Rise to Greatness 2020 Part 1

July 20, 2020 – Santa Monica

In the days following the biggest tag match of my career, I found myself retreating back to Santa Monica to recover alongside Kath. It was nice to just refresh and focus on some time with her as Rise to Greatness and the move to Toronto loomed. We were both seemingly ignoring the obvious fact that soon enough I’d be saying my goodbye and I may be away for some time. As much as that sucked, we had pretty much agreed at this point that I needed to do it. I’d already let the world know that I was going to do it. It got a little bit of attention from wrestling newsletters and online outlets, but my peers didn’t seem to give a shit. Maybe that’s because it wasn’t very odd for any of them to find themselves on the small screen or even the big screen. The rumor was that the show would be broadcast on Thursdays. That was a double dose of me on fans’ screens every week in 2021. It was going to be something else, that’s for sure.

Ignoring the truth that I’d be leaving soon had led to a pretty amazing weekend with Kath. We mostly stayed around the house, which was perfect. The connection between us had only grown since I’d displayed a set of lady balls and told her that I loved her and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. It was only ballsy because the challenge ahead of us would likely test us. There were other challenges coming, too. Explaining this all to Jay was going to be… difficult at best I imagine. This was not something he’d seen out of his mother before. Kids seem to be more understanding these days and he’s only 10, but even I wondered if this was going to be too much for him. And that was thinking ahead, right? And maybe too much ahead. Because we were just barely together at this point and asking those questions is like asking if we have a long term future together. This relationship would be paced. Because of that we both knew it would go well. At least that’s what we believed.

Monday went a little awry from our original plans. Kath got a sudden call from the shop that something was wrong and she left me there in an emergency. About a half hour later, Kath called me in a panic and asked for a favor. She needed me to pick up Jay from school. We’d gone over some details I needed to know once in case this were to happen, but hell if I remembered all of that. Regan and Dave would usually get him on a Monday, but everyone was held up on this day for their own reasons. They called his mom and she handed it on to me. The funny thing is, I don’t drive. So I had to order an Uber that would take me to get him and then take us to Dave and Regan’s place. This was going to be fun. I ordered for the car and looked at the name of the driver. Vihaan. It seemed familiar. As the car pulled up I thought it did, too. When I stepped into the medium-sized sedan I looked into the front to see a smiling man. It was the same guy who brought me home with mascara-stained cheeks after my fight with Abigail a few months ago.

Vihaan: Misses Majors! It is you!

Jordan: Um… hi…

Vihaan put the car in drive as I secured the seatbelt around me and he began to drive us to the school.

Vihaan: I must say you look very much better today. You look as beautiful as another wrestler I saw. See, I remember you saying you were a wrestler from that last trip.

I was emotional and clearly told this man too much. I sighed and looked out the window.

Vihaan: I can’t remember who it was… hmm. Ah! Yes, you look as beautiful and youthful as Holly Adams.

I sort of sneered not knowing if that was a compliment or an insult. Holly was older than me, but a total blonde knockout.

Jordan: Thanks… uhh…

Vihaan: It’s Vihaan… remember? That’s my name.

Jordan: Yeah it was on the app, but —

Vihaan: So remember the girl I had told you about last time? She still has been giving me these looks that make me think she’d like for me to make a move, but I’m not sure what to do about that. How do you let men know you are interested?

I laughed to myself. I assumed this guy was just going to go on and on and if it got on my nerves I would just give him a low rating after this trip.

Jordan: That’s actually a pretty complicated question for me to answer.

Vihaan: I am sorry Miss Jordan. I did not mean to offend you. It’s just that someone who looks like you I would assume has been with numerous men. Many, many, many men.

Jordan: Whoa, what?

Vihaan: And this girl, she looks as if she could have been with maybe half as many men. But she is perfect in my eyes. She has just the right amount that you could just grab and hang on to. I’d bet she likes to tussle and to cuddle.

Jordan: Vihaan, this is a little creepy.

Vihaan: Creepy? She’s not creepy at all if you ask me. She’s just trying to let me know she is interested in me. Don’t you think so?

