it. I took a chance and it worked.
Jordan: I was also thinking, I don’t want to do this anymore where we don’t define all of this. I want us to have an honest, fighting chance. You’re my girlfriend. There’s no other way I want it right now. I know you didn’t want to rush things. Maybe this isn’t what you want, but it is what I want.
Kathryn: Where’s all this new confidence coming from?
Jordan: What do you mean?
Kathryn: It wasn’t that long ago that you couldn’t even tell me that you had feelings about me. Now I get the L word and girlfriend in a matter of moments.
Jordan: Is it not ok with you?
Kathryn: It’s perfect!
Kath placed her hand on the table as if to reach for me. I stretched my hand out and she grabbed it and squeezed it tightly. It was a comforting moment. At the same time, I was a little shocked at just how right my best friend was about this whole situation. I was a little skeptical when she made the suggestion, but I trusted her enough to try it. I put myself out there. I nailed it. I felt good about it.
Kathryn: There’s still the issue though. Of the show.
I looked at our hands on the table and then up at Kath’s eyes. I smiled and shrugged, a soft laugh escaping my lips.
Jordan: We’ll figure it out. I think we can figure out anything if we do it together.
Kathryn: Careful, Kylie Majors. When you talk like that it sounds like you’re talking about some real commitment here.
I laughed and slowly pulled my hand back to fold my arms together and lean against the table.
Jordan: Maybe I am?
I grinned ear to ear at Kath and watched as she shook her head and picked up her fork and started digging back at the food on her plate. Kath and I finished that meal and had a wonderful night back at the hotel. I’m not sure we left the room, actually, until she needed to make her way to her Emerge match. It was amazing watching her back in the ring. Of course I had seen her in the past and I knew what she was capable of. I knew how talented she was from seeing her back in the day. But seeing this newfound energy she had in the ring was incredible. I enjoyed every minute of watching her fight. And when it was done, we got together and started traveling back. The worst part was knowing exactly how busy the next few weeks would be. But I was focused on what was coming. And I was ready. I had to get past this before I could focus on what was next.
July 14, 2020 – Washington DC
The day before the next Breakdown I received an early morning text that sort of surprised me. It was Josh Hudson. He and I hadn’t had a real conversation in awhile. Not since I’d learned about what happened to our joint venture wrestling company IFW. I set up something for that night at the hotel bar. I went through my typical schedule on Tuesdays to this point. I kissed my loving, well girlfriend now, goodbye and made my way to fly on the Helms airplane to Washington D.C. I met Cookie for dinner that night and told her it would need to be a shorter dinner than usual because I had a late night business meeting. Basically, no burning the midnight oil with margaritas and tequila shots.
Cookie: Hudson? I’ve seen this movie. Hand me your checkbook.
Jordan: What?
Cookie: And your credit cards. Hand me all your money!
I couldn’t help but laugh. I also left my checkbook with her and hoped I didn’t find out I’d bought a suite of Kablam products while I attended a business meeting of sorts. After that fun was had and too many margaritas were drunk regardless, I arrived at the hotel bar and saw the unmistakable outline of Josh Hudson sitting at the bar. This time his shoulders seemed a little more slumped than I was used to. As I took a seat next to him, I saw he’d already taken the honor of ordering me a glass of straight whiskey. I giggled to myself and he turned slightly to look at me.
Josh: Something funny, Jordan?
Jordan: I was just thinking about how if I showed up at the bar with Asher Hayes he’d probably have bought me a drink to try and fuck me. But where I’ve already been drinking to this part, I’m assuming you mean business with this. You didn’t REALLY tell me what you wanted to meet me about.
Josh brought his glass to his lips and took a sip.
Josh: What makes you think I’m not? You know?
Jordan: Well, Erica for one. I don’t see her around but for some reason I thought the two of you liked to share. And, you actually respect the fact that I don’t roll that way. Seriously, what’s going on.
I watched as he swirled the amber liquid in his glass and then set it down on the counter before letting out a sigh.
Josh: I wanted to sort of clear the air between us before we fight alongside each other.
I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.
Jordan: That’s not even the least bit necessary.
Josh: It is for me. I need to get something off of my chest.
I thought about protesting again, but chose to just stay quiet. I grabbed my own glass and took a drink, the liquid stinging my throat as it slowly trickled down.
Josh: I don’t want you to think I just blew all of your money. IFW had a chance, but shit went sideways for me. Personally. I, uh…
Josh sighed and seemed like he was struggling to get his next words out. He looked away from me and down at the bar in front of him.