I went completely quiet. Vihaan, driving us through traffic, turned around with a big grin and looked directly at me. Somehow he seemed to be steering us through traffic without even giving the cars in front of him a glance. I didn’t answer him, but instead gestured at the car in front of us as he grew dangerously close to running straight into the back of it. He turned his eyes back to the road and jerked the wheel at what felt like the last minute. We dodged sure disaster and I grasped at my chest like my heart was about to beat right through the front of it. I took a deep breath and sighed.

Vihaan: I was thinking that I will soon ask her if she would like to accompany me on some sort of date or if she would like to enter my bed. Is this something you think I should ask as well?

Jordan: Listen, please do what you need to do, but please keep an eye on the road so we make it to the school in one piece. Also, we’re picking up a child so please be careful with what you say.

Vihaan: A child? I didn’t realize you were a mother.

Jordan: He’s not my kid.

Vihaan: We’re kidnapping someone!?

Jordan: No!

Vihaan: I’m very sorry, Miss Jordan. But if you are planning to commit a crime I am required to report this to Uber so they can handle it. The Uber authorities are very serious about these things.

Jordan: First off, it’s my girlfriend’s son. And secondly, I hope you would call the police if that were to happen. Not Uber. Christ!

Vihaan was suddenly quiet. I looked up at the rear view mirror and saw him smiling. It was a curious grin that most would consider to be extremely creepy if pressed on the issue.

Vihaan: So you are what they call a lesbian, then? I have seen the videos.

Jordan: Ew! Vihaan, don’t ever tell anyone that. They’re going to immediately think you’re talking about pornographic videos.

Vihaan: I am sorry, did I not make this clear?.

Jordan: Ok, I’m officially disgusted by this whole conversation. Please, Vihaan, Let’s just ride quietly to the school.

Vihaan didn’t answer me, but I looked up and saw him angrily looking at me before adjusting the rear view mirror in a way that I could no longer see his eyes. We drove quietly the rest of the way to the school and Jay looked like what I could only describe as the perfect mixture of shock and disappointment when it was me that showed up to pick him up. He was standing with a few friends when I got out of the car and he slunk his shoulders down as he walked over to the car and joined Vihaan and me. We both sat down and buckled ourselves in and then he looked at me.

Jay: Why are you here?

Jordan: Well hello and good afternoon to you, too, kiddo.

Jay: Sorry. I just expected my mom to get me. Dad said my mom was coming. You’ve never gotten me before. And this is weird. Why aren’t you driving?

Jordan: Well I don’t have a car.

Vihaan: Aren’t you rich though?

Jordan: HEY!?

Vihaan: Just saying…

Jay: Maybe you should get yourself a car to drive around town.

I swallowed and sighed. I was being schooled by a 10-year-old and a guy who I gave no shits about who was very weird and creepy. I turned to Jay.

Jordan: Maybe you and I will have to go sometime and look at cars. You can help me.

Jay: But why would you take me?

Jordan: Because I want to? You’re a cool kid.

Jay: Ok, Jordan.

He said it with just enough doubt in his voice that I found myself running a hand through my hair and doubting myself, too. How the hell did these people handle this kid so well. He seemed to be testing me to see just how far he could go. I turned my head to stare out the window without a good response to the kid. Somehow we’d all grown quiet. Even Vihaan seemed to sense this was the right time to return to the silence from before. I turned back when I heard Jay fiddling with something and saw him pull a chocolate bar out of his backpack. He bit right into it. I didn’t want to be on his shit list any further so I didn’t say anything. I stared out the window, keeping to myself and thinking about how hard it might be to make this work for Jay’s sake in the future. But I couldn’t think like that. Or at least I shouldn’t. Cookie had taught me lately that my penchant for living in the past or trying to see the future was a recipe for disaster. I heard Jay coughing and turned around. He coughed a few more times and then put a hand to his throat.

Vihaan: Is he sick, miss?

Jordan: Jay? Jay are you ok?

He didn’t answer me, but dropped the chocolate bar to the floor of the vehicle and reached up to his throat with the other hand.

Jordan: Are you choking? Jay? Are you ok?

Vihaan: I don’t think he’s ok.

Jordan: Shut the hell up, man! Jay!? What’s wrong?

Jay started to gesture down at the floor. I unbuckled myself and reached across him and looked at the chocolate bar. I looked at where he bit into it and saw what looked like a part of an almond sticking out. My mind raced for the significance and I looked at Jay. He was starting to struggle for air at this point. Shit!

Jordan: Vihaan! Drive us to a hospital!

Vihaan: Oh, miss. I can’t do that unless you change our destination in your application. I have to tell you that it may require an additional fee and we cannot refund you.

Jordan: Are you fucking kidding me!? He’s choking!

Vihaan said nothing, but kept driving forward.

Jordan: Vihaan!?

Vihaan nervously turned the radio up, blasting the car with some kind of Indian pop music that sounded like it came straight out of Bollywood. I scrambled for Jay’s backpack and searched through it. I tried to remember what Kath had told me. Jay must have been allergic to almonds. I’d seen him eating a peanut butter sandwich before. I swore. Can people only be allergic to certain nuts? I had no clue.

Jordan: Jay? Do you have medicine with you?

Jay’s eyes looked like they could roll into the back of his head as he wheezed for air. With one hand he smacked at the backpack I was holding, forcing me to dig through it looking for medicine. I turned it upside down and poured it on the seat, searching for something. There was something that didn’t look like a school supply. It was some kind of injection item. I grabbed it and Jay smacked at his leg. I put the pen in my mouth and pulled the tip, grabbed his leg, and then drove into the outside of his thigh right through his shorts. His eyes went big as he looked at me. I looked to the front.

Jordan: Vihaan! Hospital!! Now!!!

Vihaan: Miss Jordan, the app…

Jordan: I fucking know!

I watched Jay as I pulled out my phone and opened the app. My fingers were hammering at the screen so hard it felt like I was going to break my phone screen with the sheer pressure of each button I touched. I altered our destination the closest hospital to us and as I hit enter, Vihaan turned the wheel hard to the left, grabbed at the hand brake and turned us around. I flew from the right side, unbuckled, straight into the door and on top of Jay.

Jordan: Vihaan!?

Vihaan: I got this, Miss Jordan. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for all my life. We’re all born for a reason. This is my purpose. Today, I am the hero. I will drive us to this hospital and you will save this woman’s son who we have kidnapped. And I will not tell Uber what we have done on this day.

I pushed myself back up off of Jay’s lap and back into my seat and buried my face in my hands. I turned to look at Jay and he was starting to actually breathe, but he still seemed to be struggling slightly and he was obviously scared at what had just happened. I calmed down Jay as we got him to the hospital and went in, shooting Vihaan a polite middle finger on the way. They didn’t let me go with them into the emergency rooms and called Kath at my request instead of Dave. I didn’t need Regan to murder me when she got back from her trip, even if Kath might anyway. Kath arrived about 30 minutes later and went into the room with Jay without even saying a word to me. Maybe another half hour later she came out.

Kathryn: So… what the hell happened?

Jordan: I didn’t mean to almost kill your son. Seriously. It was an accident. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how parents do this. One minute he was just sitting there and waiting to get home, and the next minute he’s just fucking dying right there. He’s just struggling to breathe and I felt so helpless. I didn’t know what to do. He was just going to die.

Kath let out a sigh, and then a sort of half smile formed on her face and she sat down next to me. She turned in the chair and reached for my hand, giving me a reassuring smile.

Kathryn: Jay is fine, babe. In all honesty you probably saved his life. It wasn’t entirely your fault. One of his friends gave him a chocolate bar with almonds in it while he was waiting for someone to pick him up. What could you have done to keep it from happening?

Jordan: He’s ok?

Kathryn: Yeah. Of course. He’s fine.

I turned in my chair and let out a desperate breath of relief. I’d been sitting here worried that the medicine was only temporary or that this had some kind of long term effects.

Kathryn: His dad wasn’t pleased. Regan won’t be either.

Shit…

Kathryn: But I told him they have to go easy on you. This is all new to you. But he did tell me that you were getting pretty excited with the driver. He also said you promised he could help you pick out a new car? Now that part he can’t stop talking about.

I laughed softly and shook my head, turning in the chair to look at her face. I leaned forward and waited for a kiss. Kath seemed to look around before giving me a short peck on the lips. I simply smiled in reaction. Her hand gave mine another squeeze.

Jordan: Do you need to go back and check on him?

Kathryn: I felt like I needed to check on you first. Are you going to be ok? I know how you handle things like this typically. I just wanted to see how you were feeling.