Josh: The night of the very first IFW show, my sister killed herself…
I felt a lump in my throat and without hesitation I reached out and touched his shoulder. From the angle it took quite an effort for me to reach that high, but the challenge of it wasn’t something that was even crossing my mind. I didn’t know a lot about Josh. I didn’t know he had a sister. But all you needed to be was a decent human being to know that it was terrible. Tragic, even. I guess in that moment it was the only thing I could think to do, and then I uttered the words that everyone seems to.
Jordan: Oh… Josh… I’m sorry I didn’t realize.
Josh: I’m working on getting through it, but it’s important for me to make sure you know that your investment in this wasn’t just thrown away. It was not some brash decision that I didn’t put any thought into. I wanted it to keep going, but there was no one in a position to run it. I should have reached out and given you a heads up, but I didn’t know what to do.
I pulled my hand back away and returned it to the glass on the bar in front of me.
Jordan: You know… I’ll admit when I first found out what happened I was pissed. Not really at you. I was just pissed because it felt like a string of mistakes that were my fault. In the span of just a few months I burned through way too much money. And even with the securities and the insurance on some of it, there just wasn’t much of a return. I’m young. I didn;t grow up with this kind of money. I’ve tried to stop myself from just freely spending. But I wish I had known the rest of the story to why IFW fell.
Josh: What would it have changed? What could you do? You were so wrapped up in all the things going on in your personal life that I didn’t want to make you feel guilty over something that’s not remotely your fault. I don’t know you that well, but I know enough to know how you deal with things on a personal level. This wasn’t your cross to bear.
Jordan: Just my cash to lose, right?
He looked away and shook his head, taking a drink. He looked pissed at the way I said it. I took a drink, too, and followed with a sigh. Both from the drink and from the situation at hand.
Jordan: I didn’t mean that as a shot at you or anything. Just trying to make light of it if I can. It’s just money. It was never my money in the first place. Granted, I’m trying to be smarter with it and also not spend it all spoiling a 10-year-old kid.
Josh: The hell you talking about?
I turned to see him giving the exact expression you’d imagine would go with that face. What I said must have come off a little strange to him. He was still staring at me.
Jordan: It’s uh, my girlfriend’s kid.
Josh: Ah…
Josh took a drink and looked away. Then he turned right back. He must have done some math in his head and had a question.
Josh: You’re dating someone with a 10-year-old kid? I have a kid about that old so how old is your girlfriend?
Jordan: What does that matter?
Josh: It doesn’t… I was just gonna be a little surprised to hear you were dating someone as old as me.
Josh laughed for a moment, swirling his drink around and sitting it on the table. I did the math in my head and realized she was a couple years younger than him.
Josh: I was sorry to hear about all of that, by the way. I’d assume you struggled a lot with all of that. I know what it’s like to get sprung by someone in that family. Fucking assholes a lot of them are. But I guess you know that as well as any of us. Them are their friends are basically all the same, too.
I shook my head.
Jordan: Honestly… a lot of that was my fault. I was sneaking off and hanging out with Abigail Lindsay.
Josh: The Lohan girl? You gotta watch out for that bunch.
Jordan: Is there any bunch that I shouldn’t watch out for?
Josh: Probably not.
I smiled and looked down at my drink before a laugh slipped out. In a lot of ways what he said felt true. Although I’d come to feel like I could trust the Helms family. David and Regan were there if I needed them as were the rest of that family for the most part. It might have been more because of Kath than it was me. Or maybe people felt bad for me and it was just charity. I was just an orphan because of the situation. I put an elbow down against the bar and leaned on my hand as I looked at Josh.
Jordan: Are we ready for this?
Josh: Let me text Erica and see if the room is ready.
Jordan: No… asshole. This match. Are we ready for it?
Josh shrugged his shoulders and looked down to his drink.
Josh: We don’t have a choice otherwise. The whole world wants us to kick their asses. They’ve all been fucking with you for months. I want at Sienna. Dave wants at Bree. All three of them want the chance to murder you.
I ran my thumb along the rim of the glass and thought about it. I had said some pretty unforgivable things about Sienna over the last few months. None of it was false. I’d also gone as far as calling Chris a bitch. But any motivation Bree could have to come after me felt puzzling. I’d done nothing to her. I’d been loyal up until the last moment when I attacked Sienna. But that one moment turned everything on its head for me. What did it do to her? Prove Sienna’s doubts about me wrong and cast Bree in a bad light? I wasn’t sure. I muttered under my breath and shook my head.
Josh: What’s going on?
Jordan: I’m a little worried about everything coming up.
Josh: What are you worried about?
I brought the glass to my lips and took a drink.
Jordan: Failing. Fucking this all up. Proving Sienna right.
Josh turned in his stool and looked at me. He shook his head no.
Josh: If you let yourself think that way, then she’s already won. You’ve already proven her right. Why be worried about failing?