Jordan: I just… it was all very unexpected and it happened very fast, but Jay sort of told me what to do. I was probably as scared as he was, but somehow we got that shot thing into his leg.

Kathryn: That shot thing is called an EpiPen. And he always carries one in his school bag in case this sort of event were to happen. You did everything right.

Jordan: I just… I felt like you trusted me and I let you down. And this is the sort of thing I want you to be able to trust me with.

Kathryn: I’m not mad or disappointed. I’m really glad he was with someone who cared enough to make sure they got him that medicine and got him to a hospital. You did everything perfectly. I trust you completely.

I smiled and pulled my hand back and put it in my lap.

Jordan: Hey babe, you better go in there. That little boy needs his mom.

Kathryn: Actually he was asking for you. Let me go get him all checked out because he asked to personally give you a hug. He was apparently more worried about you than himself.

Kath laughed as she stood and walked back toward the entrance to the rooms. And me? I melted right there in my chair in the ER waiting room. It’s hard for anyone to be a stepmom or even the girlfriend that comes around the other parent. There’s so much trust that needs to be earned. I don’t know how women like Regan made it seem so easy. My mom made it seem like a chore just to love me. As Kath disappeared from my view, all I could think about was how much I love her and this family. When Jaina and I were together I got to see what family really felt like for the first time. But nothing compared to this. This whole, big unit of people had made me feel like I was a part of them. I wasn’t sure how they would feel when the Jordan tried to kill Jay story started making the rounds, but if we could weather this event together, what could stop me and Kath. I hoped that answer was nothing. As I sat there alone, I started to think back to the road that led me to this moment. And the decisions I made along the way.

April 18, 2020 – New Orleans

I sat backstage at a fan event staring at the belt on the table in front of me. The Adrenaline Championship had been mine for just over a month now. As I went into my first title defense, Peyton Rice had me nailed to the wall. She was right that I wasn’t on my game because of other things distracting me. I should have been completely focused on defending this title, but looming was a question people couldn’t stop asking me. What are you going to do, they’d ask. It was in reference to some tension that had grown between me and Sienna. She seemed to have it out for me after I showed up in her title match to help Bree after she’d been personally victimized by James Evans. It was nothing against Sienna, but I needed to be sure Bree was ok. Jaina did, too. But now Sienna was mad about that. And even though she’d said she was over it, I could still sense that it was boiling right under her skin. She was still thinking about that moment when she could lash out at me without Bree having any objections. I reached forward and pulled the title toward me and looked at the face of it. There were times in the past when I could have never imagined being able to sit here and hold one of the titles of the best company on the planet. But I’d done it. I was a champion. I felt fingers rub across my shoulder and I looked back to see Cookie Dreams. Ugh. She was a perfectly bosom blonde who was impossibly cheerful.

Cookie: Hey… are you ok?

Jordan: Why wouldn’t I be?

Cookie: I think any one of us who works with you weekly can see that something is bothering you.

I sucked my lower lip in under my teeth for a moment and chewed lightly before I turned to face her.

Jordan: Just a little nervous about this title defense of course.

Cookie tilted her head and looked at me like she completely doubted every word coming out of my head. She pulled out a nearby chair and took a seat.

Jordan: Take a seat I guess…

Cookie: Do you need someone to talk to? Someone that doesn’t have an agenda?

I was taken aback by her question. A god damned mind reader. I realized that I had my mouth open in a sort of gasp. Cookie was just staring back at me. I closed my mouth and looked away.

Cookie: So I’m right. Something is bothering you.

Jordan: I really can’t get into it. Especially not with someone I barely know.

Cookie: I’m the perfect person to get into it with. I don’t have an agenda and I’m a great listener.

Jordan: Eh…

Cookie: Do you like hot chocolate?

I sighed and looked back at her. My shoulders were slumped.

Jordan: Is this supposed to be like that thing you did with Loretta? You take me to hot cocoa and all of the sudden we’re like totally best friends and everything in my world is perfect? Thanks, I’ll pass.

Cookie: Come on. Just give it a chance. It might be therapeutic for all you know.

I rolled my eyes and stared at the title for a moment. Maybe if I had the chance to talk about Sienna with someone who truly had no agenda then I could figure it out. Talk it out even if the only answer that mattered was mine. I pulled the title toward me.

Jordan: Ok, why the fuck not. But nothing weird. I know how crazy you and your husband are and I’m not about that life.

Cookie: Pfft… open up your mind, girl. Aren’t you a lesbian? You’re very prudish.

Jordan: Maybe we shouldn’t do this.

Cookie: I’m just teasing, girl. It fits in well with your friends.

I let her words sink in for a moment and then my brow furrowed.

Jordan: Hey!

Cookie grabbed me by the hand and pulled me toward her hard enough that I nearly dropped the title behind me. We found our way to the parking lot and loaded into a car and headed down the road. Cookie suggested that I leave the title in the glove box of the car so it wasn’t stolen. But there was no way it would fit. She put it under the floor mat in the backseat and we made our way into a dinky little cafe. It was pretty low brow compared to the places I was used to visiting while on the road with Bree’s group. But this was my home, and she was taking me to a place that even I didn’t know existed. We found a table and Cookie ordered for me, even adding some brownies to the order because she said we needed something to nibble on. I figured Cookie would order, well, cookies. It didn’t take long for her to just jump right into things.

Cookie: So, tell me what’s on your mind.

Jordan: I don’t know where to start.

Cookie: Why don’t you start with Sienna and then work backward.

My eyes went from the table to her and I swallowed. Was I this transparent to other people?

Jordan: What do you mean, Sienna?

Cookie: To me it seems like the issues that have been going on with you for awhile are all related to Sienna. And Bree by extension. I might be overstepping here, but tell me if I’m wrong.

I gritted my teeth. I wanted to snap back at the girl, but I would be lying to her and to myself. She was right. Instead, I looked down and sighed.

Cookie: Oh, hunny. It’s fine. We all go through things like this. You find yourself close to someone who doesn’t share your ideas and your vision. If you let them make all of the decisions then you run into a lot of trouble. That’s what I really see when I watch you.

Jordan: When you watch me?

Cookie: Girl… it’s all out in front of everyone on the shows. And even on Twitter. Your life is one complicated taco of too many ingredients. It’s spilling out the top before you can even take a bite.

That was a weird way to put it, but it also made a strangely solid point. There was so much going on in my life that it was hard to keep it all under control. At the same time, I wasn’t in control of a lot of it. More often than not I was doing whatever Sienna and Bree told me to do. Our hot cocoa arrived at the table and I grabbed a spoon and stirred it slowly, staring into the swirling drink.

Jordan: I’m not really sure what to do about it all. Back when Bree and I first got to know each other, it was amazing. But then it became kind of clear that if I wanted to continue to be friends with Bree then I had to be friends with Sienna. But Sienna… she doesn’t like me. It’s so obvious to me. I know she has doubts about me and I don’t know why. I also don’t know what I have to do to make her not feel this way about me. It makes me feel like… a failure. You know?

Cookie: A failure? You’re Adrenaline Champion right now. Even if you go out tomorrow and lose the title you’re not a failure. You’re terrific. Look at the things you’ve accomplished all on your own. Where was Sienna in all of that?

I nodded and looked up at her. I smiled. It felt like betraying myself. I believed in my mind that I was supposed to hate Cookie and all she stood for. My heart was playing the role of Benedict Arnold.

Cookie: Where was Bree in all of that?

That one actually hurt. I felt my heart sink a little bit. I sighed quietly and reached for my cup and took a drink. It was enough to warm me back up. I felt like a little liquor would make it better.

Cookie: You probably don’t want to hear that, really, but to me it always seems like one goes with the other. When it comes to behind the scenes actions. And how are you served if what you’re doing only benefits them and they don’t ever do anything that benefits you? What benefits are you getting by being their “friend.” I know that’s not how I treat my close friends.

Jordan: I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Cookie: Sure you do!

Jordan: No, I don’t.

Cookie: Come on. Think about it. Not with your head. What is your heart telling you about all of this stuff?

Jordan: My heart is telling me that I need to take a stand. But I don’t know how to do that without fucking up everything.

Cookie looked at me quizzically. She’d gotten a little rise out of me, and it probably raised more questions than it answered.

Cookie: What are you worried about messing up?

Jordan: Everything. Everything would be fucked up if I did something against Sienna. Bree would outcast me. Jaina… I don’t know. Everything I have is connected to that group.