Jordan: I don’t know. I took a big chance when I decided not to follow the “Beauty Factory Way” anymore. The whole idea for Sienna is going to be to shut me up once and for all.
Josh: You’re talking about that match like it’s life or death. Even if it’s only your career that’s concerned. Look at someone like me. I’m still doing this shit after all this time. I still look as good as most of the men doing it. I’m still better than most of the roster. And I’ve taken more beatings than you’d believe.
Jordan: You’re a fucking legend, man. What am I? I’m practically batting out of my league just to be put in a match with a multi-time world champion at Rise to Greatness. This match means the world to me.
Josh: If this didn’t mean that much to you, you wouldn’t be human. When I set out to start IFW, I never had eyes on you as an investor. You decided that all on your own. I was looking around at the landscape of talent and looking for people that could turn into stars on my brand. I knew you could be that star. It just so happened that you also showed up on the list of people in the business with the kind of financial standing to support the company in other ways, too. You’re capable of beating Sienna. You could do this. You just have to believe it. Stop letting them all have so much power over you.
Josh was right. Of course he was. I could manage this. I wasn’t worried that I wouldn’t be able to bring the fight. I was worried about what it would mean if I didn’t succeed. Failure and uncertainty was what I thought about. But I guess that also went along with what Cookie had said. If I got caught thinking into the future, I was in trouble. It had to be about right now. I reached forward and grabbed my glass and shot the rest of the liquid down my throat, following it up with a hearty cough. Hudson laughed.
Josh: Easy girl!
I laughed and looked back over his way once more.
Jordan: I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure we beat them this week. And then to make sure I beat her at the big show. All I can do is give it everything I have, right?
Josh: And maybe everything you have in reserves, too. This is THE biggest show of the year. I know you’ll be fine.
It got quiet between us for a minute or two and I decided it was the best time to leave. I stood up from my stool and he watched me closely.
Jordan: I’m going to head to my room and get some rest. Got to be ready for whatever tomorrow brings. But… I’m sorry to hear about everything with your sister. I’m sure she was 2 or 3 times as lovely as you are if not more.
Josh smirked and shook his head at my statement.
Jordan: You’re a good guy, Josh. I bet you were the best brother she could ever ask for.
I gave Josh another touch on his shoulder as I left the bar and headed up to my hotel room. I knew I was already on the same page as David for this match. It was even better to know that Josh and I were on the right page, too. Beauty Factory is a cohesive unit so we were going to need everything we’ve got to pull off a win over that trio. It would be tricky. But I felt confident about what the three of us could do together. On the horizon was the biggest match of my career. I was coming off a loss in another one of the biggest I’ve had. I needed to send a message. I was determined. I wasn’t willing to let anyone stop me.
Promo
A camera flips on to show Jordan Majors sitting at a desk. She examines something in front of her and makes another adjustment to the camera. A pair of headphones can be seen hanging on the computer chair she’s sitting in. She smiles to the camera and pulls a microphone closer to her.
Hey everyone! It’s your favorite blonde that used to be pink, Jordan Majors. I’m still working on getting the perfect setup for the podcast idea I mentioned last time. Cookie and I are full of ideas. Especially Cookie. Her mind really is incredible! The schedule is really picking up and we’re quickly getting closer to the big season finale of sorts that is Rise to Greatness. I know many of you are extra excited for that moment and all that comes with it. There’s just no doubt that this is THE biggest moment of the year. And I fully understand why you all are so excited for what I’ll be doing this time. Believe me, I am too. But first we have to get through this week.
Jordan reaches for the camera and makes one last adjustment before leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed.
This match brings out a lot of emotions in me. I’m excited for the chance to finally be in the ring against three people who tried to steer me down a path that was most beneficial to them. I’m honored at the opportunity to team alongside two absolute legends in professional wrestling. I’m also a bit sad to know we’ve reached the point where three people will likely go out of their way to spew terrible lies about me and make attempts to destroy my character and downplay what I’ve accomplished on my own over the last year plus. The thing is, I know that comes with the territory. I know what I did to Sienna turned the tides against me all but permanently when it comes to those three. Sienna is the driving force behind this hatred, and her husband and her best friend will follow because it follows within their best interests.
She lets out a sigh and puts her hands behind her head as she leans back. She shakes her head back and forth.