Cookie: Oh, hunny. Not everything. I promise you are so much more than just Bree’s friend. More than just Jaina’s girlfriend. You are more than what Sienna believes you are. I’ve seen the way you fight and I promise that you are capable of doing so much more.

Jordan: I don’t want to be alone.

Cookie looked like she was about to reply, but then she simply smiled and tilted her head in a sort of reassuring way. She reached out and put her hand on top of mine.

Cookie: You’ll never be alone. I guarantee if you just be you and not who they want you to be, you’ll be fine. Maybe I’m wrong and that’s who you are. Maybe you’re just like them. A bitch!

Jordan: Easy!

Cookie: But if you were like them, you wouldn’t be right here with me. You’ve been doubting it for a while. At least that’s how it seems. To me, taking a stand against Sienna would be like setting a bomb off inside your life. But you know, something new and maybe even better would grow back quickly in the ruins. And if you need a friend… I’ll be your friend.

I laughed. Sort of a huffy, doubting tone in my voice. But then I looked at her and she was dead serious. It caught me entirely off guard. I viewed Cookie as this person that was only capable of joking about the situation. To see her so serious, compassionate, and honest was not what I expected from hot cocoa. I smiled to Cookie and then took a drink.

Jordan: I’ll keep that in mind. If I do something crazy, you should just expect to hear from me.

Cookie: I hope it’s more of a when than an if.

Jordan: Well, IF, I do something, she will come for me. Sienna will do everything it takes to get a fight with me.

Cookie: Would that be so bad?

The question stopped me in my tracks.

Cookie: If you had to face Sienna, couldn’t you call her out on everything she’s done to you. Everything you feel about her. You could put that all into one match and you could prove her wrong. That doubt you say she has about you. Put it all to rest.

Jordan: I just wish all this shit going on inside my head wasn’t on top of the strain of being a champion. I have so much I’m trying to balance right now.

Cookie: Some things are more important than a title, sweetie. No matter what you’re doing, the most important thing is that you’re living your life for you. Do what’s best for you.

I heard the familiar sound of rain hitting the windows of the cafe and turned over my shoulder to watch drops fall from the sky to the pavement. A distant clasp of thunder sounded as I looked back at Cookie and grinned.

Jordan: You know… everyone wants to know what I think about Sienna’s match with my brother tomorrow. Maybe that’s a good time to let the world know what I think.

Cookie: I think it’s more important to let Sienna know what you think. Just tell her privately and prepare yourself for the fallout that you expect to see.

Jordan: With what I’m expecting, I might as well just tell her in front of everyone.

I sighed and leaned down against the table.

Jordan: We should probably get going.

I stood up and looked outside before I felt Cookie grab me by the arm.

Cookie: Are you sure this is what you want to do?

I smiled and nodded, looking back at her.

Cookie: I bet it feels good to actually make a decision on this.

I looked down and then grinned once more.

Jordan: Ask me again tomorrow night. After the show.

Cookie’s eyes went wide as I led the way back to her car outside. It was a bold choice and I believed I was ready for what would happen if I actually went through with it. I was thankful for the bosom blonde with the perfect demeanor who took me out for hot cocoa and let me talk out what was bothering me. My issues with Sienna had been slowly boiling to the surface. I knew what I was risking, but if all those people chose Sienna over me when I’d been trying to tell them of my issues with her after all this time… were they really worth it? It was the toughest question I’d ever asked myself. It was time to do something for me. I was ready to take back my life.

July 20, 2020 – Santa Monica

My thoughts snapped back to reality when I saw a little boy walking toward me from just a few feet away. He seemed perfectly fine. It was a nice stroke of relief after I’d sat in the backseat and almost helplessly watched him struggle to breathe just an hour earlier. Kath was nowhere to be seen in the moment. Jay sat down next to me and looked over. He slumped back into the chair and relaxed.

Jordan: Hey…

Jay: Hey…

He had a smile on his face as if nothing had happened today.

Jordan: You really scared me back there. I’ve never dealt with anyone being allergic to something quite like that. I don’t know what I would have done if… I…

Jay: I’m sorry.

Jordan: It’s ok. I’m just glad you’re ok, hun. But what happened? Your mom says you’re usually better about stuff like this.

Jay: I had a bad day at school.

I was never a fan of school myself. It’s hard once you’re grown to always remember all the shit you put up with back in the day. But some of it sticks with you forever. And that stuff, it’s the stuff you remember in those little moments as an adult. It sews in doubt and reassurance and all kinds of stuff. Being a kid is easy, but in other ways there are all these little moments.

Jordan: What happened?

Jay: I got into an argument with some other kids. It was their fault! They kept trying to make me do something, but I didn’t want to do it.

Jordan: Well, why not?

Jay: Because I knew it was wrong. It felt wrong and I knew it could get us into trouble. And it was mean to the other kids.

It was funny how the problems of a child could be felt so strongly by an adult. Fuck, if you could even call me that. I still handle stuff like a kid sometimes. I felt myself laugh softly in that moment.

Jordan: Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t do it then. There’s nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in.

Jay: Have you done it?

I laughed a little bit louder this time and crossed my leg, looking down at the ground in front of me.

Jordan: I guess you could say that’s why I’m in the position I am now.

Jay: Fighting against the angel lady, Sienna?

Jordan: Angel lady? Jay, she’s more like a demon!

Jay: But she’s mommy Regan’s friend! I’ve heard her say so.

Jordan: Ok, well ignore I said that then. But, between you and me, Sienna was asking me to do things that I just didn’t feel was right.

Jay looked at me with a clearly confused gaze and I put my leg back down and turned sideways in the chair.

Jordan: For a long time I was friends with people who didn’t really have my interests at heart. Sort of like the friends who wanted you to do something you don’t agree with. But I was in deep. I wasn’t as strong as you were today. They would point in a direction and tell me to jump and I did it almost without any reservation. But Jay, they wanted me to hurt my own brother. Family is important to me. I didn’t grow up with my brother, but you’ve grown up in a wonderful family and you see how important it is to all of them. They tried to use our friendship to gain something over me. Something adults like to call leverage.

Jay: What’s that?

Jordan: Leverage is something that people like to use against you if they want something from you. So they felt their friendship with me was important enough that they could threaten to take it from me if I didn’t do things the way they wanted me to. At the same time, they took it beyond that. They tried to play with my head a little bit. For them it wasn’t about not being my friend, it was me reaffirming my loyalty to them. It’s very complicated, but they’re good at it.

Jay: That’s so confusing. Why would anyone do that?

Jordan: Like I said, hun. They ARE good at it. These people have been doing it their whole life and they take advantage of people who aren’t strong enough to fight it. They prey on the weak.

Jay: Like you?

I let out a giggle and made a pained face and held my chest like I’d been struck.

Jordan: Ouch. That hurts.

Jay: But you said…

Jordan: I know what I said. But the truth hurts sometimes. Looking back, I was just a little silly and naive. I jumped at every chance I could to help and impress them, but I’m not sure why. I didn’t really gain all that much from it, and I lost a whole heck of a lot more when I decided to stand up for myself.

Jay: Oh, I’m sorry.

Jordan: I’m not, bud. I gained a whole heck of a lot more.

I smiled and ruffled his hair with my hand. He blushed a slight red and looked down smiling.

Jordan: I decided to stand up for myself though because I realized I didn’t believe in the same things as them. I didn’t like the feeling of taking advantage of people and I didn’t like being taken advantage of either.

Jay nodded and then looked back up at me.

Jay: What did you lose?

Jordan: Friends. Lots of friends. And my girlfriend.

Jay turned his head to look at me and shot me a look. It was confusion and maybe disgust, but I wasn’t quite sure.

Jay: You had a girlfriend? That’s weird.

Jordan: It’s not weird, come on.

Jay: Does mom let you have a girlfriend when I’m not there?

I burst into laughter, but quickly tried to calm myself down before anyone had to tell me to quiet down. Emergency room waiting areas are not great places for boisterous laughter. The look Jay was giving me was showing that he was now even more confused.

Jordan: That’s a tough question to answer. I’ll talk to your mom about it and get back with you.

Jay: Oh, ok…

Jordan: But back to you, where did this chocolate come into play.