Chris Cannon is someone I’ve had an awful lot to say about. I know I embarrassed him at Fatal Fortunes in a match that he was pissed off to be in from the start. But it’s just so laughable to me that I’m supposed to be afraid of him because he occasionally seems unhinged. He and his wife are just so psychopathic when it comes to making sure their own self interests are preserved. I’m not so sure Sienna wouldn’t amount to hurting someone permanently or Chris wouldn’t be sent out as her personal hit man just to be assured that they get their way in all possible ways. I thought Chris was about to prove to the world that he was taking a step past being of minion-like status to Sienna. That’s the status I was sure I would be relegated to. But what happened? After his amazing finish at Taking Hold of the Flame, he flamed out in his quest to become the US Champion. I still believe he’d be better off if he wasn’t attached to her hip, but the heart wants what it wants. So he has to do what she wants… I guess?
Jordan shrugs and drops her hands to the arm rests in the desk chair and then laughs.
The truth is I escaped. Does it really matter if I’m taking second in one of the biggest matches of the year if the follow up to that is just me being pushed back to the role of personal security or errand girl to the world’s preeminent bitch herself? Sienna is so full of her own shit at this point that I’d be shocked if she even listened to anything I said, but I’m going to say it anyways. Before Rise to Greatness I will have my moment to say what I need to say about you but for now I will say that I’m disappointed in you. Everything about you has proven to be more of an illusion. Your status, your act, your ability… so much of it is smoke and mirrors. But yet you command people around you with such an iron fist that I can’t help but admire the fact that you’ve tricked people into buying whatever shit you’re willing to sell. Is it really any shock that someone eventually figured it out and said no? They can all say what they want, they can all call it bullshit and preach that it’s equal. But you call the shots. This is all about you. Even as the World Champion, your friend somehow takes a backseat to your needs and personal drama. The people in your personal orbit are only allowed to revolve around you. I didn’t want that. So here we are. This is just the beginning of what’s to come.
Jordan leans forward and puts her arms in the desk and looks at the camera. She shakes her head and lets out a sigh.
Bree… I’ve thought a lot about what I would say to you. First off, it never had to be this way. I really saw you as a mentor, but more so as a friend. For whatever reason, I was destined to never be enough for you. I understand loyalty, despite what you think from the way things have gone down. But blind loyalty… I just… yeah… that wasn’t something I could do. Even if it was for you. I was loyal to YOU, until the end. But I’m not stupid or naive. I know exactly what I did and the long term ramifications that go with it. I fucked you over in your eyes. I took every bit of work you’d done to convince Sienna that was worth putting her faith in and I flushed it down the drain in seconds. And I’m sure in your mind it made YOU look bad. It made you look stupid. That was never the intention, it’s just collateral damage. You and I, we’ve most ignored each other to this point. A few barbs or jabs here and there in a squabble about who’s really got the story right about what did and didn’t happen. Differing opinions about the role Sienna plays in your life and career. But in the end the one thing that stays constant is that your blind loyalty for Sienna drove us apart. There’s a moment where loyalty turns to service. You bow down as well as any of them, champ.
Jordan sits up straight and holds up two fingers.
Secondly… this cost me more than your friendship and mentorship. You, of all the people around here, know how much the stability of being around your family meant to me. So think about it. If I was willing to throw all of that away, just how important do you think it was for me to make it clear to her that I was not her servant. I was not going to be her foot soldier to dispatch when she needed someone to do a favor or clear a crowd. You never expected that of me. Jaina never expected that of me. But when I made it crystal clear that I would not stand for someone else expecting me to be some kind of servant for them… y’all dropped me like spoiled groceries. Out the window, gone. I think the most disappointing part for me about you is I always expected you would be there for me. But in the end, I learned I had to be there as you wanted me to be. It came with terms. My love for you? It didn’t require anything. Maybe that’s why I still couldn’t help but send a birthday card this year.
She shakes her head slowly and then lets out a sigh. She leans to her right against the computer chair.
This match… it’s kind of crazy. I’m not so cocky that I won’t admit it almost looks like a case of which one doesn’t belong. A year ago, hell, four months ago, not a soul would imagine me being in a match like this. But here I am. And now that I’m here, I don’t plan on going anywhere. But first, I have to force a few people to make amends for what they did to me for nearly a year. The brainwashing, the manipulation, the unrealistic expectations, the unknown dues that must be paid… it’s all led to now. Let me be clear about something though. I don’t regret any of it. The mistakes I made in the past have all led to this moment. I got caught up in trying to impress someone else when all I needed to do was impress myself. I don’t know what happens this week on Breakdown, but you can be damn sure I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they all know they made a mistake in pushing me to leave them high and dry. I can prove to Sienna that she went too far. I can prove to Bree that blind loyalty isn’t the right way to go if it just means you end up on your knees. Each of you is going to find out that the girl you didn’t have enough faith in is much better off without you now. You can take that to the bank my old friends. Because Jordan Majors is money.
Jordan winks to the camera and gives it a wave before reaching forward and making the picture go black in an instant.
Everything You Wish You Could Be 