Jay: Well… we were supposed to throw rocks at this kid Jeremy. But I didn’t want to. I told the teacher they were going to do it. They got mad at me and said that they didn’t want to play with me on the playground if I was going to tell on them. I just didn’t want Jeremy to get hurt. Rocks can hurt you. Bad!

Jordan: You did the right thing. If you had thrown a rock at Jeremy, these sound like the kind of friends who would have just blamed you to try and get out of trouble. They sound like my old friends.

Jay nodded to me. He looked up at me and sighed.

Jay: Jeremy was trying to be nice so he gave me the chocolate bar. But it just had a shiny wrapper so I didn’t know what it was. I was a little bummed out when my dad said he couldn’t pick me up and then my mom said she was sending you. So I decided to eat it.

His words hit me in the chest like he’d thrown a brick at me. I frowned and looked down and away from him. I let out a sigh. Jay seemed to take notice.

Jay: I just don’t know you very well. You’re never home when I am. You’re always away and wrestling. I spend so much time with my dad. And you’ve gotten me toys and games and stuff, but I didn’t know you. I was just sad that no one was coming to get me. That they would just ask someone else. Like they were just handing me off to someone else.

Jordan: Hun, it wasn’t like that at all. Everyone was just having a crazy day all at once. I’m sorry…

Jay: It’s ok now, though. I’m glad you came and got me. You saved me and helped me. I didn’t know the chocolate bar had almonds in it. I could have gotten really sick if you weren’t sitting next to me. Mom said she feels lucky that I just happened to be sitting next to you.

I’d been wondering this whole time how Kath really felt about this. There was the truth. Jay had explained to her that this was all his fault. He clearly told her the story about these friends of his and the reward he received for standing up for a kid who was being picked on. Without me next to him in the back, would Kath or Dave have noticed that he was choking because of his allergic reaction? Would they have been able to get him the shot as quickly? It was hard to tell. Apparently Kath felt grateful. I saw her walk through the exam room doors talking to a doctor and smiled. I caught her glance and got one back as my eyes fell back on Jay.

Jordan: I’m really glad that I was there, too. I was really worried about you. You know? I hope you’re alright?

Jay: I feel great! I feel better about what I did about my friends now, too. Even you’ve had to deal with mean people trying to tell you what to do. Thanks for everything today, aunt Jordan.

Jay stood from his chair and thrust himself into my arms, pressing his chest against mine and embracing me in a tight hug with his chin resting on my shoulder. My heart was melting on the inside. No one had ever called me their aunt like this before. It made me feel like Jay saw me as a family member. Like he had accepted me.

Jordan: Of course, boo. You might not know it, but I’d do anything for you.

I looked up to see Kath standing there. She looked surprised and I shot her back that sort of “oh my god, I know, right” sort of look in response. Jay let go and I stood up beside him and he grabbed Kath’s hand as we left the hospital. We walked as a trio to the car. It felt like we were a small little family unit, even if the finality of this moment is that we were all about to get in a car and take him to his dad’s house. Maybe this would somehow all work. There was nothing normal about this extended family, but somehow I could tell it all functioned well enough. Especially for Jay’s sake. He was happy and strong and he had a good head on his shoulders for a 10-year-old. He strongly knew the difference between right and wrong, or at least it seemed. I was still trying to figure this shit out and I’m in my mid 20s. As we all settled into the car, Kath shot me a look.

Kathryn: Are you fine going to Dave’s with us?

Jordan: You mean future SCW Champion David Helms’ house? Of course, why wouldn’t I?

Kath laughed and shook her head. She started the car and looked over at me as she put her hand on the shifter, preparing to put it in gear.

Kathryn: Earlier you mentioned you were worried about someone wanting to kill you over this. I’m not positive how he feels about this. Especially the fact that he called me to get Jay, and I called you without telling him. He’s probably going to have questions.

Jordan: Questions?

Kathryn: In fact, he probably already has this all figured out as much as you two travel together…

Kath’s words trailed off as she put the car in gear and we took off down the road. I had crossed a hurdle with one Helms today. I wondered if I could cross one with another or if I’d fall on my face with the next one. Thank whatever entity there is for Kath being at my side and the new found good graces of Jay. But if we could all get through this day together, we could all get through anything together. I could get through anything. No matter what Sienna wanted to throw at me this weekend, I could overcome it. For the first time in months, I was more than confident that I would beat her.